Hullo everyboddees, well its troo, az am a 100% nut job and its pure bin verified bye the sikyatrist. How cool iz that? But the good fing iz, its not jizt mee, its ma Mum and Dad too, fur theys have made mee bee like thiz - its offisheeal ah am a pure celebritty nut job in ma ane prizon cell. Ah had a pure dead brilliant dae yisterday at the sikyatrist, there wiz lots of rite nice fings fur mee tae play wiff. Az got a big ball fing tae play wiff, makes a change frum the two burst balls az usually plays wiff! Anyways, it wiz fool of treets and all ah had tae dae tae get a treet wiz roll the ball. Man that sikyatrist must see sum reel nut jobs if that wiz a test, coz ah got it first times and stuffed ma face fool off treets. Az am also getting noo food tae eet, tae see if that will help mee bee a rtie nice dug, so its oot wiff that rotten stuff that tastes like deed fish, the salmon and rice, and in wiff the duck and rice. Well ah fink they said duck and rice, maybee they says f.... the rice. But anyways, its pure cool and mee and mollee reelee likes it.
Noo fur ma udder noos. Captin wur canaree haz got himsell a burd. Ah swears tae masell that iz the troof. Ah finks shee iz goin tae bee called Tineel. That meens wee wid have Captin and Tineel. Captin iz pure singing tae Tineel all the times, an hee iz singing, 'Do that to me wan mare time'. Honest he iz, coz ah kens that song, and ah have tot him tae sing it. Ma best song at the moment iz 'If I had wurds', coz ah herd that on the film 'Babe'
Ah wid also like to send all ma love to ma Antee Noras.
lots of love fae big Presley xxxx
Thursday, 8 January 2009
Tuesday, 6 January 2009
Its pure Sssssnowin hear!
Deer everybuddees, az cannee beeleeve it, its pure sssnowin hear in Lan Ark. Noo normalees ah loves the ssssnow, but fing iz ah have tae go tae see the sikyatrist tomorrow mornings and wees cood be ssssnowed in. Noo az am rite lookin forward tae meetins thiz man who iz goin tae cure mee of all ma mentill problems. Noo ah herd ma Mum sayin that ah wiz tae get a frontal la bottomee. Ah finks the wurd 'la bottommee' is frensh fur a***se, or fur posh peepells, bottom! Noo how can ah get a front bottom, am a boy dug for cryin oot loud, and its only girl dugs that have a front bottom and a back bottom!!. Ah hopes theys are no tryin tae get mee tae bee wan of they transeggsuals and take ma boy bits away and replace them wiff girl bits. If theys dae that, ah will pure report thems tae sumone.
See ah fink ah kens wit the problem iz. See fing iz thiz, the udder day, ma Mum fot shee wid have a glass of wine, it wiz called First Cape - ah fink Superman makes it - well ma Dad finks hees Superman when hee drinks it!!!. See hee diz hiz impershunashon of Superman climbing up the walls, but ma Dad diz the same fing on the floor!! Anyways, wit happined wiz thiz and ah swear tae masell thiz iz the troof. It says on the back of the bottle, cellarage, that iz where peepells keeps celleree fur the soop. Noo ma Mum didnae have hur glasses on, coz she had the glasses on the table. Noo the labell red: Drink wiffin 12 monffs. But ma Mum fot it says: Drink wiffin 12 minuts!! An shee finks ah am in need of wan of the Frensh fings a Frontal Labottomee.
Ewes have no ideer wit mee and Mollee have tae pit up wiff and ah fink the sikyatrist will realise tomorrow that their iz noffin wrang wiff mee, but maybees shee can help ma Mum.
Az will let ewe kens how ah get on and if the men in white coats come and take ma Mum away.
