Ray of Hope Appeal

Hullo it's mee heer Big Presley, now see the title of ma blog today is 'Ray of Hope Appeal' - this wiz set up to raise funds for an noo X-Ray Machine at the Royal Dick Vet Hospital, which not only save's pets life's in Scotland, but also in England AND they are so advanced with the treatment of cancer in pets and that helps pets and humans. So, see ma Dad he is starting the fundraising by doing an all night vigil on a haunted SHIP on his own!! Ah swears that is the troof. Now, lots of organised Ghost tours go round this shipp, but ma Dad is so silly he is bean pure locked on the ship on his own wiff all the udder gools!! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh Spookee!!The Sipp is ment to be haunted by WAN!! No wan gool, Wan is his name - he is Spaneesh! Wan killed himsell on the Sipp but decided he liked it so mutch he stayed when he became a gool.
Noo fing is, mee and Mollee watch TAPS - the American ghost hunters who pure deebunk spooks - or sumtimes not - so from ma eggspeerience I have made a list of eesentshal fings for ma Dad to take on sunday nite to the Sipp:
DVD Recorder - no fur to film the ghost, fur him to film himsell so that we can see how scared he is.
Blanket - Fur to poot over his heed, so that he can scare the udder gools away (cut too holes out fur ewer eyes)
A Steak - No the type to eet, this is fur him to drive frew the hart of the Vampires
A Book - In case the gools are asleep, ah suggest the book the Titanic - keeps the feem going of him bean on a Sipp.
A life jacket - in case he is afraid and runs away from the gools and has to pure jump overboard (he needs to remembers to jump off the side that has the water udder wise will hurt if he jumps off the sipp and lands on the key side)
If ah fink of udder fings for him to take, I'll add them to ma list.
All mee and Molleee wants to say is Good Bye Dad, it wiz nice knowing ewe!! and fanks fur raising so mutch monee to help save udder dogs and to all the fantastic peepells who have sponsored you to make a complete gool of yoursell.
Lots of Love your No.1 King - Big Presley xxx
Pee Ess Mollee is pure greetin now :-)

Hullo all ewes!

Long time no see ah hope ewes have bean ok. Ah have bean bizzee helping ma Mum wiff the Ray of Hope appeal to raise funds fur dogs wiff cancer. Noo the fing is this, it wiz all my idear, ah fott of everyfin and it seems that there is a lorra lorra peepells out there that pure liked ma idear, cos now udder peepells are doing the same fing. That shows ewe just how cool ma idears are, to make udders perspire! (Mollee says the word is inspire).
Anyway, Dad is in charge this weekend cos Mum is going to Crufts, am no sure wit class she is in, but ah hope she does well, so if ewe see ma Mum say hello. Ah wood also like to wiss ma Feeonsee and No.1 babe Rag (Berwicklaw Scottish Girl) and ma love child Coalman (Berwicklaw Harbour Master) all the best in the Whippey classes. Also ma Antee Yvettes babes that will be there too. Comiserations to all the udder whippeys who wont stand a chance next to the Scottish babes! oh well sutch is life! And finking about wee Joss (Rags wee girl) who did quantify for Crufts, but hasnt bean well this yeer, but I'm sure she will be at Crufts nexx yeer. (mollee says the word is qualify). Mollee is bean reel cheeky correcting ma spelling!
For all the peepleels who has bean part of ma life for neerly 6 yeers now, kens that I am a lover and no a fighter, but ah do get rite fed up with sum hoomans - there are sum reel strange ones out there in the wurld. Ma pet hate in hoomas is sneeks and those who wiff two faces that tell lies. Last week sumone ah kens wiz cott out bean a sneek and telling lies, but fing is this, hoomans who do this are lower than a snakes belly and they are not the types of hoomans ah want in ma life! Ah kens many of ewes kens the story and contacked us, all ah wood like to say is that, ewe are rite, they have pure shot themselves in the paws!! (Molle says ah spelt the word 'paws' rong, but ah best no tell ewe what the wurd shood be!). No sneek or liars are welcome in ma world and neever is the hoomans who think that is ackseptable. They have showed themselves up in a very bad way and they have made themselves rite unpopular wiff a lorra lorra peepells - so go hang ewer head in shame fur bean a low life.
Rite Mum has a very impotants meeting wiff a very important man who is helping Mum wiff the ray of hope appeal, so am eggsited for her. I'm saving up all ma pocket money (well after crufts that is), so that ah can bye sum of the fings bean pledged for the ockshon!! And remembers to look out all ewer picktoors of ewer babes for the photo compeetishon - dont get confoosed with the copycat fundraising - mine is rayofhopeappeal.co.uk
Fanks and have a grate time if ewe is going to Crufts.
Love big Presley the King xx

Its Mee hear Big Presser!!

Hullo all ewes, ah hope ewer noo yeer is going betters than mine - ah have spent the past foo weeks in the Cooler again, ah swear thats the troof. Eye ah no, ewes just cannee beeleeve it, but its troo. See fing is this, ah havenae dun anyfin too terrible, ah have just bean mee! Mum says its to do wiff 666 - ma age this yeer, mollees age this yeer and wur cats name!
Mum has bean pure dead bizzee wiff work fings and shee has no bean well, but if she wont go to the Vet she will just have to stay ill.
Anyways ah have just sneeked oot the turd cell doon the hall to post this letter to ewe, cos ah knew everybuddee is missing mee. Ah have also got ma ane facebook page now, so thats cool, its beets ma Mum watchin everyfin a rite. Hundreds of peepells have contackted mee asking fur help wiff there spelling, cos they cannee spell rite, so mee bean mee, says ah wood help - lets face it, the yooff of today need to be tott proper Engerlish, cos they dont seem to be tott rite at school. Thats ma noo misshon in life today, to teech proper spelling. Mollee finks ah shood bye a dickshonary, but I'm sure I'll get bye if ah get stuck on big long wurds.
Well ah must get back into ma cell, all ma cells mates are doing reel well, especially ma sister Roobee, she is a pure babe. Bazil Brush is still fat, Big Mac is also fat, and wee Stanlee the cat is also fat - but see mee, ah wiz built fur speed - just like a Greyhound or Lurcher. Wate wan minit, ah am a Lurcher!! Oh well thats good, that meens a look like ah shood.
Rite I'm away, hugs to all ma babes, and just fink - Leap Frog Seeson is just around the corner :-) xx Love frum Presley the King xxxx

Out wiff the old in wiff the noo!

Hullo Lords, laidee's and fannee's its mee hear big Presley. Ah have ritten Lords, cos see ma Mum, one of hur customers wiz a reel Lord and ah fink hee maybee's be reedin ma blog.
Anyways, ah wood just like to say that those reeding ma blog are the nicest peepells that have red ma blog todae. I gets masell getting all neuropathological (Mollee says the wurd is Nostalgic, but am no sure), anyways, ah have bean finkin aboot what has happined over the past yeer.
Ah wood likes ewes all tae take a moment two remembers ma lovely big bruver Wizard, better kent as Wizzee Wonga, who went to heaven in Martch this yeer. Ah wood like to fink that Wizzee is having a rite nice time in heaven and pure causing chaos and making them all laff like he did when he wiz hear. He will be running about wiff big Ivor and all the udder dogs that is in heaven, and big Wizzee will always bee in charge. Heavens gain is oor loss.
There have bean lots of nice fings happen this yeer, wiff fings like ma Feeonsee winning everyfin going at the Whippey shows - she is pure the number one bootee queen. Ma love child Coalman is going to Crufts wiff his Mum, ma Feeonsee Rag.
Roobee is still doin reel well and ah loves her very mutch. There wiz sooooo many good fings that happened this yeer ah havenae got the times to rite everythin.
Noo wate till ah tells ewe sumfin aboot nexx yeer, noo am no Psycho, but there is two significant fings happening. There will bee a Royal Wedding in April - thats all am saying AND mee and Mollee will be six. Noo ewe's are wundering why that is significants, well ah will be 6, Mollee will be 6, and we have a cat called 6 - so that makes 666 - the same as the tattoo ah have!! How cool is that?? Ah feel a rite good yeer coming on and look out for the numbers 666 and fink of mee. May ewes all have food in ewer belly's and water too drink, be happy, love and laff lots in 2011. Lots of love Big Presley the King xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kissmass Song fur ma Da

Hullo and Merree Kissmass to all ma babes. Noo, see mee, am always singing songs aboot ma babes, so ah fott as it wiz kissmass times, ah wood rite won aboot ma Dad. Pleese sing-a-long to Winter Wunderbra oops sorree Winter Wunderland - fank ewe, Have a merry kissmass Love Big Presley the King of Babes. xxxxxxxxx

Lacee fings, ma Mum is missin
Da didnae ask, for her permisshon
He's wearing her clothes,
her silk pantee hose
Walking round in Mum's underware

In the drawer, there's a teddee
With little straps, like spagettee,
It holds him so tite
Like handcuffs at nite
Walking round in Mum's underware

In the office there's a guy named Gregg
he pretends to fool around
he'll say "Are your redee?"
Da says "Woah man! Lets wait until Dawn is out of town"
Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress like Madonna
Put on some eye shade, and join the parade
Walking round in Mums underware.

