As has already written this blog thing fur today, but as wiz readin it again and as didnae like it, so as is writing it again.
See a couple of months ago, as hud been listen to ma Mum talking tae some geezer that wiz in oor hoose. Noo, as didnae ken who this geezer wiz, and a didnae ken if ma Dad kent that an udder geezer wiz in oor hoose when hee's wiz at his work. Noo am no a grass, (unless its ma Molls dane somefin that a could be blamed fur), but as wiz just worried that some geezer wiz wantin tae cut ma Dads grass. Anyways, I heard him telt ma Mum that he wiz fae the BBC and theys wiz wantin tae make a movie aboot ma Mum, AND he wiz wantin tae include the dugs here at the prison, especially me, the King! Well, as thought tae masell, I wiz right all alang, this geezer is tryin tae get ma Mum tae dae weerdo fings. Az iz no gony get involved in anythin like that!
So, as asked ma Molls wit the BBC wiz, and she didnae ken. I telt you she is fick. Well, see, I sat and fot aboot it, and then it hit me!! BBC obviously stood fur, Best Beetch Contest!! Way to Go big Man Presley, as says to masell.
Noo as heard this geezer tellin ma Mum that theys wiz gona film hear at ma prizon!! So as thinks tae masell that if aw these beetches wur coming here as better get masell squared up, and loose the Molls. I didnae want no beetches thinkin as wiz merit to the Molls and miss ma chances of playin leap frog wiff them.
As didnae need tae work hard tae look as good as a dae, cos as wiz born right handsome, as a is the King. I fot that if as just had a bath or sumfin that wid dae me. As goes oot in the rain and gets masell all wet, that wiz as near tae a bath as I wid get. Mum only went and dried me wae a towell, and as ended up lookin as though, someone hud stuck an electricity pylon up ma jacksy and switch the power on!! That wiznae the look as wiz gone fur, aw ma hair wiz standin on end!. So as spent the rest of the night tryin tae get ma lovely coat smoofed back doon!! Ma Mum must huv fot that she wiz been right funnee. Well as will no be huvin a bath fur another couple years efter that eggspeereeanse!!
As spent the rest of ma time workin oot in the exercise yard, so that I wiz all toned up. As wiz lookin brilliant and ready to play leap frog wae the beetches in the contest. As says bring it on! When the BBC came to oor hoose theys brought massive cameras, and some geezer called Dennis, hud a deed squirrel wae a pole shoved up its jacksy, that he kept sticking in everywans faces when they said somfin! Wit is that all aboot? How can ewes concentrate on lookin good, when some geezer keeps pokin ewe in the face wae a deed squirrel?? As tried tae look right cool, as didnae want to seem too keen, cos that could pit ma beetches off. As just sat and waited, and waited, and waited and waited and as waited all day!! Noo as may be cool, but as no that cool. So as started yellin at them tae get the beetches intae ma cell. Well, ewes are no gona believe wit happened next, and neither did eye! I wiz tells ewes all aboot it the morra. Big Presley has left the building cos as has business tae dae in the gerden!
Sunday, 18 November 2007
Saturday, 17 November 2007
PLO founded in Lanark
How are ewe's all doin today? As hus been real busy since I last telt you about me and Molls dane a Weegi Board. A fund a website called Freinds Reunited, and as wiz lookin tae see if there wiz some cool beetches on it that wanted to be ma friend, but it turns oot that there wiznae any dugs on it, let alone beetches! So it got mees thinking that a could start ma ane website called the PLO. Pedigree Lurchers Only, but its no tae be confused way they other nut jobs from the Middle East, cos theys hate the big noses, so as guess theys widnae like Pedigree Lurchers cos wees has big noses!
Anyways, as wiz looking through some old photographs fur tae post on PLO, and as haz found wan that I fought ewes wid like tae see, cos its so funnee. I wiz wonderin if ewes can work oot who it is in the photo. As am the wan in the top photo. Noo as will gee ewes all a clue!! He anit heavy..........!!
........he's ma brover!! Way to go man its Aaron!! Noo ewes will see he's no nearly as handsum as me, and he's no nearly as cliver as mees is, but ewes know wit they say about choosing yur pals, but ewes canny choose yur femily.
