Look Lefft

Hullo its mee again, have ewes bin missin mee? Well see fing iz thiz az iz no bin well, which meens az haz bin sick. Noo az diznae ken why, ah meen its no like ma Mum cooked mee mare mince or anyfin like that. So az finks ah cot wan of they invizibill bug fings. Az will no go intae two many deetales aboot ma sick, but wit happined wiz thiz. Wan day az wiz no feelin well and az wiz sick on ma Mums noo floorin. How cool wiz that? Noo az looked rite sad and widnae play wiff ma Mollee. Az wiz only sad coz when az wiz sick it wiz ma choo that came up! So ma Dad pure took mee tae the Docktor. They Docktors arenae rite in the heed. Hee iz always tryin tae stick fings in ma back bottom, az swears, that is the troof. Hee said it wiz tae take ma tempratoor, Aye Rite!!Butt see az have herd aboot folk like him, so az widnae let him day that tae mee. Anyways, hee pure geed mee sum medisin tae pit in ma dinner and az wiz well again in no times.

Noo az haz an udder troo storee tae tell ewes and az swears tae ma sell thiz iz the troof and az will try and no pit in any cheep jokes!!. Ma Mum wiz drivin tae the Vets tae get tablets fur worms, noo az didnae ken she had worms. Anyways az Roda in hur Skoda wiz dane hur usual speed like she wiz in a Grand Prick race, she pure seen somfin running across the road in front of hur. Wiz it a moose? wiz it a rabbitt? wiz it an airoplane? - No, noo ewes are bean dafft, it wiznae a airoplane, it wiz a burd!! Well thiz wee burd wiz pure runnin like the clappers! But fing iz hee pure forgot tae look lefft. Coz fing iz, cumin towards ma Mum wiz free cars!! And ewes ken wit happined next!! SPLAT! Well no quite. The burd went rite under neef the car missin the wheels.
Hee pure looked like he wiz in a tumbler dryer, gettin flung aboot. But...fankfoolee, hee pure bounced oot the udder end, and he wiz still alive, az swear hee wiz! Well he wiz still alive until the second and furd car hit him!! Buy noo, ma Mum iz neerlee pure greetin, coz wan fing ma Mum reelee hates tae see iz deed aneemals. So shee pure screetches tae a halt and pure diz hur Lindfurd Christie impersunatshon. Well wit ah meen by that, iz ewe ken how when marafon runners pure starts a race they kinda gets doon on wan knee, well that iz wit ah means buy sayin ma Mum wiz like Lindfurd Christie - coz shee canny run and by the time shee got back tae where the burd wiz, shee wiz on hur knees. Noo the wee burd, az will call him RR fur short, that stands fur Road Runner - and standin wiz mare than the burd wiz dane!. Hee wiz pure lying on the road lookin like hee had bin hit by aboot free cars or sumfin. So ma Mum picks him up and pure carried him tae hur car. Hee wiznae happee aboot thiz, az finks hee had herd aboot ma Mums drivin, and hee pure tried tae bite hur. Cool eh? Ma Mum had pure hunners of blood on hur hands frum the wee burd.
When shee got tae the vets, shee pure asked the vet (The Vet is called Donald, but befour ewes ask, hees no a Duck), if the burd could bee saved, and if it couldnae cood hee pure day the rite fing by the burd and pit it tae sleep. Noo the vets nurse pure said check oot the nick of him, but turns oot shee wiz talkin aboot RR an no Donald the Vet. Donald said tae ma Mum usually if a burd iz like pure runnin, there is sumfin rong wiff it and it turned oot that the RR had bin runnin on hiz knees - how cool iz that, az will get Mollee tae try that later. Anyways, Donald reckoned that RR could bee saved and ma Mum wiz rite happee. So hee wiz givin sum medisin by the Vet and pit in a box fur tae get better. Cool eh? Noo az hopes that RR haz pure learned hiz lesson that ewes should always look lefft befour going like the clappers across the road. So next times ewes sees a burd in ewer gerdin, check oot its knees and see if hees haz any sss..cars, coz it may just bee Road Runner.
take care, az will be back soon, love fae big Presley the King xxxx

