Saturday, 11 October 2008

Wit a smashin weak wiff Bobbit

Well hullo all ewes oot there and fanks fur the nice eemales ewe send mees, az am rite glad ewes like ma blog.
Noo fing iz thiz wees haz had a smashin weak and so haz ma Dad. Noo ewe kens mee and am no wan tae laff at udder peepells missfortunes, but see sumtimes az canny help masell. On Mondays mornings my Dad went away tae hiz work. He always goes pure dead earlee in the mornings, when everybuddees iz still sleepin. He wiz neerly at Edinburger when hee decided he wid see jist how well built hiz Skoda wiz and hee fot the best wae tae find thiz oot wid bee tae like play rollee pollee across a feeld in it. So off he goes wiff the greatest off ease, flyin frew the air like he wiz on a trapeese. Hee pure rolled the car fur hunners of miles intae the forrest, geein all the aneemals that lives there a rite frite. Az swears tae masell that iz the troof. How cool wiz that? Noo he pure found out that the Skoda iz built like an army tank and apart fae the fact it wiz lyin on its side, ewes widnae ken it had jist been rolled fur hunners of miles.
So wees iz noo gettin a noo car, thats cool!
Noo if all that wiznae enuff fur wan weak, hee pure went and done the unfinkabill. Noo diz any of ewes ken wit hee did? Az will gee ewe a hint. Hee got sumfin cut off. It wiz a foo inches long and pure hung fae hiz bodee and hee haz had it all his life. Noo wate wan minnut. Ewes are no finkin rite! Wit hee did wiz get hiz poneetale cut off, az swears tae masell he pure did. Noo wit wiz all that aboot, coz noo az have noffin tae swing frum when hees iz tryin tae sit an watch telleys in piece. Az wiz rite sad tae see hee didnae have it anymores, but ma Mum pure finks hee looks rite cool wiffoot it.
Noo fur the best fing that haz ever happined tae mee in ma hole life. Az am so happee az iz neerlee cryin like ma Mollee. Az am pure goin tae meet up wiff ma bruver Aaron after all these yeers. Sum of ewes will ken that mee and Aaron were pure sepurated when wees wur puppees an az diznae ken wit became of ma bruver and ma best pal, but noo az am tae meet him again. Mee and Mollee are like pure finkin of a plan tae pure kidnapp Aaron and bring him tae live here wiff us in wur prizon cell. Az pure loves ma bruver and az will dae anyfin tae have him hear wiff me and the Mollee.
Noo for sum reelee sad noos. Ewes will all ken that az had an old pal called Mr Toby McKay, well az am sorree tae say that ma best pal died on Friday. He wiz a pure brilliant dug, loved by everyone and a reel gentleman and az will miss him very much.
Tae ma big pal Toby McKay, ewe wur one in a million, az will miss ewe always.
Sleep tight big fella.
Love fae Presley the King and Mollee Wallee. xxxx

Tuesday, 7 October 2008

Cold Case

Hullo, az iz reelee sorree az haz no bean on here, but see fing iz az haz bin watchin two much telleys. Az haz a noo best programme that makes me and Mollee pure laff wur heeds aff. Its a murrdur programme, well its aboot unsolved murrdurs and theys call in a wumin called Dayle Hymen or sumfin. Ewes can see it on the Discovery channel.

Noo thiz wumin iz like a Cracker, a rite flamin cracker if ewes ask mee. See fing iz, if the poliss cannee solve a crime coz theys are fick, they calls in thiz wumin tae do like a profile of the killer. Noo, fing iz mee and mollee fot it wiz an Art programme when wees herd shee wiz dane profiles, but its no like that. She pure arrives at a murrdur sceene and tells the poliss who theys are lookin fur. Cool eh? Well thats the pure funnee bit and az swears tae masell, thiz iz how shee pure profiles a killur.

Rite wit happins is thiz. The poliss finds bones oot in a forest. Well its usually a dug that finds the bones, but the poliss seems tae forget that bit. Az kens it wiz a dug that found the bones, coz the poliss say theys are lookin fur a lead. Theys canny find the lead so theys call in Dayle Hymen. Az finks theys would have bin better callin in the dog wissperur fur tae find a lead.

Rite so thiz iz wit the Poliss diz ken. Its a body of a wumin, found in the woods, and the wumin iznae wearin clothes. The poliss haz also found nasty DNA stuff on the wumins body, coz the killur haz played leep frog wiff hur befour he kilt hur. And fing iz, the wumin had no heed!
Dayle Hymen then pure looks around the woods and then shee says, the killur disnae want ewes tae ken who they iz, but az finks its definately a man. Shee also says that she finks the wumin died from a severe blow tae the heed!! Man how cool iz thiz wumins observation skills??
Mee and Mollee are pure rite laffin by noo. Wees is no laffin at the deed wumin, wees iz laffin at the Dayle wumin. How fick must american poliss bee if they canny work all that oot fur themselves. Noo fing iz the Poliss still canny find the killer, but then the killurs next intended victum managees to pure escape and she tells the poliss where tae find the killer. Murrdur solved. Cool eh? Then the Dayle wumin says there we are, like a said a man who didnae want tae be cot, and there wees are, az have solved an udder crime.
Noo shee didnae solve the murdurrm, even me and Mollees pure worked that wan oot fur wursells and wees could have telt the poliss the same fings. This tellys programme iz so pure a hoot. Mee and Mollee pure laffs all the way frew it. Check it oot next times ewes is on the discovery channel. It should be called the discover nuffin noo programme.
Enjoy, bee happee and az loves ewe all.
Love fae big Presley the Lurcher. xx