Ma Mum still greets cos she geed him away tae an udder family, but a telt her tae pull hersel together cos there is only room fur wan king in this family! Wan King.....!! Molls is pure dead laffin cos as wrote Wan King. She thinks as is pure dead funny!! Anyways, I'm right pleesed ma brover is dane so well fur himsel, cos I didnae think he wid survive way oot me tae give him guidance, so he has probably turned oot as thick as Mums mince!, but as canny help that. I miss you bruv, but as is still the King! I guess as there is only two Pedigree Lurchers in the whole of the world, me and ma bruv, there disnae seem much point in huvin a website to wur sells.
Anyways, as wiz looking through some old photographs fur tae post on PLO, and as haz found wan that I fought ewes wid like tae see, cos its so funnee. I wiz wonderin if ewes can work oot who it is in the photo. As am the wan in the top photo. Noo as will gee ewes all a clue!! He anit heavy..........!!
........he's ma brover!! Way to go man its Aaron!! Noo ewes will see he's no nearly as handsum as me, and he's no nearly as cliver as mees is, but ewes know wit they say about choosing yur pals, but ewes canny choose yur femily.
Ma Mum still greets cos she geed him away tae an udder family, but a telt her tae pull hersel together cos there is only room fur wan king in this family! Wan King.....!! Molls is pure dead laffin cos as wrote Wan King. She thinks as is pure dead funny!! Anyways, I'm right pleesed ma brover is dane so well fur himsel, cos I didnae think he wid survive way oot me tae give him guidance, so he has probably turned oot as thick as Mums mince!, but as canny help that. I miss you bruv, but as is still the King! I guess as there is only two Pedigree Lurchers in the whole of the world, me and ma bruv, there disnae seem much point in huvin a website to wur sells.
Friday, 16 November 2007
WEEGI BOARD's
As am often asked ma opinion on right weird stuff, like, neurosurgery, UFO's and, if there Life After Death!! Noo, a mur an intelligent dug, I like to way up all the facts before as gives ma answers to right difficult questions. Many people ask me aboot Life After Death, cos theys think like am a God or sumfin. Well for the record I can categorically state that there definately IS LIFE AFTER DEATH. Noo, a can PROVE this to ewes, cos if any of ewes seen ma Mum first thing in the morning ewes would know exactly wit as wiz talkin aboot! Ewes didnae need tae be a Scientist or have a Sixth Sense to see it fur yersells. I have even tried to capture this horrific imagine, of the walkin deed on ma camera, but so far, as have broken 3 cameras trying tae dae this!
Ewes can ask millions of people if wees dugs and cats have a sixth sense and theys will all agree wee's do. All the frigin Scientists in the world huvnae managed to prove that there is wan FAKE amongst us!! Ma wee pal Olly the cat, has mare sixth sense than any other cat I ken. I know this to be true cos, he runs and hides from folk before theys have even gone into his prison cell. Noo that is real cool.
At Halloween as says to ma Molls come on wee will have a WEEGI board, and ma Molls thought that wiz a right cool idea. She said tae me "who will be on the Weegi Board?" Wit are ewe talking aboot Molls?!? Wit dae yae mean who will be on it??? I dont know who will be on it until wees do it! I gets masell a right big piece of cardboard wae letters on it. Ma Molls wanted to know wit as wiz dane. She fought I wiz gone to write to people tae invite them on tae ma Weegi board, but as hud tae explain that wees just hud tae wait and see wit ghosts wanted to talk tae us from the 'udder side'. Then ma Molls said that she thought a Weegi Board wiz like some sort of Committee made up of folk fae Glesga, cos folks fae Glesga are sometimes called Weegi's, by the peepells from Edinburger!! Ma Molls is right bootifool, but she is as fick as ma Mums mince!!
Noo as hud seen ma pal Derek Acorah dane a Weegi board on the TV show, Most Haunted. He is so cool, he keeps getting possessed by Spirits, and then keeps talkin aboot takin Snuff (which is like LSD) Between ewes and me, az finks ma pal Derek has had wan spirit two many before he started his Weegi board!!
I gets a glass doon aff the counter in wur cell, and pit it on ma Weegi board. As then hud tae pit on a right spooky yell tae summons the ghosts. A yells at them, knock twice for Yes and wance for No. Ewes will no beeleeve wit happened!! I swear tae masell, we heard two loud knocks on the wall. OMG!! Man how cool wiz that. I was right laughin when ma Molls pee'd hersel. Ma Molls was greetin by this time, she didnae want tae play any more!! So a yells again and, another two knocks on the wall. I just wished a hud had all that fancy recording equipment that Derek Acorah uses to prove that there are ghosts, cos as could have been dead rich when I sold ma storee. Molls is right cryin her eyes oot noo, she telt me tae stop it, but a fot it was so cool, a wanted to find oot who wiz knocking on the wall.
A yells wan mare time, and wur cell door flew open!! In came ma Mum, and she said "I am not going to tell you again Presley, go to your bed and when I knock on the wall that means GO to bed". Oh No....heres me and the Molls finkin wee's had made contact wae a ghost and it wiz only the ghoul in the next room watchin the telly!!
Me and the Molls huvnae tried the Weegi board since, but as huvnae given up tryin tae prove that there is Life after Death, and as soon as a dae, ewes will be the first tae know. In the meentime, for all ewes septics oot there who dinny believe in Life After Death, gets yersells aroond tae our open prizon early in the mornin an see ma Mum!
Big Presley takin care of business, ghost huntin in the gerden! x
Ewes can ask millions of people if wees dugs and cats have a sixth sense and theys will all agree wee's do. All the frigin Scientists in the world huvnae managed to prove that there is wan FAKE amongst us!! Ma wee pal Olly the cat, has mare sixth sense than any other cat I ken. I know this to be true cos, he runs and hides from folk before theys have even gone into his prison cell. Noo that is real cool.
At Halloween as says to ma Molls come on wee will have a WEEGI board, and ma Molls thought that wiz a right cool idea. She said tae me "who will be on the Weegi Board?" Wit are ewe talking aboot Molls?!? Wit dae yae mean who will be on it??? I dont know who will be on it until wees do it! I gets masell a right big piece of cardboard wae letters on it. Ma Molls wanted to know wit as wiz dane. She fought I wiz gone to write to people tae invite them on tae ma Weegi board, but as hud tae explain that wees just hud tae wait and see wit ghosts wanted to talk tae us from the 'udder side'. Then ma Molls said that she thought a Weegi Board wiz like some sort of Committee made up of folk fae Glesga, cos folks fae Glesga are sometimes called Weegi's, by the peepells from Edinburger!! Ma Molls is right bootifool, but she is as fick as ma Mums mince!!
Noo as hud seen ma pal Derek Acorah dane a Weegi board on the TV show, Most Haunted. He is so cool, he keeps getting possessed by Spirits, and then keeps talkin aboot takin Snuff (which is like LSD) Between ewes and me, az finks ma pal Derek has had wan spirit two many before he started his Weegi board!!
I gets a glass doon aff the counter in wur cell, and pit it on ma Weegi board. As then hud tae pit on a right spooky yell tae summons the ghosts. A yells at them, knock twice for Yes and wance for No. Ewes will no beeleeve wit happened!! I swear tae masell, we heard two loud knocks on the wall. OMG!! Man how cool wiz that. I was right laughin when ma Molls pee'd hersel. Ma Molls was greetin by this time, she didnae want tae play any more!! So a yells again and, another two knocks on the wall. I just wished a hud had all that fancy recording equipment that Derek Acorah uses to prove that there are ghosts, cos as could have been dead rich when I sold ma storee. Molls is right cryin her eyes oot noo, she telt me tae stop it, but a fot it was so cool, a wanted to find oot who wiz knocking on the wall.
A yells wan mare time, and wur cell door flew open!! In came ma Mum, and she said "I am not going to tell you again Presley, go to your bed and when I knock on the wall that means GO to bed". Oh No....heres me and the Molls finkin wee's had made contact wae a ghost and it wiz only the ghoul in the next room watchin the telly!!
Me and the Molls huvnae tried the Weegi board since, but as huvnae given up tryin tae prove that there is Life after Death, and as soon as a dae, ewes will be the first tae know. In the meentime, for all ewes septics oot there who dinny believe in Life After Death, gets yersells aroond tae our open prizon early in the mornin an see ma Mum!
Big Presley takin care of business, ghost huntin in the gerden! x
Wednesday, 14 November 2007
Never mind countin Sheep wit aboot Geese!
As canny work oot wit ewes hoomans are all aboot! I wiz lookin at a website aboot dugs & beetches, cos a wanted to see if theys had like a datin section, like a lonelee harts tipe thing. Az is no lonely cos as have ma Molls tae keep me companee, but wan day she is gonae be too old tae play leep frog way me and I fots ah should get ma sell known wiff a few udder 'lonelee' beetches. On this website theys had a bit that said what type of job would yur dog or beetch do if he wiz to go tae work!! What the ......, is that all aboot?? Wee's dont need to go to work, ewes day that, we stay in prison, and eat, sleep and play awe day.
So it gets mee's thinking, just what a shower of nujobs ewes hoomans reallee are, and as looked into wit types of jobs there wiz available. Noo I wiz a bit concerned when as found oot that ma Mum wiz a Pet Undertaker, what tipe of job is that? loony tune eh?
Well then, as see's a bit on ma Compootar aboot a guy who coounted Geese! We has millions of them been flying over oor prizon the last few weeks, and wiz wantin to find oot how easy it wiz tae fly. That would be a right cool way to eescape from ma prsion.
As a wiz readin aboot them, and as discovered that theys have flown all the way from Iceland, thats a right long way, theys must be rite sleepee by the times they get tae Lan Ark. Az guess theys are coming doon here fur Christmas dinner or somfin. Well no fur tae sit and eat dinner, like wee's do, but tae be stuffed up the jacksy and pit on a plate!! If as were them I wid have stayed where theys were, and frozen tae death! Seems better than having anythin stuffed up the old jacksy!
Then as see's that some plonker reckons that 17,000 migrate here every winter!! Noo what is that all aboot? Wit tipe of persun applied for a job coountin Geese? Huv ewes ever tried to even coount how many frigin birds are in yur gerden? Its nearly impossible, cos theys all look the same and everytimes you coount to aboot 6, they fly aroond and ewes huv tae stert all over again. So as been thinking that the guy who said he coounted Geese was talking a load of rubbish..!!! Wit are wees meant tae believe? Who paid him tae coount Geese? Noo am no Political, but as thinks it wiz probably Tony Blair.
Its like yon guy who discovered that ewes could get milk oot of they massive crown jewells! Wit possessed him to even see wit would come oot of there??? And, wit really gets me, is what possessed him to drink it?? YUCK
Anyways, as must go noo, cos as have got tae get on wae ma business. Elvis has left the study! x
So it gets mee's thinking, just what a shower of nujobs ewes hoomans reallee are, and as looked into wit types of jobs there wiz available. Noo I wiz a bit concerned when as found oot that ma Mum wiz a Pet Undertaker, what tipe of job is that? loony tune eh?
Well then, as see's a bit on ma Compootar aboot a guy who coounted Geese! We has millions of them been flying over oor prizon the last few weeks, and wiz wantin to find oot how easy it wiz tae fly. That would be a right cool way to eescape from ma prsion.
As a wiz readin aboot them, and as discovered that theys have flown all the way from Iceland, thats a right long way, theys must be rite sleepee by the times they get tae Lan Ark. Az guess theys are coming doon here fur Christmas dinner or somfin. Well no fur tae sit and eat dinner, like wee's do, but tae be stuffed up the jacksy and pit on a plate!! If as were them I wid have stayed where theys were, and frozen tae death! Seems better than having anythin stuffed up the old jacksy!
Then as see's that some plonker reckons that 17,000 migrate here every winter!! Noo what is that all aboot? Wit tipe of persun applied for a job coountin Geese? Huv ewes ever tried to even coount how many frigin birds are in yur gerden? Its nearly impossible, cos theys all look the same and everytimes you coount to aboot 6, they fly aroond and ewes huv tae stert all over again. So as been thinking that the guy who said he coounted Geese was talking a load of rubbish..!!! Wit are wees meant tae believe? Who paid him tae coount Geese? Noo am no Political, but as thinks it wiz probably Tony Blair.
Its like yon guy who discovered that ewes could get milk oot of they massive crown jewells! Wit possessed him to even see wit would come oot of there??? And, wit really gets me, is what possessed him to drink it?? YUCK
Anyways, as must go noo, cos as have got tae get on wae ma business. Elvis has left the study! x
Tuesday, 13 November 2007
EMERGENSEE YELL
As cannee believe az have had to wait awe day for a wee shot on ma compootar, cos az have reallee important informashon for all the dugs and beetches oot there.
Ewes must all know the story aboot the 'boy who cried wolf', that wiz a right funny story, me and the molls had a right good laff aboot how stoopid the boy wiz. See, I tells ma Molls that she shouldnae tell any lies, cos Mum & Dad will no beeleeve hur when shes is telling the troof. Me on the other paw, well I fot of a way aroond this problem, and az is going to share my seekret with ewes, so that ewes didnae get cot oot like the boy who cried wolf.
Right this is what I wants ewes all tae do. Ewes have to have different sounding yells to get yur Mum & Dads attenshon. Pick aboot 3 or 4 different yells, cos ewes dinnae want to huv too many or your stoopid parents will no be able to tell the difference. Ma Mum calls ma yells, barks! Barks, that wid be a good name for ma Mums pal Tree!
Az have wan yell fur when as is hungree, wan yell fur when as needs a pee, and wan for an emergensee! Ma Mum calls this ma cliping bark, cos a huv had tae use it when ma Molls is doin somefin right bad. Ma F....Mum kens ma different barks, and if she knows as is hungree or just needin a pee she just wanders in tae see me, like there is nae rush. Thats why a hud tae develop ma third yell, and when as does this, ewes wid think that someone had shoved a ton of rocket fuel behind her!! I laff when as see's her runnin like that, wi a look of sheer horrur on her face....its priceless and so funnee.
Noo I like to keeps ma emergency yell for real important things, like when Molls does somefin rang and I wants to see her gettin into bother from Mum. But wan day it kinda all went a bit rang fur me. Wit happen wiz this, as wiz playin hide and seek with ma Molls. I did the hiding and she did the seeking. So I fund a right cool place to hide. As decided to hide up on the unit in the wee room aft oor prison cell. (I think ma Mum calls it a utility room, when she is tryin to impress her poor pals). Anyways, as jumps up on to the unit, cos underneaf the unit is the washin machines! Aye wee's has two washin machines, cos wee's didnae want oor blankets washed in wey ma Dads socks, cos they stink! Ma Mum had left a basket thing fool of washin, so I wiz hiding behind that.
I wiz laffin like mad, cos ma Molls couldnae fund me and she wiz getting right upset, cos she is nae good at this game. Wit the ....... dae ewes think she went and did....only, went off in the huff and went moose huntin and left mee's hiding ma sell. Noo, ah dont know if any of ewes have ever tried to play hide and seek yersel, but its no fun. Its a bit like the time a played Eye Spy on ma ane, and a lost! So, I fot right thats it, as is never playin wey you again Molls, but a hud a wee problem. Cos as wiz stuck and as couldnae get back doon. I fought OMG, wit the ....... am a go nae dae noo. As stood fur ages tryin tae work oot how I wiz gonae get doon wey oot help from ma Molls. Then I fought I wid dae ma EMERGENSEE YELL. Wey hey...aye a noo it wid work, cos I heard ma Mum run like a bat oooot of hell. Then in a right split second, as thoughts to ma sell, OMG, az is go tae get into a right load of bover and as will end up back in the cooler. So I shut up!! But Mum was on a mission, but fankfoolee she didnae see me. She ran right past me and oot the back door! She did this aboot 3 or 4 times, and she wiz callin ma name. Oh no, wit the ...... should ah dae! She came runnin back in again, and then she saw me!! I just knows ma Molls only gone and telt her where as wiz hidin.
I didnae speak to ma Molls for a whole minute efter she dobbed me in, cos as wiz put in the cooler, but the right funny thing wiz, Mum put Molls in the cooler too. Am no sure if ma Mum will run as fast next times as have tae dae an Emergensee Yell, and if she disnae, it will be all Mollys fault. Moral of the story to all ewes dugs & beetches oot there, only use the Emergensee Yell if it is a reel emergensee!!
Big Presley has left the building cos as is takin care of ma ane business x
Ewes must all know the story aboot the 'boy who cried wolf', that wiz a right funny story, me and the molls had a right good laff aboot how stoopid the boy wiz. See, I tells ma Molls that she shouldnae tell any lies, cos Mum & Dad will no beeleeve hur when shes is telling the troof. Me on the other paw, well I fot of a way aroond this problem, and az is going to share my seekret with ewes, so that ewes didnae get cot oot like the boy who cried wolf.
Right this is what I wants ewes all tae do. Ewes have to have different sounding yells to get yur Mum & Dads attenshon. Pick aboot 3 or 4 different yells, cos ewes dinnae want to huv too many or your stoopid parents will no be able to tell the difference. Ma Mum calls ma yells, barks! Barks, that wid be a good name for ma Mums pal Tree!
Az have wan yell fur when as is hungree, wan yell fur when as needs a pee, and wan for an emergensee! Ma Mum calls this ma cliping bark, cos a huv had tae use it when ma Molls is doin somefin right bad. Ma F....Mum kens ma different barks, and if she knows as is hungree or just needin a pee she just wanders in tae see me, like there is nae rush. Thats why a hud tae develop ma third yell, and when as does this, ewes wid think that someone had shoved a ton of rocket fuel behind her!! I laff when as see's her runnin like that, wi a look of sheer horrur on her face....its priceless and so funnee.
Noo I like to keeps ma emergency yell for real important things, like when Molls does somefin rang and I wants to see her gettin into bother from Mum. But wan day it kinda all went a bit rang fur me. Wit happen wiz this, as wiz playin hide and seek with ma Molls. I did the hiding and she did the seeking. So I fund a right cool place to hide. As decided to hide up on the unit in the wee room aft oor prison cell. (I think ma Mum calls it a utility room, when she is tryin to impress her poor pals). Anyways, as jumps up on to the unit, cos underneaf the unit is the washin machines! Aye wee's has two washin machines, cos wee's didnae want oor blankets washed in wey ma Dads socks, cos they stink! Ma Mum had left a basket thing fool of washin, so I wiz hiding behind that.
I wiz laffin like mad, cos ma Molls couldnae fund me and she wiz getting right upset, cos she is nae good at this game. Wit the ....... dae ewes think she went and did....only, went off in the huff and went moose huntin and left mee's hiding ma sell. Noo, ah dont know if any of ewes have ever tried to play hide and seek yersel, but its no fun. Its a bit like the time a played Eye Spy on ma ane, and a lost! So, I fot right thats it, as is never playin wey you again Molls, but a hud a wee problem. Cos as wiz stuck and as couldnae get back doon. I fought OMG, wit the ....... am a go nae dae noo. As stood fur ages tryin tae work oot how I wiz gonae get doon wey oot help from ma Molls. Then I fought I wid dae ma EMERGENSEE YELL. Wey hey...aye a noo it wid work, cos I heard ma Mum run like a bat oooot of hell. Then in a right split second, as thoughts to ma sell, OMG, az is go tae get into a right load of bover and as will end up back in the cooler. So I shut up!! But Mum was on a mission, but fankfoolee she didnae see me. She ran right past me and oot the back door! She did this aboot 3 or 4 times, and she wiz callin ma name. Oh no, wit the ...... should ah dae! She came runnin back in again, and then she saw me!! I just knows ma Molls only gone and telt her where as wiz hidin.
I didnae speak to ma Molls for a whole minute efter she dobbed me in, cos as wiz put in the cooler, but the right funny thing wiz, Mum put Molls in the cooler too. Am no sure if ma Mum will run as fast next times as have tae dae an Emergensee Yell, and if she disnae, it will be all Mollys fault. Moral of the story to all ewes dugs & beetches oot there, only use the Emergensee Yell if it is a reel emergensee!!
Big Presley has left the building cos as is takin care of ma ane business x
Sunday, 11 November 2007
Ewe's dont speak English, like wit a do!!
Well you'll no believe wits happened......, someone has only gone and made a complaint aboot the way a talk. Aye a know, ewe's canny believe it, well neither could I, but its right true. Ma Mum said that this wumin from Engerland couldnt understand wit it wiz as wiz talkin aboot, cos as wiz tellin ma stories in Scottish. What the ..... is that aw aboot, a am Scotteesh! I disnae write in Scotteesh, as just writes in me, Big Presley the King, lingo.....like ma main man Ali G. This wumins name is Tree! That canny be right, wit type of Tree? You canny just be a Tree, wiffout being some type of Tree!! As wiz wunderin if she wiz like a pee Tree or sumfin, that me and molls wid like. I guess it must be some weerdo custom they huv in Engerland, no tae give wumin proper names. See me, ma name is Presley, that name originated in Engerland and for all ewes uneducated folk oot there, it means Meadow of Priests. When they named me they obviously thought I wiz the High Priest or sumfin, and thats why they changed it to Presley the King. There used to be loads of Kings in Scotland, but there is only wan noo.....ME!