Heed bangurs

Noo ewes all ken mee, az iz a lover an no a fighter. Az am a fillosifer an a finker. Az always tries tae avoid bean pollitikal, but sumtimes az gets pure angree wiff peepells, and over the past foo munffs az have bin rite cheesed off buy hoomans beehavewer.
See noo fing iz, sum hoomans finks az am daft, but that iz jizt no the case, az am rite cliver.
Noo ewes all ken aboot the aboose sum aneemals suffer at the hands of hoomans an that iz so rang. Az finks they do thiz coz a lot of hoomans brains are located in there bums. See frum ma point of view, ma view iz usually of hoomans bums, coz az am tall, so az haz a rite good advantage an az pure sees and heers wits goin on.
Let mee explains wit az meens. Over the past foo munffs az have seen hoomans make out theys are pure good pals wiff udder hoomans. But the troof iz that sum of they hoomans are pure bean rite nastee aboot there pals tae udder pals, jist tae coz trubble. Then ewes gets hoomans who are no nastee and udder hoomans see thiz az a weekness and pure make them oot tae bee bad peepells. Ewes do peepells a good turn but ewe dont expeckt tae bee given monee in return. Thats jizt no rite. Ewes all ken the sayin that the more ewes do fur peepells the less ewes iz appreesheeated. Well, az kens that the more sum peepells coz trubbles, the more udder peepells finks theys are grate!! Hoomans only listen wiff one eer, thats coz so much iz comin oot there bottoms!! Ewe heers sumwon iz doin rite well fur themselves, and good peepells finks 'thats pure dead brilliant'. But a lot of nastee peepells who see sumwon dane well fur themselves and finks 'thats no pure dead brilliant and az will pure boolee them until theys are no dane well fur themselves'. Noo wit iz all that aboot???
The hole hooman world haz gone pure nuts. A lot of ewes seems tae fink that if ewes are nastee ewes will get on in thiz world and bee rite liked. Well az have got noos fur all the nastee hoomans oot there. Ewes should sit doon wan day, maybees in a gardin or sumfin, and look around ewes and rememburs that if ewes cannae do sumwon a good turn, dont dae them a bad turn. Ewes are no oot of thiz world yet and az pure kens that wit goes around comes around. Like when ma Mollee eets a poo, az pure kens it will turn up again!!
Jizt rememburs, good peepells dont have tae do anyfin fur tae repay nastee peepells, one day bad fings will happin tae the nastee peepells. An wit chance diz sum dogs have in life if hoomans cannae even treet udder hoomans wiff respect? One day theys will pure come unstuck. Like two dugs who diznae play leep frog rite!!
See ma Mollee eets hur dinner an then shee pure comes an eets mine. Noo fing iz, az can eiver a) act like a bad hooman an growl and bite hur or b) az finks tae masell - ewe pure wire in Mollee, coz if shee eets too much dinner shee cannae run away fae mee when az plays leep frog wiff hur.
Ewes hoomans wunder whys wee dugs only have a short life in thiz mateereal world, well let mee tells ewes, the ansur iz staring ewes in the face.. start finkin like a dug and pure enjoy ever minit of ewer life and stop spendin ewer life bean nastee tae udder peepells, espeshallee the wons ewe fink of az ewer pals. Wees have a short life coz wees love everybuddee and wees dont do nastee fings tae wur pals behind there backs.
Moral of ma storee iz, sit back and take a good long look at wits ewes iz all aboot az hoomans, an maybee, jist maybees, if ewes start tae treet udder hoomans properlee, ewe jist mite get the chance tae come back intae this world next time az a Pedigree Lurcher and no a hooman.
Love fae big Presley the fillosifer and finker.
Love tae all ma babes xx

Good noos

Hullo everyboddees,
Az wid jist like tae say that az have had rite good noos. See fing iz, az gets reeley upsets tae heer that ma babes or sum of ma pals are no well. But az wid like tae give a speshall menshon tae a foo of ma pals whos have no bin well and are noo well. Ma numbur wan babe Juno iz feelin much better noo, so thats cool. Juno iz ma feeonsees sistur, so wan dae Juno will bee ma sistur in paw. And an udder big cool dude iz Mason, who iz keepin reel well two. Am no sure if Mason iz a Mason, but oz az will say, iz that hee geed mee a rite funnee paw shake the last time az seen him. Noo he iz also a rite handsum dug, hee iz pure black and white, like wan of those horsesey wans ewes sees in the Cowboy and Ingin movees. Az finks theys are called Pintos or sumfin like that. Ma udder babe Missee, who pure lived wiff mee fur a munff, iz also keepin rite well. Az hopes that all ma babes and ma pals continewes tae keep well and if theys wid like tae come and stay wiff mee fur a holidee theys can.
Noo its no rainin hear, an az finks that iz a world record fur Lan Ark, a dry dae, so mee and Mollees are awae oot side tae noise up Diego and Dora the pigs fae next doors.
Speek soon, love tae all ma babes
Fae big Presley xxxx

A Sossage dug!!

