Deer Subjects, its no Presley its mee, the Rev I AM Molly, udder wise kent as Molly Mouse Hunter.
Mee and Presley haz bin lookin back over 2000008 and finkin aboot everyfin that haz happined tae us hear at the open prizon in Lan Ark, and fings that haz happined tae wur brovers and sisssters and tae wur mum and dad. Two fousand and ate, haz bin a rite funnee yeer fur uz all.
The furst half of the yeer wiz reelee good, coz mee and Presley and big black Mac, wur on the tellys and wees wur rite faemoss, noo that wiz cool. Ma mum wiz reelee bizzee at work, witch wiz good fur hur, but no so good fur the peepells who ma mum wiz helpin. Then in the summer times wee had a dug called Keeera stayin wiff uz and Presley pure fanceed hur, so ah went aff ma nut at him and geed him a rite tankin fur tryin tae play leep frog wiff hur. Then ma bootifool big sisster Roobee took no well and she had hur leg ampootated. So tae make hur feel better, Presley fot it wid bee a good idear fur mee and him tae tie wur legs togeffer and have a free legged race wiff Roobee. Az spent pure ages tryin tae tell him that if wees tied wur legs togeffer it wid be a 7 legged race, but he pure didnae undertand ma feeree coz hee iz fick. Presley got tae meet hiz long lost brover Aaron. Noo that wiz pure cool, az finks theys are twins and no brovers, coz they looked the sames. Pure glakit wiff long legs and they stoopid eers!! But Arron wiz rite cool and hee haz turned oot tae bee a furrelee nice dug and wees hope he will always bee happee in hiz home. Ma mum pure cried at seenin Aaron efter all these yeers, well free yeers anyways, and still cannee get over the fact that the rescoo place found a home fur him and shee agreed tae give him up. That wiz a rite bad mistake. See fing iz, Aaron is treeted like a dug and wees are treated like a King and Queen. No...ah meen, am the Queen no Presley!.
Then a foo days ago ma Mum wiz cryin again, coz wee fot old Wizzee Wong wiznae goin tae make it tae the noo yeers. Poor old Wizzee Wong took reel ill and wees had tae call in the vet fur him. The Vet took oot a rite big neeedell and ma Mum fot it wiz with end fur Wizzee. But then Wizzee pure tried tae bite the vet and telt the vet tae get hiz neeedell tae ......!!!! Well best no say where hee telt the vet tae stick hiz neeedell. Mee and Presley pure laffed fur ages at the look on the vets face. So old wizzee wong haz lived an udder day, tae sleep fur an udder day, and weee hope that hee will bee around fur a long time and tell uz more storees about hiz time in the wars.
Mee and Presley had a rite nice Kissma ass time, and wee both got noo collars. Presleys collar is Royal Blue, coz hee iz like a King, and az got a silver wan wiff love harts, coz az am the Queen.
Mee and Presley have had wur ups and wur downs, but eenuff aboot Presley playin leep frog wiff mee. Wee fink wiff Roobee no bin well and Wizzee Wong no bean well its no bin a very good yeer fur uz. But ma Mum iz bookin Presley in tae see a Sikyatrist, tae see if they can dae anyfin aboot hiz moufin. Ah stopped dane that when ah wiz a puppeee, but Presley still does it and its pure sore if hee acksidentally bites ewe.
Old Zorro iz still goin strong, but wees fot wees wid leeve hiz boddee tae the vet dockurs fur scientific reserch and baffell them forever.
Presley iz in the cooler fur well....jist bean Presley......thats so funnee!! So hee couldnae come and rite tae ewes all.
But wees hope that ewes will have a rite good noo yeer and Presley will bee back next yeers if hee can be a good boy fur once. Happee noo yeers tae ewe all and az hope ewes have a better times than uz, coz wees will bee in wur beds by then.
Lots and lots of love tae all ma subjects, love Queeen Mollee and Elvis Presley the King xxxxx
Wednesday 31 December 2008
Wednesday 24 December 2008
Deer Santa Paws
Deer Santa Paws
Hullo, its mee hear big Presley, an az am wantin tae tell ewe wit ah wid like fur ma Kissmass. Az have fot aboot this fur ages and ah wid like all the fings on ma list, but if ewe can only manage wan, ah guess ah will have tae sack ewe.
Numbur. Wan.
Can ewe pleese ask Mollee tae stop killin wur Mr Jingles and try and catch wan that wees can keep fur a pet. She haz pure kilt aboot 956,003 mice....oops no make that 956,004 - thats an udder won kilt.
Numbur. Too.
Can ewe arrange fur mee tae marree Rag (but dont tell Mollee) That wid be rite bigamee an cool, fur tae have too babe wifes.
Turd Fing.
Can ewe arrange fur mee tae work wiff the Poliss az ah Poliss Dug. Noo see fing iz, mee and Mollee wiz watchin the tellys the udder nite and ah pure seen a Poliss dug in ackshon. Wit happined wiz thiz. A man wiz pure runnin away frum the Poliss and the Poliss Man let the Poliss Dug aff the leed tae chase the man. Noo ah fot that wiz rite cool, but then efter aboot 2 hoors the Poliss Dug like pure cot the man hee wiz chasin and then hee played tug of war wiff his jacket. Mollee fot the Poliss Dug wiz rite cool dane that and ah fink shee pure fanceed him. Noo ah fink ah wid bee reelee good at this and make a rite cool Poliss Dug. Coz ah can run rite fast, and ah loves playin tug of wars. Mind ewe, ah prefers playin tug of war wiff the skin on hoomans hands and arms rather than wiff the jackets theys iz wearin. The reeson fur thiz iz that, the hoomans makes rite funnee faces when ah plays thiz game and ma Mollee pure laffs at the faces the hoomans make. Sumtines the hoomans even adds in sound effects if az plays tug of wars wiff udder parts of there bodees, an thats reel cool. So ah wid like it fur ewe tae arrange fur mee tae bee a Poliss Dug and then ah will be able tae get oot of ma prizon cell fur the day and go and play Poliss games all days.
Can ewes picktoor mee as a reel Frank Drebbin fae naked gun? How cool wid that bee. Ah fink az wid even get awards fur ma work and that beets bean a seecoority dug here at the open prizon.
Numbur Fore
Ah dont have a numbur fore
Numbur five
Can ewe pleese gee mee a noo collar. Ah wid like a Gold wan or a Silver wan, but no wan wiff flour's on it.
Rite thats it, fank ewe very mutch.
Love fae Big Presley the next Poliss Dug! xxxx
Hullo, its mee hear big Presley, an az am wantin tae tell ewe wit ah wid like fur ma Kissmass. Az have fot aboot this fur ages and ah wid like all the fings on ma list, but if ewe can only manage wan, ah guess ah will have tae sack ewe.
Numbur. Wan.
Can ewe pleese ask Mollee tae stop killin wur Mr Jingles and try and catch wan that wees can keep fur a pet. She haz pure kilt aboot 956,003 mice....oops no make that 956,004 - thats an udder won kilt.
Numbur. Too.
Can ewe arrange fur mee tae marree Rag (but dont tell Mollee) That wid be rite bigamee an cool, fur tae have too babe wifes.
Turd Fing.
Can ewe arrange fur mee tae work wiff the Poliss az ah Poliss Dug. Noo see fing iz, mee and Mollee wiz watchin the tellys the udder nite and ah pure seen a Poliss dug in ackshon. Wit happined wiz thiz. A man wiz pure runnin away frum the Poliss and the Poliss Man let the Poliss Dug aff the leed tae chase the man. Noo ah fot that wiz rite cool, but then efter aboot 2 hoors the Poliss Dug like pure cot the man hee wiz chasin and then hee played tug of war wiff his jacket. Mollee fot the Poliss Dug wiz rite cool dane that and ah fink shee pure fanceed him. Noo ah fink ah wid bee reelee good at this and make a rite cool Poliss Dug. Coz ah can run rite fast, and ah loves playin tug of wars. Mind ewe, ah prefers playin tug of war wiff the skin on hoomans hands and arms rather than wiff the jackets theys iz wearin. The reeson fur thiz iz that, the hoomans makes rite funnee faces when ah plays thiz game and ma Mollee pure laffs at the faces the hoomans make. Sumtines the hoomans even adds in sound effects if az plays tug of wars wiff udder parts of there bodees, an thats reel cool. So ah wid like it fur ewe tae arrange fur mee tae bee a Poliss Dug and then ah will be able tae get oot of ma prizon cell fur the day and go and play Poliss games all days.
Can ewes picktoor mee as a reel Frank Drebbin fae naked gun? How cool wid that bee. Ah fink az wid even get awards fur ma work and that beets bean a seecoority dug here at the open prizon.
Numbur Fore
Ah dont have a numbur fore
Numbur five
Can ewe pleese gee mee a noo collar. Ah wid like a Gold wan or a Silver wan, but no wan wiff flour's on it.
Rite thats it, fank ewe very mutch.
Love fae Big Presley the next Poliss Dug! xxxx
Saturday 20 December 2008
Postee Postee, dont be slow bee like Elvis go man go
Hullo its mee, az hopes ewes are all az pure egg sited az me, coz Santa Paws will bee hear soon.
Noo az have an udder troo storee fur ewes and ewes will no beeleeve mee when ah tells ewe, but mee and Mollee have bin pure laffin all days aboot thiz.
See, wit happined wiz thiz, aboot a yeer ago wur old postee retired coz ah fink hee wiz aboot 129 yeers old or sumfin. Noo ever since hee went tae sit at hame all days watchin the tellys, wees have hud every postee in the hole of the world deliverin wur male. Sum days wees wid get wur male and udder days wee widnae. Sum days it wid be delivered at 11am's and udder days it wiznae hear until 3pm's. Wees have bin gettin all wur nayburs males and theys have bin gettin all hours. Then credit card bills wid go missin and ma Mum wiz like pure charged fur no payin the bill.
Ma Mum did fone the postee place and telt thems the problem, but they wiznae bovered. Eventuallees ma Mum pure foned the heed of the royal male, noo am no sure who that iz, but az finks the heed of the royal male must be the queen, coz hur face iz on the stamps. Noo they did pure take ma Mums complaint rite seereus and they said they wid dae sumfin aboot it.
Well thiz mornins wur male arrived at 10 am's and ma Mum wiz rite egg sited.
Then wees looked tae make soor it wiz all hour male and thiz wiz the funnee bit. Wees had letturs addressed tae Mr & Mrs Preslee, Lanark Open Prison and In-Mates, King Presley and Miss Mollee Mouse Hunter, The Murville Famelee, King Presley the Fillosifer, King Presley the Babe Magnet and King Presley the Pedigree Lurcher. Well az pure laffed fur ages, az fot that wiz so funnee. Noo can ewes imagine wit wur postee finks reedin aboot who all stays in thiz hoose.
The postee must have fot to himsell, wit iz that wummin on, pure complainin aboot hur male when there must bee aboot 12 fousand peepells includin a King living in that hoose.
Mee and Mollee pure laffed fur ages, wees reelee liked that.
So az jizt wantid tae say a big fank ewe tae everybuddees that sent uz males fur wur Kissmass and ah wid like tae make a speshall menshon tae ma Feeonsee, Rag ma Crufts Beauty Queen who sent mee the most lovelee est picktoor ah haz ever seen. Az have pit it on ma cell wall next tae ma bed and az will dreem of hur every nites. But pleese dont tell ma Mollee udder wise ah will get an udder tankin.
Love and Peese tae all frum Presley the King xxxx
Noo az have an udder troo storee fur ewes and ewes will no beeleeve mee when ah tells ewe, but mee and Mollee have bin pure laffin all days aboot thiz.
See, wit happined wiz thiz, aboot a yeer ago wur old postee retired coz ah fink hee wiz aboot 129 yeers old or sumfin. Noo ever since hee went tae sit at hame all days watchin the tellys, wees have hud every postee in the hole of the world deliverin wur male. Sum days wees wid get wur male and udder days wee widnae. Sum days it wid be delivered at 11am's and udder days it wiznae hear until 3pm's. Wees have bin gettin all wur nayburs males and theys have bin gettin all hours. Then credit card bills wid go missin and ma Mum wiz like pure charged fur no payin the bill.
Ma Mum did fone the postee place and telt thems the problem, but they wiznae bovered. Eventuallees ma Mum pure foned the heed of the royal male, noo am no sure who that iz, but az finks the heed of the royal male must be the queen, coz hur face iz on the stamps. Noo they did pure take ma Mums complaint rite seereus and they said they wid dae sumfin aboot it.
Well thiz mornins wur male arrived at 10 am's and ma Mum wiz rite egg sited.
Then wees looked tae make soor it wiz all hour male and thiz wiz the funnee bit. Wees had letturs addressed tae Mr & Mrs Preslee, Lanark Open Prison and In-Mates, King Presley and Miss Mollee Mouse Hunter, The Murville Famelee, King Presley the Fillosifer, King Presley the Babe Magnet and King Presley the Pedigree Lurcher. Well az pure laffed fur ages, az fot that wiz so funnee. Noo can ewes imagine wit wur postee finks reedin aboot who all stays in thiz hoose.
The postee must have fot to himsell, wit iz that wummin on, pure complainin aboot hur male when there must bee aboot 12 fousand peepells includin a King living in that hoose.
Mee and Mollee pure laffed fur ages, wees reelee liked that.