So fur ma Mums pal Tree this is wit as is sayin:
Mum = Mum
Dad = Dad
Molls = Mollee ma beetch
Beetch = Bitch - thats a wumin dug
Wumin = Wooooooman
Wiz = Was or Pee
Ma = My or Scotteesh Maw
Dug Dealer = Someone who buys and sells dugs
Maw = Mother
Sumfin = Something
Leep Frog = Practising for the Grand National, with me Molls as the horse and me the jockey!
Chastity Belt = body harness for ma chain to be attached to
Udder = other
Codger = an elderly man
Choo = Eat everything regardless of wit its made of
Noo as hope this will help ma Mums pal, Tree, to undertsand wit it is as is writing aboot. Tree, that canny be right!! Noo, wait till ewes here the right funnee fing about this wumin. She is called Tree, and she is a dug dealer like ma Mum, but wit the ...... dae ewes think she went and called her dugs? Only Dave, Tom & Daisy!! They are reel proper names. Ewes wid think that she wid have called them things like, Root, Leaf, Branch, Twig or somfin, noo that wid have made sense!! Cos when the dugs went to school, and somewan says "who are you?", they could say, "as is Branch, Tree is ma Maw".
See ma mate Toby McKay, his brother is called Willow, what the ..... is that all aboot? Noo you dont need to be Inspector Clooso to work oot, that Tobys Maw must have stole Willow from Tree!!
Noo as knows ewes all canny be as smart as me, so if anywan oot there is gona gee a dug a name, phone me first and as will telt ewes wit tae call them. As been gettin a right load of fan mail from ma beetches, but apart from the Molls, who isnae lookin after hersel as well as she could, ma other best beetch is ma wee pal Rag. So fur aw ewes beetches oot there who want me to play leap frog with ewes, ewes are just gona huff to wait, cos as is in great demand.
Noo tomorrow, as gona tell you another story, and noo that ma Mums pal Tree kens wit as is talkin aboot, she will be able to underston me! Big Presley has left the building, taking care of business.....ootside in the gerden. x
So fur ma Mums pal Tree this is wit as is sayin:
Mum = Mum
Dad = Dad
Molls = Mollee ma beetch
Beetch = Bitch - thats a wumin dug
Wumin = Wooooooman
Wiz = Was or Pee
Ma = My or Scotteesh Maw
Dug Dealer = Someone who buys and sells dugs
Maw = Mother
Sumfin = Something
Leep Frog = Practising for the Grand National, with me Molls as the horse and me the jockey!
Chastity Belt = body harness for ma chain to be attached to
Udder = other
Codger = an elderly man
Choo = Eat everything regardless of wit its made of
Noo as hope this will help ma Mums pal, Tree, to undertsand wit it is as is writing aboot. Tree, that canny be right!! Noo, wait till ewes here the right funnee fing about this wumin. She is called Tree, and she is a dug dealer like ma Mum, but wit the ...... dae ewes think she went and called her dugs? Only Dave, Tom & Daisy!! They are reel proper names. Ewes wid think that she wid have called them things like, Root, Leaf, Branch, Twig or somfin, noo that wid have made sense!! Cos when the dugs went to school, and somewan says "who are you?", they could say, "as is Branch, Tree is ma Maw".
See ma mate Toby McKay, his brother is called Willow, what the ..... is that all aboot? Noo you dont need to be Inspector Clooso to work oot, that Tobys Maw must have stole Willow from Tree!!
Noo as knows ewes all canny be as smart as me, so if anywan oot there is gona gee a dug a name, phone me first and as will telt ewes wit tae call them. As been gettin a right load of fan mail from ma beetches, but apart from the Molls, who isnae lookin after hersel as well as she could, ma other best beetch is ma wee pal Rag. So fur aw ewes beetches oot there who want me to play leap frog with ewes, ewes are just gona huff to wait, cos as is in great demand.
Noo tomorrow, as gona tell you another story, and noo that ma Mums pal Tree kens wit as is talkin aboot, she will be able to underston me! Big Presley has left the building, taking care of business.....ootside in the gerden. x
Molly the Mohican!
I telt ewes the udder day that wee's has a naybur, honestly its troo, even out here in the country. I guess they canny hay much money and got their hoose right cheap, cos lets face it, nae buddy would want tae live next door tae an open prizon foo of dugs! As dont know wits theys folk are called, that live next tae us, but as call them Tom & Barbara Good, not cos theys are Good, but cos theys are like they nutjobs aff the telly programme the Good Life! Theys have dugs, and about 6 chickens, (well 5, since me and the Molls kilt wan), theys have geese, theys have they big dugs wiff udders, and theys even had lambs. I knows a rhyme about that....., Mary had a little lamb,She thought it was quite silly. She threw it up into the air, And caught it ......no, as canny say the next bit! Thats ma favorite nursery rhyme, its no the words ma Mum tot me, but as just changed the words, cos ma Molls laffs when as tell her that one.
Anyways, as has counted that Tom & Barbara have 3 dugs, wan is so old, he can hardly even walk, so as call him the old codger. Then they huv a younger version of the old codger, as call him the codger and, theys have a black and white dug that as call syco, cos he's is a syco. He just jumps up and doon aw day, hee's thinks he is Zebedee from the Magic Roundabout, either that or he is on drugs! Me and the Molls shout at thems frew the fence, and wee's chase them up and doon the exercise yard. Theys canny run as fast as me and the molls, cos theys are old and fat, and syco can only go up and doon. As thinks the old codger is gona have a heart attack wan day trying to chase us, its so funnee, cos he's always got tae lie doon after wee's have knackered him oot.
Wan day me and the Molls were runnin up and doon, shoutin abuse at the codgers and syco and wee's were laffin real hard. Next thing is, ma Molls let oot a screem like ewes have niver heard in ewer lifes before, unless ewes have heard oor Mum screem. Anyways, Molls wiz cryin, so as runs to her, I fot wan of the codgers had stabbed her or shot her or sumfin. She was right sobbin and as helps carry her back to oor cell. Mum came in and looked at ma Molls and OMG , Molls had a Mohican hair do on her back!! They nutjobs had only gone and skinned me Molls alive!! I dont remember much else, cos I think as fainted!
When as woke up Dad had clean Molls back and geed her a chew. Theys wiz laffin at me cos a hud fainted, but as telt them I wiz only joking, so's that a could get a choo too.
Ma Molls back has all heeled up noo, it turns oot the codgers hud nae stabbed her, she caught it on a tree stump, but Molls is left with her Mohican hair style on her back!. Shee's gona huff tae look after hersel a bit better, cos she begining to hang like a pun of mince, wit wae her broken tail and noo her Mohican. As like ma beetches to look good all the time, so as gona see if as can book Molls in for wan of they face lift things. Right got to go noo and dae my research. Big Presley has left the study. Taking care of business! x
Anyways, as has counted that Tom & Barbara have 3 dugs, wan is so old, he can hardly even walk, so as call him the old codger. Then they huv a younger version of the old codger, as call him the codger and, theys have a black and white dug that as call syco, cos he's is a syco. He just jumps up and doon aw day, hee's thinks he is Zebedee from the Magic Roundabout, either that or he is on drugs! Me and the Molls shout at thems frew the fence, and wee's chase them up and doon the exercise yard. Theys canny run as fast as me and the molls, cos theys are old and fat, and syco can only go up and doon. As thinks the old codger is gona have a heart attack wan day trying to chase us, its so funnee, cos he's always got tae lie doon after wee's have knackered him oot.
Wan day me and the Molls were runnin up and doon, shoutin abuse at the codgers and syco and wee's were laffin real hard. Next thing is, ma Molls let oot a screem like ewes have niver heard in ewer lifes before, unless ewes have heard oor Mum screem. Anyways, Molls wiz cryin, so as runs to her, I fot wan of the codgers had stabbed her or shot her or sumfin. She was right sobbin and as helps carry her back to oor cell. Mum came in and looked at ma Molls and OMG , Molls had a Mohican hair do on her back!! They nutjobs had only gone and skinned me Molls alive!! I dont remember much else, cos I think as fainted!
When as woke up Dad had clean Molls back and geed her a chew. Theys wiz laffin at me cos a hud fainted, but as telt them I wiz only joking, so's that a could get a choo too.
Ma Molls back has all heeled up noo, it turns oot the codgers hud nae stabbed her, she caught it on a tree stump, but Molls is left with her Mohican hair style on her back!. Shee's gona huff tae look after hersel a bit better, cos she begining to hang like a pun of mince, wit wae her broken tail and noo her Mohican. As like ma beetches to look good all the time, so as gona see if as can book Molls in for wan of they face lift things. Right got to go noo and dae my research. Big Presley has left the study. Taking care of business! x
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