Noos ewe all kens wit az am like, az pure loves all udder annemals, esspesshally the babes varr eye etty. Anways, az wiz wiff ma pussee cat pals Stan and Hilda last nites in the living rooms, that wiz rite cool, coz az finks Hilda pure fancies mee. Az wiz tellin them that az wiz lookin forward tae thiz weekends coz ma Dads hooman sistur iz comin tae stay wiff uz and shee haz a dug and a cat. Theys are called Broose and Mallee or sumfin. Broose is a cat and Mallee iz a dug - a babe dug. Theys are Inglish, but az widnae hold that against thems, in fact az widnae hold anyfin against thems. LOL. LOL, fur unedducated peepells meens Lots of Love az finks. Ma Mum says it stands fur Laffin oot Loud, but am no sure aboot that. Anyways az wiz gettin masell all reddee fur Bruce and Malllees visit, az wiz cleenin oot ma bits, if ewe kens wit a meens. Like ma eers and fings. But ewes will no beeleeve it, it noo turns oot that Bruce and Malleee iz no comin tae stae wiff uz. Az wiz rite upset and az asked why theys are no cumin. Ma Mum said that ma bruvers and sisturs wid eet Broose the cat and Mallee couldnae come tae visit eiver, coz Mallee wiz a sort of Dash hound. Wit the blazzes iz a Dash hound? See ma Mollee iz a Dash hound two shee pure Dashes aroond the gerdin at 190 mph. Then az rememburs that az could look up a Dash hound on the World Wide Spiders Webb fing. OMG az couldnae beelevee wit az wiz seein. It wiz a Sossage Dug!!! Az swears tae ma sell, a dug made fae sossages. FANTASTICK. How cool iz that.
But ma Mum says thats why Mallee cannee come an visit, coz all ma bruvers and sisters pure loves sossages and that widnae bee fare on the wee dug, tae bee covered in salt and peppers, and pure eetin fur dinner. See noo, az pure widnae allow that tae happin. See az am a veggeetareean, but ma brovers and sisturs arenae.
So az will jist sit in ma prizon cell and no speek tae anybuddee, fur at leest 5 minutes. So there.
Az will let ewe kens if any dug ever iz pure aloud tae visit mee.
Love big Presley the vegggeetareean fillosifer. xxx

Wit a load of Bool

Az haz bin so bizzee wiff doin udder fings az haz no had a chance tae speek tae ewes, but pure loads haz happined tae mee. Az haznae stopped laffin fur ages and noo az haz belly ake. See wit happined wiz thiz. Ma Mum pure got her hair all dun rite nice fur tae go tae work - az diznae ken wit all that iz aboot, ah meen, its not like anybuddee reeelee cares. Anyways, off shee pure goes and iz like drivin doon the road dane hur Rhoda in hur Skoda impersunashon. Next fing she sees sum coos, then shee pure looked again and seen udders. There wiz aboot 200 of them walkin doon a lane towards the road. Noo see, fing iz, ma Mum wiz rite worried that theys wid bee hurted by a car or a lorree, so shee stops and sees a lite on in a hoose. Shee drove up tae the hoose and an old wumin opened the door. Ma Mum telt hur that she had seen a coo and sum udders walkin doon the lane. The poor wumin neerlee had a pure hart attack and ran fae hur hoose, followed in hot purrsoot by ma Mum. It turns oot that thiz wumin wiz the mother of the fermer who owned the coos. Ma Mum felt rite sorree fur the wumin coz shee wiz aboot 90 yeers old. The wumin that iz, no ma Mum - az finks ma Mum iz only 80 sumfin. Anyways, ma Mum pure runs doon the hill tae the lane and stopped the traffick, befour any coos got hit. Then shee pure gives it hur best impersunatshun of Farmer Giles, and shouts at the coos Shoe, Shoe, and they pure stared at hur like she wiz a nut job! Noo ma Mum iz no wan tae bee intimmadated buy a load of coos, so shee walked rite up tae them and says shoe ya daft moo. Cool eh? Noo ma Mum finks they kent shee wiz an undertaker coz they pure ran back intae there feeld. But az finks ma Mum jizt got two close and pure frightened the life oot of them wae a face like hurs an it wiz rainin so ma Mums hare wiz all over the place buy noo . The wee auld wumin fanked ma Mum fur awe hur help and ma Mum says, az didnae fink it wiz rite fur coos tae bee walkin doon tae the road. An the auld wumin said, theys iz no coos, theys iz bools!! Well the look on ma Mums face wiz pure dead brilliant, man az fots shee had seen a ghost. Bools, Bools, that iz so pure funnee. Well it wid have bin if ma Mum hud bin wearin a red jacket. So the moral of ma storee iz thiz. If ewes sees coos walkin doon the road, jizt remembur tae look underneef them, coz theys may be the udder kind of coo - a Bool.
Mee and Mollee iz still laffin coz ma Mum diznae ken a coo fae a Bool!!
Love tae all ma babes, and espeshally ma babe Rag who haz pure quallified fae Crufts again.
Love fae Big Presley the fillosifer. xx