Love fae Big Presley the King xxxxxxxxxxx
See ah fink ah kens wit the problem iz. See fing iz thiz, the udder day, ma Mum fot shee wid have a glass of wine, it wiz called First Cape - ah fink Superman makes it - well ma Dad finks hees Superman when hee drinks it!!!. See hee diz hiz impershunashon of Superman climbing up the walls, but ma Dad diz the same fing on the floor!! Anyways, wit happined wiz thiz and ah swear tae masell thiz iz the troof. It says on the back of the bottle, cellarage, that iz where peepells keeps celleree fur the soop. Noo ma Mum didnae have hur glasses on, coz she had the glasses on the table. Noo the labell red: Drink wiffin 12 monffs. But ma Mum fot it says: Drink wiffin 12 minuts!! An shee finks ah am in need of wan of the Frensh fings a Frontal Labottomee.
Ewes have no ideer wit mee and Mollee have tae pit up wiff and ah fink the sikyatrist will realise tomorrow that their iz noffin wrang wiff mee, but maybees shee can help ma Mum.
Az will let ewe kens how ah get on and if the men in white coats come and take ma Mum away.
Love fae Big Presley the King xxxxxxxxxxx
Sunday, 4 January 2009
Hapee Noo Yeers!
Hullo everyboddee, its mee big Presley and az oot of the cooler and am back fur the noo yeers!
Wee's had tae cansell wur noo yeers coz ma best buddee Olly went tae join Denzil at the Bridge.
But noo az am back and fings are back tae normals.
Mind ah telt ewe wees had a noo gold on-sweet in wur livin room and ah pure lifted ma leg and did wit a king haz tae do, well ah canee rememburs if ah telt ewes it pure lit up like a kissmass tree, but it did thats the troof. Well ah should say it did!! See fing iz, az am gettin the blame fur blown the bloomin fing up, all coz the lites went oot on Boxin day and wees have had tae send it back.
Noo ma big bruver Wizzee Wonga iz feelin himsell again, so thats cool and so iz ma big sistur Roobee, the udders have always felt themsells!! Yuck!! Sumfin horrid happined tae mee the udder day but az didnae tell anyones, but az will tells ewes if ewes promiss no tae tell anybuddees. See fing iz, ah dont ken how ah managed tae do thiz, but ah have cut ma tale! Its troo ah did. Noo under normal circumsizes there wid bee a lot of blood frum a cut tale, but ah have cut ma tale rite up neer ma back bottom and thats how naebuddee kens its there. Ah didnae want the vet docktur tae look at ma back bottom, so ah jizt preetends az am cleenin oot ma bits.
Noo fing iz, az hopes ewe all got wit ewes wanted frum Santa Paws, coz ah have sacked him, coz hee only geed mee wan fing frum ma list and that wiz a noo collar. Its pritty cool, its Royal Bloo, fit fur a King like mee. Mollee looks cool in hurs, coz its silver wiff black and it pure matches hur eyes. Wees wur goin tae bye ma Mum a noo collar fur hur kissmass, wan tae match hur eyes, but wee couldnae find a yellow wan!!
In 20000009 az am goin tae see a sikyatrist, coz ah have a sindrome. No bipolar, coz that iz wit homosextual white bears gets. Az have attenshon seekin sindrome, bipresley. Noo ah dont mind if az am cured of ma sindrome, az long az ah still gets lots of attenshon.
So ah will let ewes ken how ma treetment goes. How cool iz that havin a sindrome.
Rite am away tae wiss ma nayburs dugs a happeee noo yeers.
Love fae Presley the King xxxxxxxxx
Wee's had tae cansell wur noo yeers coz ma best buddee Olly went tae join Denzil at the Bridge.
But noo az am back and fings are back tae normals.
Mind ah telt ewe wees had a noo gold on-sweet in wur livin room and ah pure lifted ma leg and did wit a king haz tae do, well ah canee rememburs if ah telt ewes it pure lit up like a kissmass tree, but it did thats the troof. Well ah should say it did!! See fing iz, az am gettin the blame fur blown the bloomin fing up, all coz the lites went oot on Boxin day and wees have had tae send it back.
Noo ma big bruver Wizzee Wonga iz feelin himsell again, so thats cool and so iz ma big sistur Roobee, the udders have always felt themsells!! Yuck!! Sumfin horrid happined tae mee the udder day but az didnae tell anyones, but az will tells ewes if ewes promiss no tae tell anybuddees. See fing iz, ah dont ken how ah managed tae do thiz, but ah have cut ma tale! Its troo ah did. Noo under normal circumsizes there wid bee a lot of blood frum a cut tale, but ah have cut ma tale rite up neer ma back bottom and thats how naebuddee kens its there. Ah didnae want the vet docktur tae look at ma back bottom, so ah jizt preetends az am cleenin oot ma bits.
Noo fing iz, az hopes ewe all got wit ewes wanted frum Santa Paws, coz ah have sacked him, coz hee only geed mee wan fing frum ma list and that wiz a noo collar. Its pritty cool, its Royal Bloo, fit fur a King like mee. Mollee looks cool in hurs, coz its silver wiff black and it pure matches hur eyes. Wees wur goin tae bye ma Mum a noo collar fur hur kissmass, wan tae match hur eyes, but wee couldnae find a yellow wan!!
In 20000009 az am goin tae see a sikyatrist, coz ah have a sindrome. No bipolar, coz that iz wit homosextual white bears gets. Az have attenshon seekin sindrome, bipresley. Noo ah dont mind if az am cured of ma sindrome, az long az ah still gets lots of attenshon.
So ah will let ewes ken how ma treetment goes. How cool iz that havin a sindrome.
Rite am away tae wiss ma nayburs dugs a happeee noo yeers.
Love fae Presley the King xxxxxxxxx
Thursday, 1 January 2009
Sad Day!
Hullo all ewes oot there, its mee back again, big Presley
Wees hoped that thiz wid bee a reelee good yeer for uz and for ewes, but sadly wur yeer didnae get aff tae a good stert. Fing iz thiz, ma big pal Olly died todays. It wiz very sudden, hee jist died.
Noo fing iz thiz. Olly came to live wiff uz at the Open Prizon in Lan Ark about 14 monffs ago. Man hee wiz soooooo cool, and hee looked jist like Denzil Wenzil - the rite famoss cat - but ma Mum wiz a bit scared aboot that. Anyway, Olly wiz called Olly, coz that wiz hiz name. But fing iz when he came tae live wiff uz, hee had bin pure chucked oot of hiz last hoose coz the plonker that owned him got himself the 'shee devil' tae live wiff him and shee didnae like cats. So she telt the bloke, its ivor mee or the cat. The plonker chose the shee devil and pure pit Olly up fur adoptshon. Hee wiz 9 yeers old and had lived az a hoose cat all hiz life, so in udder wurds hee couldnae look efter himsell ootside. Ma Mum felt rite sorree for him and geed him a home. Hee wiz rite cool and big Mac the black man, pure liked him and hee liked Mac. Coz see fing iz, Mac wiz still missin Denzil Wenzil and Mac needed a cat pal, so in came Olly. Olly wiz a boy, but the plonker that hee used tae live wiff fot hee wiz a girl and called him Holly. Ma Mum isnae intae sex changes - eye az ken ewes cannee beelevee that lookin at hur, but anyways, shee said that isnae rite and wee will drop the 'H' and call him Olly!! Olly wiz pure the bizziness and when Charlee (a wumin cat) and Zorro (who used tae bee called Zara), came tae live wiff uz, they pure moved in wiff Olly. Noo Charlee (a sex change wumin cat), seen Olly, shee pure fell in love. Az cannee say the same aboot Zorro (the udder sex change cat), hee didnae like him at all and theys wur always geein eetch other a doin. Az hopes ewes have kept up wiff all the sex change names in thiz hoose - az finks az am the only wan wiff a reel name, an ah fink Mollee reelee iz a Molleee!!! Anyways, ah used tae have tae go an visit Olly and Zorro and ah wid say 2nd's away, round free!! So theys could stert boxin again. It wiz rite funnee. But fing iz thiz Olly....az fot ewe wur a rite pure gentleman, and ewe were rite loved and will bee rite missed.
Az kens that Denzil Wenzil will bee waitin fur ewe at the Bridge. Sleep tite ma wee buddee, wee loves ewe loads. xxxxx
Az am away noo, a very sad big Presley the King xxx
Wees hoped that thiz wid bee a reelee good yeer for uz and for ewes, but sadly wur yeer didnae get aff tae a good stert. Fing iz thiz, ma big pal Olly died todays. It wiz very sudden, hee jist died.
Noo fing iz thiz. Olly came to live wiff uz at the Open Prizon in Lan Ark about 14 monffs ago. Man hee wiz soooooo cool, and hee looked jist like Denzil Wenzil - the rite famoss cat - but ma Mum wiz a bit scared aboot that. Anyway, Olly wiz called Olly, coz that wiz hiz name. But fing iz when he came tae live wiff uz, hee had bin pure chucked oot of hiz last hoose coz the plonker that owned him got himself the 'shee devil' tae live wiff him and shee didnae like cats. So she telt the bloke, its ivor mee or the cat. The plonker chose the shee devil and pure pit Olly up fur adoptshon. Hee wiz 9 yeers old and had lived az a hoose cat all hiz life, so in udder wurds hee couldnae look efter himsell ootside. Ma Mum felt rite sorree for him and geed him a home. Hee wiz rite cool and big Mac the black man, pure liked him and hee liked Mac. Coz see fing iz, Mac wiz still missin Denzil Wenzil and Mac needed a cat pal, so in came Olly. Olly wiz a boy, but the plonker that hee used tae live wiff fot hee wiz a girl and called him Holly. Ma Mum isnae intae sex changes - eye az ken ewes cannee beelevee that lookin at hur, but anyways, shee said that isnae rite and wee will drop the 'H' and call him Olly!! Olly wiz pure the bizziness and when Charlee (a wumin cat) and Zorro (who used tae bee called Zara), came tae live wiff uz, they pure moved in wiff Olly. Noo Charlee (a sex change wumin cat), seen Olly, shee pure fell in love. Az cannee say the same aboot Zorro (the udder sex change cat), hee didnae like him at all and theys wur always geein eetch other a doin. Az hopes ewes have kept up wiff all the sex change names in thiz hoose - az finks az am the only wan wiff a reel name, an ah fink Mollee reelee iz a Molleee!!! Anyways, ah used tae have tae go an visit Olly and Zorro and ah wid say 2nd's away, round free!! So theys could stert boxin again. It wiz rite funnee. But fing iz thiz Olly....az fot ewe wur a rite pure gentleman, and ewe were rite loved and will bee rite missed.
Az kens that Denzil Wenzil will bee waitin fur ewe at the Bridge. Sleep tite ma wee buddee, wee loves ewe loads. xxxxx
Az am away noo, a very sad big Presley the King xxx
Wednesday, 31 December 2008
Rev I AM Molly
Deer Subjects, its no Presley its mee, the Rev I AM Molly, udder wise kent as Molly Mouse Hunter.
Mee and Presley haz bin lookin back over 2000008 and finkin aboot everyfin that haz happined tae us hear at the open prizon in Lan Ark, and fings that haz happined tae wur brovers and sisssters and tae wur mum and dad. Two fousand and ate, haz bin a rite funnee yeer fur uz all.
The furst half of the yeer wiz reelee good, coz mee and Presley and big black Mac, wur on the tellys and wees wur rite faemoss, noo that wiz cool. Ma mum wiz reelee bizzee at work, witch wiz good fur hur, but no so good fur the peepells who ma mum wiz helpin. Then in the summer times wee had a dug called Keeera stayin wiff uz and Presley pure fanceed hur, so ah went aff ma nut at him and geed him a rite tankin fur tryin tae play leep frog wiff hur. Then ma bootifool big sisster Roobee took no well and she had hur leg ampootated. So tae make hur feel better, Presley fot it wid bee a good idear fur mee and him tae tie wur legs togeffer and have a free legged race wiff Roobee. Az spent pure ages tryin tae tell him that if wees tied wur legs togeffer it wid be a 7 legged race, but he pure didnae undertand ma feeree coz hee iz fick. Presley got tae meet hiz long lost brover Aaron. Noo that wiz pure cool, az finks theys are twins and no brovers, coz they looked the sames. Pure glakit wiff long legs and they stoopid eers!! But Arron wiz rite cool and hee haz turned oot tae bee a furrelee nice dug and wees hope he will always bee happee in hiz home. Ma mum pure cried at seenin Aaron efter all these yeers, well free yeers anyways, and still cannee get over the fact that the rescoo place found a home fur him and shee agreed tae give him up. That wiz a rite bad mistake. See fing iz, Aaron is treeted like a dug and wees are treated like a King and Queen. No...ah meen, am the Queen no Presley!.
Then a foo days ago ma Mum wiz cryin again, coz wee fot old Wizzee Wong wiznae goin tae make it tae the noo yeers. Poor old Wizzee Wong took reel ill and wees had tae call in the vet fur him. The Vet took oot a rite big neeedell and ma Mum fot it wiz with end fur Wizzee. But then Wizzee pure tried tae bite the vet and telt the vet tae get hiz neeedell tae ......!!!! Well best no say where hee telt the vet tae stick hiz neeedell. Mee and Presley pure laffed fur ages at the look on the vets face. So old wizzee wong haz lived an udder day, tae sleep fur an udder day, and weee hope that hee will bee around fur a long time and tell uz more storees about hiz time in the wars.
Mee and Presley had a rite nice Kissma ass time, and wee both got noo collars. Presleys collar is Royal Blue, coz hee iz like a King, and az got a silver wan wiff love harts, coz az am the Queen.
Mee and Presley have had wur ups and wur downs, but eenuff aboot Presley playin leep frog wiff mee. Wee fink wiff Roobee no bin well and Wizzee Wong no bean well its no bin a very good yeer fur uz. But ma Mum iz bookin Presley in tae see a Sikyatrist, tae see if they can dae anyfin aboot hiz moufin. Ah stopped dane that when ah wiz a puppeee, but Presley still does it and its pure sore if hee acksidentally bites ewe.
Old Zorro iz still goin strong, but wees fot wees wid leeve hiz boddee tae the vet dockurs fur scientific reserch and baffell them forever.
Presley iz in the cooler fur well....jist bean Presley......thats so funnee!! So hee couldnae come and rite tae ewes all.
But wees hope that ewes will have a rite good noo yeer and Presley will bee back next yeers if hee can be a good boy fur once. Happee noo yeers tae ewe all and az hope ewes have a better times than uz, coz wees will bee in wur beds by then.
Lots and lots of love tae all ma subjects, love Queeen Mollee and Elvis Presley the King xxxxx
Mee and Presley haz bin lookin back over 2000008 and finkin aboot everyfin that haz happined tae us hear at the open prizon in Lan Ark, and fings that haz happined tae wur brovers and sisssters and tae wur mum and dad. Two fousand and ate, haz bin a rite funnee yeer fur uz all.
The furst half of the yeer wiz reelee good, coz mee and Presley and big black Mac, wur on the tellys and wees wur rite faemoss, noo that wiz cool. Ma mum wiz reelee bizzee at work, witch wiz good fur hur, but no so good fur the peepells who ma mum wiz helpin. Then in the summer times wee had a dug called Keeera stayin wiff uz and Presley pure fanceed hur, so ah went aff ma nut at him and geed him a rite tankin fur tryin tae play leep frog wiff hur. Then ma bootifool big sisster Roobee took no well and she had hur leg ampootated. So tae make hur feel better, Presley fot it wid bee a good idear fur mee and him tae tie wur legs togeffer and have a free legged race wiff Roobee. Az spent pure ages tryin tae tell him that if wees tied wur legs togeffer it wid be a 7 legged race, but he pure didnae undertand ma feeree coz hee iz fick. Presley got tae meet hiz long lost brover Aaron. Noo that wiz pure cool, az finks theys are twins and no brovers, coz they looked the sames. Pure glakit wiff long legs and they stoopid eers!! But Arron wiz rite cool and hee haz turned oot tae bee a furrelee nice dug and wees hope he will always bee happee in hiz home. Ma mum pure cried at seenin Aaron efter all these yeers, well free yeers anyways, and still cannee get over the fact that the rescoo place found a home fur him and shee agreed tae give him up. That wiz a rite bad mistake. See fing iz, Aaron is treeted like a dug and wees are treated like a King and Queen. No...ah meen, am the Queen no Presley!.
Then a foo days ago ma Mum wiz cryin again, coz wee fot old Wizzee Wong wiznae goin tae make it tae the noo yeers. Poor old Wizzee Wong took reel ill and wees had tae call in the vet fur him. The Vet took oot a rite big neeedell and ma Mum fot it wiz with end fur Wizzee. But then Wizzee pure tried tae bite the vet and telt the vet tae get hiz neeedell tae ......!!!! Well best no say where hee telt the vet tae stick hiz neeedell. Mee and Presley pure laffed fur ages at the look on the vets face. So old wizzee wong haz lived an udder day, tae sleep fur an udder day, and weee hope that hee will bee around fur a long time and tell uz more storees about hiz time in the wars.
Mee and Presley had a rite nice Kissma ass time, and wee both got noo collars. Presleys collar is Royal Blue, coz hee iz like a King, and az got a silver wan wiff love harts, coz az am the Queen.
Mee and Presley have had wur ups and wur downs, but eenuff aboot Presley playin leep frog wiff mee. Wee fink wiff Roobee no bin well and Wizzee Wong no bean well its no bin a very good yeer fur uz. But ma Mum iz bookin Presley in tae see a Sikyatrist, tae see if they can dae anyfin aboot hiz moufin. Ah stopped dane that when ah wiz a puppeee, but Presley still does it and its pure sore if hee acksidentally bites ewe.
Old Zorro iz still goin strong, but wees fot wees wid leeve hiz boddee tae the vet dockurs fur scientific reserch and baffell them forever.
Presley iz in the cooler fur well....jist bean Presley......thats so funnee!! So hee couldnae come and rite tae ewes all.
But wees hope that ewes will have a rite good noo yeer and Presley will bee back next yeers if hee can be a good boy fur once. Happee noo yeers tae ewe all and az hope ewes have a better times than uz, coz wees will bee in wur beds by then.
Lots and lots of love tae all ma subjects, love Queeen Mollee and Elvis Presley the King xxxxx
Wednesday, 24 December 2008
Deer Santa Paws
Deer Santa Paws
Hullo, its mee hear big Presley, an az am wantin tae tell ewe wit ah wid like fur ma Kissmass. Az have fot aboot this fur ages and ah wid like all the fings on ma list, but if ewe can only manage wan, ah guess ah will have tae sack ewe.
Numbur. Wan.
Can ewe pleese ask Mollee tae stop killin wur Mr Jingles and try and catch wan that wees can keep fur a pet. She haz pure kilt aboot 956,003 mice....oops no make that 956,004 - thats an udder won kilt.
Numbur. Too.
Can ewe arrange fur mee tae marree Rag (but dont tell Mollee) That wid be rite bigamee an cool, fur tae have too babe wifes.
Turd Fing.
Can ewe arrange fur mee tae work wiff the Poliss az ah Poliss Dug. Noo see fing iz, mee and Mollee wiz watchin the tellys the udder nite and ah pure seen a Poliss dug in ackshon. Wit happined wiz thiz. A man wiz pure runnin away frum the Poliss and the Poliss Man let the Poliss Dug aff the leed tae chase the man. Noo ah fot that wiz rite cool, but then efter aboot 2 hoors the Poliss Dug like pure cot the man hee wiz chasin and then hee played tug of war wiff his jacket. Mollee fot the Poliss Dug wiz rite cool dane that and ah fink shee pure fanceed him. Noo ah fink ah wid bee reelee good at this and make a rite cool Poliss Dug. Coz ah can run rite fast, and ah loves playin tug of wars. Mind ewe, ah prefers playin tug of war wiff the skin on hoomans hands and arms rather than wiff the jackets theys iz wearin. The reeson fur thiz iz that, the hoomans makes rite funnee faces when ah plays thiz game and ma Mollee pure laffs at the faces the hoomans make. Sumtines the hoomans even adds in sound effects if az plays tug of wars wiff udder parts of there bodees, an thats reel cool. So ah wid like it fur ewe tae arrange fur mee tae bee a Poliss Dug and then ah will be able tae get oot of ma prizon cell fur the day and go and play Poliss games all days.
Can ewes picktoor mee as a reel Frank Drebbin fae naked gun? How cool wid that bee. Ah fink az wid even get awards fur ma work and that beets bean a seecoority dug here at the open prizon.
Numbur Fore
Ah dont have a numbur fore
Numbur five
Can ewe pleese gee mee a noo collar. Ah wid like a Gold wan or a Silver wan, but no wan wiff flour's on it.
Rite thats it, fank ewe very mutch.
Love fae Big Presley the next Poliss Dug! xxxx
Hullo, its mee hear big Presley, an az am wantin tae tell ewe wit ah wid like fur ma Kissmass. Az have fot aboot this fur ages and ah wid like all the fings on ma list, but if ewe can only manage wan, ah guess ah will have tae sack ewe.
Numbur. Wan.
Can ewe pleese ask Mollee tae stop killin wur Mr Jingles and try and catch wan that wees can keep fur a pet. She haz pure kilt aboot 956,003 mice....oops no make that 956,004 - thats an udder won kilt.
Numbur. Too.
Can ewe arrange fur mee tae marree Rag (but dont tell Mollee) That wid be rite bigamee an cool, fur tae have too babe wifes.
Turd Fing.
Can ewe arrange fur mee tae work wiff the Poliss az ah Poliss Dug. Noo see fing iz, mee and Mollee wiz watchin the tellys the udder nite and ah pure seen a Poliss dug in ackshon. Wit happined wiz thiz. A man wiz pure runnin away frum the Poliss and the Poliss Man let the Poliss Dug aff the leed tae chase the man. Noo ah fot that wiz rite cool, but then efter aboot 2 hoors the Poliss Dug like pure cot the man hee wiz chasin and then hee played tug of war wiff his jacket. Mollee fot the Poliss Dug wiz rite cool dane that and ah fink shee pure fanceed him. Noo ah fink ah wid bee reelee good at this and make a rite cool Poliss Dug. Coz ah can run rite fast, and ah loves playin tug of wars. Mind ewe, ah prefers playin tug of war wiff the skin on hoomans hands and arms rather than wiff the jackets theys iz wearin. The reeson fur thiz iz that, the hoomans makes rite funnee faces when ah plays thiz game and ma Mollee pure laffs at the faces the hoomans make. Sumtines the hoomans even adds in sound effects if az plays tug of wars wiff udder parts of there bodees, an thats reel cool. So ah wid like it fur ewe tae arrange fur mee tae bee a Poliss Dug and then ah will be able tae get oot of ma prizon cell fur the day and go and play Poliss games all days.
Can ewes picktoor mee as a reel Frank Drebbin fae naked gun? How cool wid that bee. Ah fink az wid even get awards fur ma work and that beets bean a seecoority dug here at the open prizon.
Numbur Fore
Ah dont have a numbur fore
Numbur five
Can ewe pleese gee mee a noo collar. Ah wid like a Gold wan or a Silver wan, but no wan wiff flour's on it.
Rite thats it, fank ewe very mutch.
Love fae Big Presley the next Poliss Dug! xxxx
Saturday, 20 December 2008
Postee Postee, dont be slow bee like Elvis go man go
Hullo its mee, az hopes ewes are all az pure egg sited az me, coz Santa Paws will bee hear soon.
Noo az have an udder troo storee fur ewes and ewes will no beeleeve mee when ah tells ewe, but mee and Mollee have bin pure laffin all days aboot thiz.
See, wit happined wiz thiz, aboot a yeer ago wur old postee retired coz ah fink hee wiz aboot 129 yeers old or sumfin. Noo ever since hee went tae sit at hame all days watchin the tellys, wees have hud every postee in the hole of the world deliverin wur male. Sum days wees wid get wur male and udder days wee widnae. Sum days it wid be delivered at 11am's and udder days it wiznae hear until 3pm's. Wees have bin gettin all wur nayburs males and theys have bin gettin all hours. Then credit card bills wid go missin and ma Mum wiz like pure charged fur no payin the bill.
Ma Mum did fone the postee place and telt thems the problem, but they wiznae bovered. Eventuallees ma Mum pure foned the heed of the royal male, noo am no sure who that iz, but az finks the heed of the royal male must be the queen, coz hur face iz on the stamps. Noo they did pure take ma Mums complaint rite seereus and they said they wid dae sumfin aboot it.
Well thiz mornins wur male arrived at 10 am's and ma Mum wiz rite egg sited.
Then wees looked tae make soor it wiz all hour male and thiz wiz the funnee bit. Wees had letturs addressed tae Mr & Mrs Preslee, Lanark Open Prison and In-Mates, King Presley and Miss Mollee Mouse Hunter, The Murville Famelee, King Presley the Fillosifer, King Presley the Babe Magnet and King Presley the Pedigree Lurcher. Well az pure laffed fur ages, az fot that wiz so funnee. Noo can ewes imagine wit wur postee finks reedin aboot who all stays in thiz hoose.
The postee must have fot to himsell, wit iz that wummin on, pure complainin aboot hur male when there must bee aboot 12 fousand peepells includin a King living in that hoose.
Mee and Mollee pure laffed fur ages, wees reelee liked that.
So az jizt wantid tae say a big fank ewe tae everybuddees that sent uz males fur wur Kissmass and ah wid like tae make a speshall menshon tae ma Feeonsee, Rag ma Crufts Beauty Queen who sent mee the most lovelee est picktoor ah haz ever seen. Az have pit it on ma cell wall next tae ma bed and az will dreem of hur every nites. But pleese dont tell ma Mollee udder wise ah will get an udder tankin.
Love and Peese tae all frum Presley the King xxxx
Noo az have an udder troo storee fur ewes and ewes will no beeleeve mee when ah tells ewe, but mee and Mollee have bin pure laffin all days aboot thiz.
See, wit happined wiz thiz, aboot a yeer ago wur old postee retired coz ah fink hee wiz aboot 129 yeers old or sumfin. Noo ever since hee went tae sit at hame all days watchin the tellys, wees have hud every postee in the hole of the world deliverin wur male. Sum days wees wid get wur male and udder days wee widnae. Sum days it wid be delivered at 11am's and udder days it wiznae hear until 3pm's. Wees have bin gettin all wur nayburs males and theys have bin gettin all hours. Then credit card bills wid go missin and ma Mum wiz like pure charged fur no payin the bill.
Ma Mum did fone the postee place and telt thems the problem, but they wiznae bovered. Eventuallees ma Mum pure foned the heed of the royal male, noo am no sure who that iz, but az finks the heed of the royal male must be the queen, coz hur face iz on the stamps. Noo they did pure take ma Mums complaint rite seereus and they said they wid dae sumfin aboot it.
Well thiz mornins wur male arrived at 10 am's and ma Mum wiz rite egg sited.
Then wees looked tae make soor it wiz all hour male and thiz wiz the funnee bit. Wees had letturs addressed tae Mr & Mrs Preslee, Lanark Open Prison and In-Mates, King Presley and Miss Mollee Mouse Hunter, The Murville Famelee, King Presley the Fillosifer, King Presley the Babe Magnet and King Presley the Pedigree Lurcher. Well az pure laffed fur ages, az fot that wiz so funnee. Noo can ewes imagine wit wur postee finks reedin aboot who all stays in thiz hoose.
The postee must have fot to himsell, wit iz that wummin on, pure complainin aboot hur male when there must bee aboot 12 fousand peepells includin a King living in that hoose.
Mee and Mollee pure laffed fur ages, wees reelee liked that.
So az jizt wantid tae say a big fank ewe tae everybuddees that sent uz males fur wur Kissmass and ah wid like tae make a speshall menshon tae ma Feeonsee, Rag ma Crufts Beauty Queen who sent mee the most lovelee est picktoor ah haz ever seen. Az have pit it on ma cell wall next tae ma bed and az will dreem of hur every nites. But pleese dont tell ma Mollee udder wise ah will get an udder tankin.
Love and Peese tae all frum Presley the King xxxx
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