So az jizt wantid tae say a big fank ewe tae everybuddees that sent uz males fur wur Kissmass and ah wid like tae make a speshall menshon tae ma Feeonsee, Rag ma Crufts Beauty Queen who sent mee the most lovelee est picktoor ah haz ever seen. Az have pit it on ma cell wall next tae ma bed and az will dreem of hur every nites. But pleese dont tell ma Mollee udder wise ah will get an udder tankin.
Love and Peese tae all frum Presley the King xxxx
Thursday 18 December 2008
Ma Mum loves Number twos!
Hullo, az wiz goin tae rite ma blog earlee er but mee and Mollee couldnae stop laffin. Noo ewe all kens mee and ewe kens as am a rite compasshonate dug, but see fing iz, az have a fing aboot laffin when udders are no laffin. Ah cannee help masell and ma mollee cannee help hursell.
Noo thiz iz a troo storee and az swears tae masell thiz iz the troof. Wit happined wiz thiz. See ma Mum, shee pure loves numbur twos. Noo befour ewes go off on wan, wate until ah tells ewes why. Noo remebur ma Dad pure took wur car fur sum off road drivin, then ma Mum felt left oot, so shee let a man pure slam intae hur frum behind. Well that wiz acksident number two! Well ewes will no beleevee wit happined todays. Ma Mum haz had toofake fur like free weeks noo and wees wur all fed up listenin tae hur greetin. So too weeks ago she got her appointment wiff the Vet Dentist and hee pure poked hur aboot and said hee wid need tae doo a bit of gardening in her moof. Noo when az says gardening, wit ah meens iz that hee wiz goin tae work on the roots.
So hee pure gave ma Mum two rite big injections. (See there is the numbur too again!). Ma Mum pure suffered fur a hole week, until shee couldnae take anymores, and ended up getting the Vet doctur tae give hur rite strong pain killers that made hur even mare dizzy than she normally iz!! The next times shee seen the Vet Dentist he geed hur an udder too injections and pure finished working on the root. Fankfoolee that wiz it over. But wate it wiznae! Ma Mum pure woke up thiz mornin, well we fink shee woke up, coz shee looked like she wiz deed. Shee wiz greetin again. Next fing the Vet Dentist foned and telt ma Mum tae go back tae them rite away. Noo thiz iz the funnee bit....ewes will no beeleeve it.....the Vet Dentist discovered that he pure fixed the rong root. It wiz the toof next tae the wan he fixed that wiz broken. So ma Mum iz pure havin tae get an udder session wiff the Vet Dentist tae fix the rite toof. But hee geed hur an udder too big injections. This time he pure paralised hur hole half face and shee came home lookin like shee had dun too rounds wiff Mike Dyson!! Well, mee and Mollee pure laffed so much, az finks Mollee wet hursell, and ah swears too ewe that iz the troof. Noo everybuddee iz pure sayin tae ma Mum 'so ewe reelee wur in pane fur all these weaks'.
So az ewe can sea ma Mum pure loves numbur twos, ah meen who else dae ewe ken that diz everyfin in toos, sept old Wizzy Wonga ??
Well ah must go noo, coz ma belly iz sore wiff laffin. Hope ewes have a nice day TWOday!!! LOL
Big Presley the King Docktur xxxx
Noo thiz iz a troo storee and az swears tae masell thiz iz the troof. Wit happined wiz thiz. See ma Mum, shee pure loves numbur twos. Noo befour ewes go off on wan, wate until ah tells ewes why. Noo remebur ma Dad pure took wur car fur sum off road drivin, then ma Mum felt left oot, so shee let a man pure slam intae hur frum behind. Well that wiz acksident number two! Well ewes will no beleevee wit happined todays. Ma Mum haz had toofake fur like free weeks noo and wees wur all fed up listenin tae hur greetin. So too weeks ago she got her appointment wiff the Vet Dentist and hee pure poked hur aboot and said hee wid need tae doo a bit of gardening in her moof. Noo when az says gardening, wit ah meens iz that hee wiz goin tae work on the roots.
So hee pure gave ma Mum two rite big injections. (See there is the numbur too again!). Ma Mum pure suffered fur a hole week, until shee couldnae take anymores, and ended up getting the Vet doctur tae give hur rite strong pain killers that made hur even mare dizzy than she normally iz!! The next times shee seen the Vet Dentist he geed hur an udder too injections and pure finished working on the root. Fankfoolee that wiz it over. But wate it wiznae! Ma Mum pure woke up thiz mornin, well we fink shee woke up, coz shee looked like she wiz deed. Shee wiz greetin again. Next fing the Vet Dentist foned and telt ma Mum tae go back tae them rite away. Noo thiz iz the funnee bit....ewes will no beeleeve it.....the Vet Dentist discovered that he pure fixed the rong root. It wiz the toof next tae the wan he fixed that wiz broken. So ma Mum iz pure havin tae get an udder session wiff the Vet Dentist tae fix the rite toof. But hee geed hur an udder too big injections. This time he pure paralised hur hole half face and shee came home lookin like shee had dun too rounds wiff Mike Dyson!! Well, mee and Mollee pure laffed so much, az finks Mollee wet hursell, and ah swears too ewe that iz the troof. Noo everybuddee iz pure sayin tae ma Mum 'so ewe reelee wur in pane fur all these weaks'.
So az ewe can sea ma Mum pure loves numbur twos, ah meen who else dae ewe ken that diz everyfin in toos, sept old Wizzy Wonga ??
Well ah must go noo, coz ma belly iz sore wiff laffin. Hope ewes have a nice day TWOday!!! LOL
Big Presley the King Docktur xxxx
Tuesday 16 December 2008
Bloo Seep
Hullo everyboddees, az am up reelee earlee today coz its gettin neer Kissmass time an mee and Mollees iz pure excited. Well ma Roobee iz mutch better todays, az didnae ken wit wiz wrang wiff hur, shee wiz actin like ma Dad diz efter hee's haz had a foo drinks - like pure confoosed.
Noo wees iz confoosed coz wees didnae ken wit wiz up wiff hur.
Noo az promised ewes ah wid tells ewes a funnee storee and az swears tae masell this iz the troof. Sum readers may find the content of this storree pure shockin.
See wit happined wiz this. Mee and Mollee wur oot in the car wiff ma Mum a foo weeks ago and wees wur drivin doon the road past all the seeps in the fields. Mee and Mollee pure shout aboose at the seeps by tellin them that a woolf iz behind thems, its reelee funnee and Mollee giggells all the times. Anyways, next fing az saw and a swear tae masell thiz iz the troof, az pure seen a seep wearing loads of leather straps on his body! He looked like hee wiz makin wan of they pure rood movies. Az fot it wiz called a Bandage Movie, but am no sure if its called that, coz ah had a bandage once and it wiznae made of leather. Well, this wan seep wiff the leather geer on, wiz playin leep frog wiff all the udder seeps in the feeld. He wiz havin a pure ball. But thiz iz the rood bit, coz ewe widnae beelevee wit he did behind the seeps backs when hee played leep frog. Hee wiz pure sprayin them wiff bloo paint. Az said oh no sh... a brick, wits hee dane that fur, an az wiz shoutin at the seeps tryin tae tell them, but theys fot az wiz cryin woolf again and theys all ignored mee. A foo days later wees past this feeld again and ewe will no beelevee wit az seen. Every last wan of the seeps in the feeld had bloo paint on thems, honest they did. So that seep in the leather geer, had pure played leep frog wiff every last wan of thems. Noo wit az want tae know iz how diz hee tell all hiz babes apart, coz they all looks the sames tae mee. Az finks hee should have painted them different colors tae tell thems apart.
Wee Mollee jist pure giggled all the times when shee seen all the bloo seep. So if ewes sees any bloo seep or udders wiff paint on them, ewes will ken theys have bin playin leep frog wiff the seep in the Bandage geer. Rite, am off tae find a tin of bloo paint. Molleee, oh Molleee, where are ewe. Love and peese from King Presley xxxx
Noo wees iz confoosed coz wees didnae ken wit wiz up wiff hur.
Noo az promised ewes ah wid tells ewes a funnee storee and az swears tae masell this iz the troof. Sum readers may find the content of this storree pure shockin.
See wit happined wiz this. Mee and Mollee wur oot in the car wiff ma Mum a foo weeks ago and wees wur drivin doon the road past all the seeps in the fields. Mee and Mollee pure shout aboose at the seeps by tellin them that a woolf iz behind thems, its reelee funnee and Mollee giggells all the times. Anyways, next fing az saw and a swear tae masell thiz iz the troof, az pure seen a seep wearing loads of leather straps on his body! He looked like hee wiz makin wan of they pure rood movies. Az fot it wiz called a Bandage Movie, but am no sure if its called that, coz ah had a bandage once and it wiznae made of leather. Well, this wan seep wiff the leather geer on, wiz playin leep frog wiff all the udder seeps in the feeld. He wiz havin a pure ball. But thiz iz the rood bit, coz ewe widnae beelevee wit he did behind the seeps backs when hee played leep frog. Hee wiz pure sprayin them wiff bloo paint. Az said oh no sh... a brick, wits hee dane that fur, an az wiz shoutin at the seeps tryin tae tell them, but theys fot az wiz cryin woolf again and theys all ignored mee. A foo days later wees past this feeld again and ewe will no beelevee wit az seen. Every last wan of the seeps in the feeld had bloo paint on thems, honest they did. So that seep in the leather geer, had pure played leep frog wiff every last wan of thems. Noo wit az want tae know iz how diz hee tell all hiz babes apart, coz they all looks the sames tae mee. Az finks hee should have painted them different colors tae tell thems apart.
Wee Mollee jist pure giggled all the times when shee seen all the bloo seep. So if ewes sees any bloo seep or udders wiff paint on them, ewes will ken theys have bin playin leep frog wiff the seep in the Bandage geer. Rite, am off tae find a tin of bloo paint. Molleee, oh Molleee, where are ewe. Love and peese from King Presley xxxx
Sunday 14 December 2008
Am in the dug hoose
Hullo all ewes, az hopes ewes are dane better than mee, coz az am in the dug hoose.....eye again!!
See fing iz, thiz wit happined tae mee. Ma Mum and Dad pure decided tae splash oot and bye a rite expensive kissmass tree. It wiz gold. But see fing iz, ah fot that coz it wiz gold that it must bee wan of they On-sweet fings fur a King like me. So az waited until it wiz all reddy fur mee and ah used it. Next fing az heers iz ma Mum pure screemin - noo, its no eesy tae stop mid flow, but ah did ma best. Ma Mum says am no aloud tae use ma noo on-sweet in the livings room. Noo az swears tae masell that is pure the troof. Wits the point in havin an indoor lavee and ewer no aloud tae use it. It must bee there to like pure impress udder dogs that wees haz a gold toilet in wur hoose. But see fing iz, its diznae work, coz ma Mum says Presley that is pure oot of order! Maybees theys iz waitin fur a plumber tae plum it in or sumfin. So if ewes are comin tae visit mee, rememburs ewes cannee use wur noo on-sweet yet.
Am away off tae rite ma kissmass list tae Santa Paws and tae look efter ma big sistur Roobee who isnae very well todays. Shee iz so pure a babe, and az gets upsets when shee isnae well.
Az will let ewes ken how shee iz tomorrows.
Love fae Presley the King xxx
See fing iz, thiz wit happined tae mee. Ma Mum and Dad pure decided tae splash oot and bye a rite expensive kissmass tree. It wiz gold. But see fing iz, ah fot that coz it wiz gold that it must bee wan of they On-sweet fings fur a King like me. So az waited until it wiz all reddy fur mee and ah used it. Next fing az heers iz ma Mum pure screemin - noo, its no eesy tae stop mid flow, but ah did ma best. Ma Mum says am no aloud tae use ma noo on-sweet in the livings room. Noo az swears tae masell that is pure the troof. Wits the point in havin an indoor lavee and ewer no aloud tae use it. It must bee there to like pure impress udder dogs that wees haz a gold toilet in wur hoose. But see fing iz, its diznae work, coz ma Mum says Presley that is pure oot of order! Maybees theys iz waitin fur a plumber tae plum it in or sumfin. So if ewes are comin tae visit mee, rememburs ewes cannee use wur noo on-sweet yet.
Am away off tae rite ma kissmass list tae Santa Paws and tae look efter ma big sistur Roobee who isnae very well todays. Shee iz so pure a babe, and az gets upsets when shee isnae well.
Az will let ewes ken how shee iz tomorrows.
Love fae Presley the King xxx
Friday 12 December 2008
Kismass Song
Hullo, yes az am back and am mutch better noo that az am over my dug floo!! Fank ewes fur all ma get betters cards, but next times am no well, can ewes jist send mee the monee instead. Fanks.
Noo az didnae spend all ma ill days jist bean ill, az wiz listening tae the box wiff no wires. Its called a wireless fur any uneducated peepells. Noo there wiz an old codger that kept singging a song, hiz name wizz sumfin tae dae wiff a rock - day ewe kens who az am meenin? Eye, it wiz Cliff. Thats a cool name. Az liked hiz singging very mutch, but he didnae sing all the wurds rite, so az made up sum of ma ane. The song iz aboot the cold weather and it wiz called Missin Toes and Wine. Noo wit az wid like ewes all tae day is tae sing along wiff mee and ma version goes like this.
The dug is a King, the udders they swing
The old yeer is passed, Bazil haz sum gass,
Dreems of Santa, dreems of ssnow
Wur paws are numb, wur bums are aglow
Korus
Kissmass time missin toes and wine
Wees are fartin all the time
Wur logs are on fire
Wees iz peein on the trees
Wiff food in wur bellys, Wizzy legs are like jelly
A time fur eating, everfin wees sees
A time fur living, a time fur getting
A time fur thursting, A time fur lusting
Kissmass time is love Kissmass is a feest
When ah gets ma paws on Mollee
I'll show hur am a beest
Korus
Kissmas time missin toes and wine
Wees are fartin all the time
Wur logs are on fire
Wees iz peein on the trees
Noo when ewes all heer old Rock face singging thiz song ewes can fink of mee, but rememburs dont bee turds change the wurds!
Rite az will need tae go noo, but if ewes like ma song, az will let ewes heer ma vershun of Hart of Gass. Bye for noo, big Presley the songriter, fillosifur, orfur, poet and lover of all the beetches. xxx
Noo az didnae spend all ma ill days jist bean ill, az wiz listening tae the box wiff no wires. Its called a wireless fur any uneducated peepells. Noo there wiz an old codger that kept singging a song, hiz name wizz sumfin tae dae wiff a rock - day ewe kens who az am meenin? Eye, it wiz Cliff. Thats a cool name. Az liked hiz singging very mutch, but he didnae sing all the wurds rite, so az made up sum of ma ane. The song iz aboot the cold weather and it wiz called Missin Toes and Wine. Noo wit az wid like ewes all tae day is tae sing along wiff mee and ma version goes like this.
The dug is a King, the udders they swing
The old yeer is passed, Bazil haz sum gass,
Dreems of Santa, dreems of ssnow
Wur paws are numb, wur bums are aglow
Korus
Kissmass time missin toes and wine
Wees are fartin all the time
Wur logs are on fire
Wees iz peein on the trees
Wiff food in wur bellys, Wizzy legs are like jelly
A time fur eating, everfin wees sees
A time fur living, a time fur getting
A time fur thursting, A time fur lusting
Kissmass time is love Kissmass is a feest
When ah gets ma paws on Mollee
I'll show hur am a beest
Korus
Kissmas time missin toes and wine
Wees are fartin all the time
Wur logs are on fire
Wees iz peein on the trees
Noo when ewes all heer old Rock face singging thiz song ewes can fink of mee, but rememburs dont bee turds change the wurds!
Rite az will need tae go noo, but if ewes like ma song, az will let ewes heer ma vershun of Hart of Gass. Bye for noo, big Presley the songriter, fillosifur, orfur, poet and lover of all the beetches. xxx
Friday 5 December 2008
Dug Floo
Hullo all ewes oot there, az cannee rite mutch todays coz az am no well and az finks az will need tae see a Docktur. Az haz Dug Floo. Noo Dug Floo iz like man floo, an az am no feelin masell.
Az had lots tae tell ewes, coz wee got wur noo car the udder dae, and ewes will no beeleeve it, but it pure looks like a herse. Az swears tae masell it does.
Az will have tae go back tae ma sick bed coz az didnae ken wits up wiff mee. Maybees az have bin poisuned eatin ma Mums mince or somfin, but Mollees iz pure fine.
Az spent sum time wiff the pussy cats that lives hear and maybees Charlee haz pit a Dug Floo spell on mee or sumfin. Mollee isnae aloud tae spend times wiff wur cats, coz shee like pure dribbles when shee sees cats and thats no nice.
Az am going tae fill ma hot water bottle and goes back tae ma bed and feel rite sorree fur masell.
Az will speeks tae ewes all tomorrows if az am feelin better.
Love tae ewes all, fae Big Presley the King xxx
Az had lots tae tell ewes, coz wee got wur noo car the udder dae, and ewes will no beeleeve it, but it pure looks like a herse. Az swears tae masell it does.
Az will have tae go back tae ma sick bed coz az didnae ken wits up wiff mee. Maybees az have bin poisuned eatin ma Mums mince or somfin, but Mollees iz pure fine.
Az spent sum time wiff the pussy cats that lives hear and maybees Charlee haz pit a Dug Floo spell on mee or sumfin. Mollee isnae aloud tae spend times wiff wur cats, coz shee like pure dribbles when shee sees cats and thats no nice.
Az am going tae fill ma hot water bottle and goes back tae ma bed and feel rite sorree fur masell.
Az will speeks tae ewes all tomorrows if az am feelin better.
Love tae ewes all, fae Big Presley the King xxx
Wednesday 3 December 2008
Ssssnow way man
Hullo all ewes ma fans out there. Noo ma englilish isnae very good, so maybees az should have rit, hullo all ewes ma fannees out there. Az will check ma grammur later so az didnae offend anyones. Well see fing iz, mee and Mollee have bin playin in the exercise yard here at Lan Ark, coz its pure covered in snow. Wees pure loves the ssnow, well no the yellow ssnow and wees reelee hates the brown ssnow. Wizzy always seems tae bee neer brown ssnow, so az finks he likes it! So az wiz talkin tae ma Mum and she said shee wid build mee and Mollee a ssnow man, but az didnae want a ssnow man, so az asked her if she wid help mee and Mollee build a ssnow dug. She said she wid, but she pure hasnae, coz she haz bin pure running all over the country wiff hur work. Shee is like oot at work fur like aboot 30 hours in wan day, to helps udder peepells who are pure sad.
So fing iz shee iz gettin wur udder noo car todays, coz the windaes have bin pure blacked oot in it noo, so shee can use it fur hur work. Shee bott the car in Engerland, where shee goes tae work. Az finks she wid have bin better bying a ssnow mowbeel tae drive up and down to Engerland in, but no, shee fott shee pure kent better and bott a car. Wit a tube!!
Shee said shee wid build wur ssnow dug twomorrows if shee isnae two bizee, but az finks az will ask my sycho Dad tae build mee wan, coz hee jist pure sits aboot all day and stares at hiz compootur.
Az will tell ewes all wit wur noo car iz like when ma Mum gets homes frum Engerland tonites.
Have a nice days and az will speek tae ewes all later, coz az have a rite funee storee tae tell ewes.
Love fae Big Presley the King xxx
So fing iz shee iz gettin wur udder noo car todays, coz the windaes have bin pure blacked oot in it noo, so shee can use it fur hur work. Shee bott the car in Engerland, where shee goes tae work. Az finks she wid have bin better bying a ssnow mowbeel tae drive up and down to Engerland in, but no, shee fott shee pure kent better and bott a car. Wit a tube!!
Shee said shee wid build wur ssnow dug twomorrows if shee isnae two bizee, but az finks az will ask my sycho Dad tae build mee wan, coz hee jist pure sits aboot all day and stares at hiz compootur.
Az will tell ewes all wit wur noo car iz like when ma Mum gets homes frum Engerland tonites.
Have a nice days and az will speek tae ewes all later, coz az have a rite funee storee tae tell ewes.
Love fae Big Presley the King xxx
Monday 1 December 2008
Ma Mums bin cheetin on us
Well ewes will no beeleeve wits happined tae mee and ma Mollee, wees are frum a brokin home. Ma Mum haz pure bin cheetin on us. Az swears tae masell she haz.
Noo let mee tell ewes aboot it. See ma Dad wiz pure asked tae bee a judge and az finks ma Mum must have bin the jewree. Anyways, off theys goes yisterdae and theys left mee and Mollee and all the udder inmates in wur cells and wees sat and waited fur wur antee ehleen tae come and let uz oot. Noo wur antee ehleen iz pretty cool, coz shee gives us loads of liver treats and wees play wiff hur.
Eventuallee ma Mum and Dad came home and az pure smelt theys had bin cheetin on mee wiff udder dogs. Theys canny lye tae mee, coz am no stoopid. And az seen hairs on ma Mums troosers, so thats how ah kent. Then az herd them sayin somfin aboot Kissmass Time and how wees wid bee rite pleesed wiff what Santa Paws had bott uz fur wur Kissmass. Ah fot tae masell, oh no wae man, theys have only gone an pure got dug numbur ate!!
So az had tae turn dicktective and find oot wit wiz gone on. Az waited until ma dinner times, and then az pure looked aboot everywhere fur cloos. Then az pure seen it!!! A bag, and ewes will no beeleeve wit wiz in it. There wiz like sevin noo dug collars! Honestlee, that iz pure the troof. So az finks Santa Paws iz bringing uz no wan, but sevin dugs tae live wiff uz!!
Az have bin finkin aboot noo names fur the noo dugs and az finks az will call them effter Santa Paws raindears, coz that wid bee rite cool.
Az will let ewes ken wit az have decided tae call ma noo brovers and sisters, but in the meentimes, az am no going tae let on az kens the troof and az will make ma Mum and Dads life a pure misery fur cheetin on mees wiff udder dogs.
Lots of love, fae Big Presley the King xxx
Noo let mee tell ewes aboot it. See ma Dad wiz pure asked tae bee a judge and az finks ma Mum must have bin the jewree. Anyways, off theys goes yisterdae and theys left mee and Mollee and all the udder inmates in wur cells and wees sat and waited fur wur antee ehleen tae come and let uz oot. Noo wur antee ehleen iz pretty cool, coz shee gives us loads of liver treats and wees play wiff hur.
Eventuallee ma Mum and Dad came home and az pure smelt theys had bin cheetin on mee wiff udder dogs. Theys canny lye tae mee, coz am no stoopid. And az seen hairs on ma Mums troosers, so thats how ah kent. Then az herd them sayin somfin aboot Kissmass Time and how wees wid bee rite pleesed wiff what Santa Paws had bott uz fur wur Kissmass. Ah fot tae masell, oh no wae man, theys have only gone an pure got dug numbur ate!!
So az had tae turn dicktective and find oot wit wiz gone on. Az waited until ma dinner times, and then az pure looked aboot everywhere fur cloos. Then az pure seen it!!! A bag, and ewes will no beeleeve wit wiz in it. There wiz like sevin noo dug collars! Honestlee, that iz pure the troof. So az finks Santa Paws iz bringing uz no wan, but sevin dugs tae live wiff uz!!
Az have bin finkin aboot noo names fur the noo dugs and az finks az will call them effter Santa Paws raindears, coz that wid bee rite cool.
Az will let ewes ken wit az have decided tae call ma noo brovers and sisters, but in the meentimes, az am no going tae let on az kens the troof and az will make ma Mum and Dads life a pure misery fur cheetin on mees wiff udder dogs.
Lots of love, fae Big Presley the King xxx
Saturday 29 November 2008
2 out of Free anit bad.
Hullo ewes, noo az am goin tae tell ewes a pure rite funnee storee and az swears tae masell it is the troof. See wit happined wiz thiz. Rememburs az telt ewes that ma Dad pure took his car fur a bit of off road drivin a foo weeks ago only trubble wiz that wees didnae have an off road car.
Anyways, ma Mum bott a noo car the udder day. Its wan of they rite fancee cars call a turbos and it can go frum 0-6 mph, if ewe gee it a good poosh and it can day 0-60 mph frew the feelds wae ma Dad at the wheel playin rolly polly wiff it. Noo ewes will all ken that bad lucks always cums in free's, and last nite it wiz akcident numbur two. Wit happined wiz thiz. Ma Mum wiz goin tae collect ma hooman neese and neffewe, and fankfoolee she didnae have any deed pets in hur car. So shee wiz sittin in the car at the traffick lites, when she looks in hur rear view mirror and seen a bum. Noo thiz bum wiz like drivin too fast and hee pure couldnae stop in times, so hee used ma Mums car az a batterin ram fur tae stop.
Ma Mums heed wiz pure flung rite hard against the heed fing and she said it pure hurted. Next fing ma Mum herd syreens and ewes will no beeleeve wit happined next. Free polis cars, two amboolances and a docktur on a motorbike turned up. Theys took ma Mum into the amboolance and pure felt hur all over hur heed. Az finks shee liked that coz the paramedic man wiz rite handsum. So wiff that in mind, ma Mum pure pooshed hur luck and telt him that shee wiz hurtin in udder rude places so that hee wid sees to them bits two. But dont tell ma Dad that bit.
Anyways, then the poliss man says tae ma Mum have ewe bin drinkin, and ma Mum says eye az haz!!! Shee says, az had a cup of coffeee befour az left the hoose. The poliss man then says blow intae thiz fing. Az swears tae masell hee pure did. But its not wit ewes are finking. It wiz a breffaliser. Ma Mum says az haz pure seen thiz on the tellys so az ken wit az haz tae do. Ewe will no guess wit happined next. The fing wiznae working! S..... a brick!! Ma Mum wiz pure rite dizzapointed she wiznae aloud tae blow intae the mans fing.
Noo fing iz, peepells had pure laffed at ma Mum fur bye in Skodas, but it pure saved ma Dads lifes and this time the udder car pure saved ma Mums lifes. The Polliss man couldnt believe how little damage wiz done tae ma Mums car considerins how fast the man in the udder car hit hur, so noo all the Polliss are going tae bye Skodas. Noo fur anybuddee that haz pure laffed at ma Mum and called hur crazee, jist rememburs the Skoda storee......, shee is no az daft as shee wid like ewes tae fink shee iz!
Hur heed wiznae hurted coz ewe canny hurt wood, but wee's will need tae get wur car tae the garage tae bee fixed, coz that wiznae made of wood.
That iz ma pure troo storee fur todays. So have a nice days an az will have a nice day two.
Love fae Presley the King.
Anyways, ma Mum bott a noo car the udder day. Its wan of they rite fancee cars call a turbos and it can go frum 0-6 mph, if ewe gee it a good poosh and it can day 0-60 mph frew the feelds wae ma Dad at the wheel playin rolly polly wiff it. Noo ewes will all ken that bad lucks always cums in free's, and last nite it wiz akcident numbur two. Wit happined wiz thiz. Ma Mum wiz goin tae collect ma hooman neese and neffewe, and fankfoolee she didnae have any deed pets in hur car. So shee wiz sittin in the car at the traffick lites, when she looks in hur rear view mirror and seen a bum. Noo thiz bum wiz like drivin too fast and hee pure couldnae stop in times, so hee used ma Mums car az a batterin ram fur tae stop.
Ma Mums heed wiz pure flung rite hard against the heed fing and she said it pure hurted. Next fing ma Mum herd syreens and ewes will no beeleeve wit happined next. Free polis cars, two amboolances and a docktur on a motorbike turned up. Theys took ma Mum into the amboolance and pure felt hur all over hur heed. Az finks shee liked that coz the paramedic man wiz rite handsum. So wiff that in mind, ma Mum pure pooshed hur luck and telt him that shee wiz hurtin in udder rude places so that hee wid sees to them bits two. But dont tell ma Dad that bit.
Anyways, then the poliss man says tae ma Mum have ewe bin drinkin, and ma Mum says eye az haz!!! Shee says, az had a cup of coffeee befour az left the hoose. The poliss man then says blow intae thiz fing. Az swears tae masell hee pure did. But its not wit ewes are finking. It wiz a breffaliser. Ma Mum says az haz pure seen thiz on the tellys so az ken wit az haz tae do. Ewe will no guess wit happined next. The fing wiznae working! S..... a brick!! Ma Mum wiz pure rite dizzapointed she wiznae aloud tae blow intae the mans fing.
Noo fing iz, peepells had pure laffed at ma Mum fur bye in Skodas, but it pure saved ma Dads lifes and this time the udder car pure saved ma Mums lifes. The Polliss man couldnt believe how little damage wiz done tae ma Mums car considerins how fast the man in the udder car hit hur, so noo all the Polliss are going tae bye Skodas. Noo fur anybuddee that haz pure laffed at ma Mum and called hur crazee, jist rememburs the Skoda storee......, shee is no az daft as shee wid like ewes tae fink shee iz!
Hur heed wiznae hurted coz ewe canny hurt wood, but wee's will need tae get wur car tae the garage tae bee fixed, coz that wiznae made of wood.
That iz ma pure troo storee fur todays. So have a nice days an az will have a nice day two.
Love fae Presley the King.
Sunday 23 November 2008
Sidnae Deevine
Hullo, mee hear, az haz hud pure hunners of hits on ma blog an ah fot az wid tell ewes a pure rite funnee troo storee. Noo az swears tae masell this reelee happined tae mee and Mollee.
Wit happined wiz thiz. A foo nites ago ma Mum got oot sum old videeos tae play on the gramafone. Theys wur videeos of hur when shee wiz jist a puppee, filmed aboot 80 yeers ago. Mee and Mollee pure like seeing the videeos of all ma Mums udder dogs who are noo at Rainbow Bridge. There wiz sum videeos of Kim hur first dug, an Zara an Lucky udder dogs shee had - wees even seen Lucky pure sittin at the table on xmas days an ma Mum pure telt uz that wees are no aloud tae sit at the tables wiff wur bibs on an thats no fare. Then ma Mum wanted tae watch an udder old videeo of hur hooman grand mother. Wees will call hur Wee Gran fur short, coz she wiz smaller than Mollee, ah swears tae masell she wiz. Noo Wee Gran wiz blind all hur life, jist like ma brover Wizzee, but shee had a white stick. Ah finks that wiz tae hit folk over the heed wiff if they got in the way, so am goin tae buy Wizzee a white stick fur hiz xmas. The videeo wiz aboot a time when Wee Gran wiz invited tae a This is Ewer Life fing fur an old wummin called Maggee who wiz aboot 200 yeers old. It wiz pure torture watchin this videeo, then Wee Gran came on near the end an pure sung a song called Ah Swallowed a Peanut. Everybuddee at the 'This is Your Life' pure loved this song and mee and Mollee wiz pure laffin. Am no sure if ma Mum liked it, coz shee wiz pure greetin!
But when Wee Gran had finished singing, wee heard an udder persun singing a song, it wiz called 'Maggee'. Noo am no as good a singur az Basil Brush, but it starts 'I pure wandured tae the hills today...... ' La la la, They say ewe are aged and grey Magee... la la la'
Do ewes ken it??
Well, ma Mum an Dad fot they kent thiz man who wiz singing!! Ah fots wit a pare of plonkers, coz mee an Mollee pure kent rite away who it wiz, coz he also sings Tiny Bubbells.
Noo Wee Gran wiz blind and she kent rite away who it wiz and fankfoolee she says oh how nice, thats Sidnee Deevine!! An az swears tae masell thats pure who it wiz. The look on ma Mum and Dads face wiz a pure picktoor. Its no everydae ewe watch sum old familee videeo and pure sees sumwun as famoss az Wee Gran.!!!
Noo az wid lets ewes all see thiz videeo, but az am goin tae save ewes frum heering Sidnee Deevine!! LOL Bee Happee.
Love fae Big Presley xx
Wit happined wiz thiz. A foo nites ago ma Mum got oot sum old videeos tae play on the gramafone. Theys wur videeos of hur when shee wiz jist a puppee, filmed aboot 80 yeers ago. Mee and Mollee pure like seeing the videeos of all ma Mums udder dogs who are noo at Rainbow Bridge. There wiz sum videeos of Kim hur first dug, an Zara an Lucky udder dogs shee had - wees even seen Lucky pure sittin at the table on xmas days an ma Mum pure telt uz that wees are no aloud tae sit at the tables wiff wur bibs on an thats no fare. Then ma Mum wanted tae watch an udder old videeo of hur hooman grand mother. Wees will call hur Wee Gran fur short, coz she wiz smaller than Mollee, ah swears tae masell she wiz. Noo Wee Gran wiz blind all hur life, jist like ma brover Wizzee, but shee had a white stick. Ah finks that wiz tae hit folk over the heed wiff if they got in the way, so am goin tae buy Wizzee a white stick fur hiz xmas. The videeo wiz aboot a time when Wee Gran wiz invited tae a This is Ewer Life fing fur an old wummin called Maggee who wiz aboot 200 yeers old. It wiz pure torture watchin this videeo, then Wee Gran came on near the end an pure sung a song called Ah Swallowed a Peanut. Everybuddee at the 'This is Your Life' pure loved this song and mee and Mollee wiz pure laffin. Am no sure if ma Mum liked it, coz shee wiz pure greetin!