Hullo its Meee az iz back wiff avengence!!

Deer all ma babes
Az iz reelee sorree az haz no bin around tae post, az wiz spendin two mutch time on an udder website lookin at picktoors of all ma babes. Az haz left that noo tae consintrate on ma ane fings an az haz noo got ma ane fotos tae look at. That iz pure dead cool.
Az haz had a grate time over the past 6 monffs, seein ma babes and meetin noo babes. But ma all times favrite fing iz goin tae visit ma Antee Noras at the seeside. See shee iz mum tae ma Feeeonsee Rag. Yip its troo, az swears tae masell, az haz got engaged and a prettier babe ewes will no see. Lots of rite nice fings haz happin tae mee and az will tells ewes all wit theys are and az will tells ewes how ma noo babee bruver iz dane. Yip its troo, az swears tae masell az haz a noo babee bruver, well see, hees no a reel bruver, hee iz like a quarter bruver, coz hee iz a canaeree. Hee iz rite cool, and az finks Ollee wur cat fancees him, coz Ollee pure sits all days lookin at him, like az diz wiff ma fotos of ma babes. Sum sad fings have happined tae mee two, but az diznae like tae bover two mutch aboot sad fings, coz they make mee sad. So maybees az will no bover tellin ewes any sad stuff, coz that will makes ewes sad two.
Anyways, az iz back and az iz lookin forwards tae tellin ewes all aboot ma rite happeee life hear at the open prizon in Lan Ark.
Love tae all ma babes, and if ewes wid like a date wiff mee, pleese emails mee and az will telt ewe wit buz tae take tae the prizon.
Love Presley the King and Fillosifur. xxx

Day Release

Hullo all ma fans, az bets ewes haz been missin me, well az iz back! Az haz been pure dead buzy rightin ma book. Todays though ah decides tae take a day aff fae rightin and az went on a walk wae some of ma beetches and some of ma hetro sexually challenged pals. See az wiz going tae write that theys were gay, but not all of thems are, some are pure right grumpy sometimes. Anyways aff me and ma Molls went tae a right far place in the pet hearse, az finks it wiz aboot 397 miles tae get there and aboot 3 miles tae come hame. Az meets up wae sum of ma old pals, but az wiz right sad that ma best pal Toby McKay wiznae there.
Well aw ma udder pals wiz there, Spooky caspur the sexually challenged wan, and hiz new boyfriend Ruben!! Ruben, wit kind of name is that?? If ma Molls wets on the carpet, az heers ma Mum shout, az haz bin 'ruben' this fur ages and the stain still haznae cum oot.
Then there wiz an udder big guy there called John, az finks az will call him Jonny, coz wees were on a walk and az kens some wan else called Johnny Walker. Noo ma pal Jonny, had hiz cells mates wae him and they wurs called Toots and Lassie. No the Lassie fae the telly mind, in fact, if shees wiz Lassie, shees wid be oot a job, coz she wiz sufferin from that wumins fing and shees wiz right narky wae the boys, butt she pure dead like mee.
Ewes will no believe wit happened tae mees. Az does what a King haz dae do, and coz az didnae huv ma Minder big mac wae me or ma heed of security Ikea, az decided that az should show ma beetches that az wiz a right proper gentledug and cover ma pee. But az swears tae masell, az a did thiz az fot a had dropped ma bling...wan of the Kings crown jewells, so az pure dead quickly bent doon tae pick it up wiffoot them seeins mee. But oz ah hears is awe the prison guards right laffin, coz theys finks az fell. Noo if ewes heers az fells, that iz jist no true.

Az iz pure right tired the nite, so az iz aff fur ma handsome sleep. Az will be back soon.
Love tae awe ma beetches.
Big Presley the King. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx