A noo compeetishon

Fur a chance to win a kissmass hat and scarf fur ewer dog or poosee cat this is ma compeetishon. The furst 2 dogee peepells to win and the furst cat persun to win will win. Cool.

This is ma questions witch ewe can replys to on ma facebook.

1 Wit iz ma reel bruver called?
2 Where do ah live?
3 What is Smallee's reel name
4 What is ma Feeonsee called
5 What does ma Mum do fur a living
6 How many poosee cats do ah have
7 How many pets in total live wiff mee
8 What is ma love child called
9 How old is mee and Mollee
10 How old is ma Feeonsee

All the ansurs are on ma blog - fanks love big Presser xxxxxxxxxxx

Kissmass List

Hullo its mee hear big Presley - now fing is sumtimes peepells fink am no a good boy, but ah am a good boy and ah fink aboot ma Mum all the times. Well the udder day ah found ma Mum's wiss list fur kissmass presents . So ah looked at the list, and ah didnt know wit sum of the fings were so ah got the nexx best fing. Ah have hidden thems in ma bed, so that it will be a surrprise on kissmass day, but ah fink she will be reel pleesed wiff what ah have got hur.



1. Space NK soap - am no sure wit this is, so ah got hur a Brillo Pad - it shood work a treet on hur face cos its good fur removing make-up.

2. Montblanc Pen - am no sure wit this is, but ma choo's look like pens so ah kept ma choo fur hur.

3. Grouse - we dont see many grouse round here, so ah fott ah wood give hur the crow that Mollee killed last monff.

4. Noo Belt fur hur denims - am no sure where to get wan of these, so ah will give hur ma extra long leed, that shood just aboot go round hur waste.

5 Chocolates - Ah cant get chocolates so ah fott ah wood give hur a box of bits of ma dinner cos she is always tellin me that ma dinner looks just as good!

6.New Mouse for hur compooter - Ah kens that there is a half eeten one in the garden that ma Mollee killed by mistakes - ah fink he wiz Mr Jingles No. 83.

7. Noo dinner plates - ah fott that cos ah keep breaking the plates, that ah wood give ma mum the same bowls as wee have, they is called staneless steels. Ah couldnt give hur one of mine, cos ah woodnt get any dinner, so ah stole the cats bowl.



Ah fink ewes will agree that am a rite good boy and Mum will be reel pleesed. This is a picktoor of ma pressents. Bye the way, the knife is no fur ma Mum, ah keeps that fur seecoortiee in case sumone breaks in. Ah have always done this since ah wiz a puppee growing up in Glesga.

A Snowwww Poem fur ma facebook pals!

Sing along wiff the toone to 'Walkin in a Wintur Wunder Land'

Dogs bowls chime and am listenin
On the road snow is glistening
A need a big s....e, before I'll bee happee tonite
Socking is this Wintur Wonderland

Gone away is ma last burd
Here to stay is ma noo burd
Ah sings a love song, As wee go along
Socking is this Wintur Wonderland

In the garden ewe can build a snowman
And I'll preetend that he is Fathur Brown
He'll say "Are Ewe Marreed Presley"
I'll say "No Way Man"
But ewe can do the job when Rags in town

Later on, we'll perspire
As we play leapfrog by the fire
To face Antee Nora unafraid
Wiff the puppee's that we made
Socking is this Wintur Wonderland

Boom Boom - love big Presley xxxx

Problem Solved -stay safe in the Snow!!

Now see fing is, ah made it ma life time ambishon to torture ma Mum fur giving ma bruver Aaron away and ah fink ah have made a good job of sending hur around the twist over the past 5 yeers (and everybuddee else who kens mee). But see fing is, ah fink fings have got rite out of hand. See after a long hard days, sumtimes ma Mum likes to reelaxx wiff a glass or free of wine and shee likes to do hur impershonastion of ma Da. For those who havenae seen ma Mums impershonastion of ma Da, it involves being inco-hearant when he speeks, dribbling and making funnee noises from half way doon his bodee (Mollee says am no aloud to use the wurd f*rt). Anyways, ma Dad wiz worreed that if ma Mum went oot tae work in hur car in all the snow, that she cood get stuck and wee woodnae see hur again fur days, maybee even monffs if wees were reelee luckee. So he got hur noo stickers for hur car, no wan, no too, but free stickers, so that anybuddee going to helps hur woodnae miss wit the problem wiz. He only went and got hur stickers advertising Alcohollicks Annonomus!! Ah swear that is the troof!! The sticker reeds sumfin like this...... If ewer car has broken doon or ewe has bean involved in an acksident, AA should be ewer first point of call for assisstanse - reesult or wit!!. In order to ressussitate the driver of this veehickle, pour sum loobricant doon the drivers froat, like wines or brandee's - thats should do the trick. How cool is that??

Horror of DRUGGIN dogs at Lan Ark Open Prizon!

Hullo all ewes, wate till ah tell ewes ma storee, this is troo and socking! Yesterdaes wee's went to visit the Vet Docktor, but wee wiznae hurted and wee wiznae ill so wee didnt need to be eggsamined. Ma Mum wiz talkin to the Vet Docktor (ah calls him the Minister, but that is a disguise fur his ill eagle goings on) and he gave ma Mum a bag wiff huge white pills in it! See fing is this, ah watches all the Pollis programmes on the TV's and ah kens all aboot Speed, Crack and Anfetameens, and am sure ma Mum bott drugs!! Ah kens ewe is all socked - cos after alls, ma Mum is daft eenuff wiffoot taking drugs. Anyways, sumfin happined at the Vet Docktors witch ah will tell ewes aboot 2morros, but it wiz soooooo funnee that mee an Mollee forgot aboot the Drugs. So last nite mee and Mollee's wiz sitting wathing Coppers on the Tellys, and ah herd Mum sayin to Dad "OMG ah forgot to give 'u know wit' to Presser and Smaller"!! Ma Da said "OMG ewe is pure a nutjob". Noo, ah kens it wiznae an errlee kissmass present, but ah didnae ken wit it wiz. So nexx fing Mum comes in wiff 2 of her best china bowls and in thems wiz ice screams and bannanna's. Then she pure says in her poshest acksent "Oh Pressleee oh Mollllleee look wit Mummee has fur ewe"!! See mee ah smelt a Rat and ah says to Mollllleee, have wee bean good today? Nope wiz the ansur, cos wee laffed at sumfin at the Vets that wee shouldnae have laffed at. But wee's ate wur ice scream wiff grate gusto - then ah spots them hidden in the bannnnanas - the DRUGS!!!! Ah ken wee wood not be given sumfin nice to eet when it wiznae even kissmas times yet. So see mee am cliver and ah ate all ice screams and left the drugs. Ah have a feeree and ah fink Mum wanted a long lie in hur bed, so she tried to Drug us, but she pure failed. Mollee says shee finks they were fur Worms, but these drugs were soooooo big a worm wood have pure choaked on thems. So ah fink it wiz to subdoo mee and Mollee. It got mee to finkin, maybe ah cood be a drug search dog in the Pollis or at the airports. This is a picktoor of the eevidense of them tryin to drug us!! Ah wiz such a smart dog that ma Mum gave mee and Mollee a speshall treet laters of Corned Beef and she said "eet up Presley ewe is ah a GOOD boy"!!

Undercover Boss UK

Hullo all ewes, its mee hear Big Presser - ah always says that incase an imposster is using ma compooter! Wee's were watching a programme on tellys last night aboot a boss of a burger company in Americas and what he did wiz to go in disguise and get a job in his ANE companee! Ah swear that is the troof - he pure did sum poor geezer out of a job filling burger buns - ah fink that wiz sellfish of him. Anyways it got mee finkin, and ah fink it wood be a good idear if ma Mum did the same fing with hur companee. Noo, lets not be sillee about this and fink it frew. She wood need to wear a wig or sumfin so that nobuddee kent her, then she could put on a funnee voice when she ansurs the fone - eye ah meen an udder funnee voice and no the wan she usually uses. Then she cood pure get in hur car and drive to peepells houses, but they woodnae ken it wiz ma Mum who is normallees the Direcktor, Marketing Manager, Accountant, Seckreetaree, Counseelor, Reeceptionist, Telefonist, Tea Maker and Cleener of her umpire called the Pet Undertaker. When ma Mum got back home, she cood pure fink aboot everyfin that happened and see where she needs to make improovments or see if she is doin anyfin rite. Ah fink that wood be a reel good eggsersise fur her and wood also make sure she isnae wastin time on udder fings that are no necessaree. Ah will ask ma Dad to videeo it, so it looks reel offentick and ah will put it where all ma Mums videeos end up on EWE TOOBE! Am away to help Mum wiff her disguise. Lots of Love big Presley xx

Happee Birffday to ma Princess Rag

My Princess Rag is FORE todae!! HAPPEE BIRFFDAE MA PRINCESS FEEONSEE. XX
Now ewe all kens mee and ewe all kens how mutch ah loves ma No.1 babes, but see fing is, see ma Rag she is very speshall cos she is ma Feeonsee and wee have a Love Child twogether called Coalman - he even looks like me and is reel cliver too. Now see fing is am a King of princeepals and ah wood like to let ewes all into a seecret. Ah fink that there will be a Royal Wedding nexx year - thats all am sayin. Ah fink the 29th of April will bee a good day fur it. :-) Now pleese dont tell ma Mollee, cos she diznae ken aboot it. If any of ewes can get the day off work fur the Royal Wedding pleese let me ken.
Ah hopes ah gets to see ma Rag soon so that ah can wiss her a happee birffday in person. :-) xxxxxxx
Ah loves ewe Princess Rag, love frum King Presley ewer Feeonsee xxxx