Lacee fings, is a missin
Didnae ask her permisshon
Wearing her clothes, her silk pantee hose
Walking round in Mums underware
Walking round in Mums underware
Walking round in Mums underware

Mum is diggin her ane grave!

See mee, see ma Mum, well sumtimes she can bee reel funnee but ah fink she upsets ma hooman Pa. See fing is this, ma hooma Granpa is a bit of an Artist - no the type of Artist that ma Dad is, ma hooman Granpa is a reel painter artist and he has even sold sum picktoors. Noo he hasnae sold as many picktoors as Van Cock or made as mutch money and he sure hasnae cut his ane ear off, but he does no bad considering he is pure dead old. He is in loads of Artee Fartee clubs and his hoose has hunners of picktoors on the walls. (yuck!).
Anyways what happined was this, Mum an Dad took ma hooman Granpa oot fur sum lunch and the restoorant theys were in had covered the picktoors on the wall wiff kissmass paper and bows to make it look kissmassee, as though Santa Paws had hung his pressess on the wall. So ma Mum says "Oh that looks rite cool" and Dad and Granpa agreed it wiz rite nice. Then ma Mum says "Oh Dad, ewe cood doo that wiff all ewer picktoors at home"!!!! Ah swear that is the troof, ma Dad didnae ken where too look, but see ma Granpa he fott it wiz a pure dead funnee fing to say and he laffed - until............... he fott about what ma Mum had said. See ma hooman Granpa ah felt pure sorree fur him, but ah will lets ewe ken if he took ma Mums advice. Bye for noo, Big Presley xxxxxxxxxxxx

A Horrid fing happined too Charlee

Am up errlee todaes Mollee wants to go mouse hunting. Fing is this ah wiz sittin hear pure bean cool and surfin the nett and ah wiz socked to reed aboot Charlee and Cameelion bean attacked. Noo see mee, ah dont normallee's get masel involved in Politicks cos it's no ma fing unless it is to do wiff aneemals or royaltee fings that wood affeck mee. Ah fott to masell if Prince Charlee cood bee attacked wit wood these Neds do to a King. Noo fing is this, the neds that attacked the Prince wiz protestin that all the hard working peepells of the country shood pay more of their tooishon fee's fur them to spend at the pub. In princeepal ah fink its a good idear fur tax payers to pay fur everyone to go to the pub, in fact ah fink it wood help ma Mum and Dad if drinks in pubs were free, but lets face it, am reel smart and that is no going to happen - ah mean, how wood the pub owners pay fur fings like peenuts and crisps, if no buddee paid fur their drinks. When ah went to primaree dog skool, ma Mum had to pay fur it - shee paid deerlee and is still paying - but she didnae expect anybuddee to pay fur mee to be reel cliver. Even when I went to high skool ma Mum paid fur that two. Ah wiz so cliver there wiz no point in mee going to Universitee, so Mum didnae have tae worree aboot payin fur that and look how well ah have done fur masell. Do ewes ken Lord Allan Soogar and Richard Branston Pickle, well they admires mee soo mutch they wanted to bee just like me and didnae even bover going to skool and they's dun no bad fur themsells. Ah fink they stoodents who attacked Prince Charlee and his Cameelion shood be locked up fur all the damages theys has caused, after all thats wit happened to mee, ah wiz locked up in Lan Ark open prizon fur causing damages to fings. That tott mee a valuable lesson in life, if ewe is going to damage fings make sure ewe dont get cott, udderwise ewe will be poot in prizon. This is ma message to all the stoodents oot there: The wurld does not owe ewes a rite to go to Universitee, if ewes cannee afford tae sit in the pub getting drunk all day then get a job, get a life, stop moanin, cos the country is alredee in a rite b..........y mess due to fudd's who went to universitee and are noo running the country. King Presley the Fillosifer. xx