But when Wee Gran had finished singing, wee heard an udder persun singing a song, it wiz called 'Maggee'. Noo am no as good a singur az Basil Brush, but it starts 'I pure wandured tae the hills today...... ' La la la, They say ewe are aged and grey Magee... la la la'
Do ewes ken it??
Well, ma Mum an Dad fot they kent thiz man who wiz singing!! Ah fots wit a pare of plonkers, coz mee an Mollee pure kent rite away who it wiz, coz he also sings Tiny Bubbells.
Noo Wee Gran wiz blind and she kent rite away who it wiz and fankfoolee she says oh how nice, thats Sidnee Deevine!! An az swears tae masell thats pure who it wiz. The look on ma Mum and Dads face wiz a pure picktoor. Its no everydae ewe watch sum old familee videeo and pure sees sumwun as famoss az Wee Gran.!!!
Noo az wid lets ewes all see thiz videeo, but az am goin tae save ewes frum heering Sidnee Deevine!! LOL Bee Happee.
Love fae Big Presley xx
Saturday 15 November 2008
Ma Psyco Dad!
Well hullo all ewes, its mee!
Noo ewes will all ken that az am rite cliver, thats coz am a dug and sum of ewes is only hoomans, but az am goin tae tell ewe a rite spookee storee and az swears tae masell its the troof.
See wit happined wiz thiz. Last weekend, az finks that wiz aboot free weeks ago, ma Mum and Dad says theys were away tae a workshop fur tae lern how tae talk tae the anneemals - az fots tae masell eye rite very good!! Wit diz they fink theys are Docktur Doooolittles, its mare like Docktur Doooooflaminnuffin. Anyways, off theys go's tae see ma antee JoeAnne Hull the anneemal comoonicatur tae lerns how tae dae thiz. Noo there wur like sum reel psycho meediums there, and ewe wid fink they wid bee reelee good at it. Noo ma Mum only likes tae talk tae mee and ma Mollee and sumtimes Roobee, so shee pure only got a foo fings that wur so spot on aboot the dug or cat shee wiz talkin tae. But wate fur thiz, the star of the day wiznae a reel psycho meedium, but ma very own psycho Dad. As swears tae masell its so pure troo. His reedins were so flamin accurate that even ma antee JoeAnne wiz pure flabbergasted. Noo, see fing iz, ah kens that a lot of peepells diznae beeleeve in all this and pure finks its nonsense, but see az diznae care, coz ah finks a lott of peepells oot there are off their flamin nuts, theys jizt diznae reelize it. Ma Dad iz getting picktoors sent tae him by peepells from the workshop of dugs that ma Dad diznae ken and he iz pure dane a reedin. Noo sum anneemal coomoonicaturs charges up tae £120 fur tae do thiz and ma Dad iz pure dane it in hiz sleep - jist like he diz all fings espeshally drivin. Anyways az finks thats cool, jist like hiz noo hair cut a numbur too all over!! Ah kens the times Ivor got a number two all over hiz noze but thats an udder storee.
Az wid also like tae say a rite big fank ewe tae a ladee who pure used ma Mum services reecentlee and gave a masseeve donation tae the Dugs who are no as well off az mee and mollee. ma Mum haz pure split the donation between hur favorit charitees and theys wur reel pleesed. With the credit crunchee goin on at the moment, it wiz pure rite geneross of the wumin and ma Mum wiz neerlee greetin when the wumin telt ma Mum wit shee wiz wantin tae gee them.
Anyways, az am away tae talk tae Docktur Doooooflaminnuffin.
Love fae big Presley xxx
Noo ewes will all ken that az am rite cliver, thats coz am a dug and sum of ewes is only hoomans, but az am goin tae tell ewe a rite spookee storee and az swears tae masell its the troof.
See wit happined wiz thiz. Last weekend, az finks that wiz aboot free weeks ago, ma Mum and Dad says theys were away tae a workshop fur tae lern how tae talk tae the anneemals - az fots tae masell eye rite very good!! Wit diz they fink theys are Docktur Doooolittles, its mare like Docktur Doooooflaminnuffin. Anyways, off theys go's tae see ma antee JoeAnne Hull the anneemal comoonicatur tae lerns how tae dae thiz. Noo there wur like sum reel psycho meediums there, and ewe wid fink they wid bee reelee good at it. Noo ma Mum only likes tae talk tae mee and ma Mollee and sumtimes Roobee, so shee pure only got a foo fings that wur so spot on aboot the dug or cat shee wiz talkin tae. But wate fur thiz, the star of the day wiznae a reel psycho meedium, but ma very own psycho Dad. As swears tae masell its so pure troo. His reedins were so flamin accurate that even ma antee JoeAnne wiz pure flabbergasted. Noo, see fing iz, ah kens that a lot of peepells diznae beeleeve in all this and pure finks its nonsense, but see az diznae care, coz ah finks a lott of peepells oot there are off their flamin nuts, theys jizt diznae reelize it. Ma Dad iz getting picktoors sent tae him by peepells from the workshop of dugs that ma Dad diznae ken and he iz pure dane a reedin. Noo sum anneemal coomoonicaturs charges up tae £120 fur tae do thiz and ma Dad iz pure dane it in hiz sleep - jist like he diz all fings espeshally drivin. Anyways az finks thats cool, jist like hiz noo hair cut a numbur too all over!! Ah kens the times Ivor got a number two all over hiz noze but thats an udder storee.
Az wid also like tae say a rite big fank ewe tae a ladee who pure used ma Mum services reecentlee and gave a masseeve donation tae the Dugs who are no as well off az mee and mollee. ma Mum haz pure split the donation between hur favorit charitees and theys wur reel pleesed. With the credit crunchee goin on at the moment, it wiz pure rite geneross of the wumin and ma Mum wiz neerlee greetin when the wumin telt ma Mum wit shee wiz wantin tae gee them.
Anyways, az am away tae talk tae Docktur Doooooflaminnuffin.
Love fae big Presley xxx
Saturday 11 October 2008
Wit a smashin weak wiff Bobbit
Well hullo all ewes oot there and fanks fur the nice eemales ewe send mees, az am rite glad ewes like ma blog.
Noo fing iz thiz wees haz had a smashin weak and so haz ma Dad. Noo ewe kens mee and am no wan tae laff at udder peepells missfortunes, but see sumtimes az canny help masell. On Mondays mornings my Dad went away tae hiz work. He always goes pure dead earlee in the mornings, when everybuddees iz still sleepin. He wiz neerly at Edinburger when hee decided he wid see jist how well built hiz Skoda wiz and hee fot the best wae tae find thiz oot wid bee tae like play rollee pollee across a feeld in it. So off he goes wiff the greatest off ease, flyin frew the air like he wiz on a trapeese. Hee pure rolled the car fur hunners of miles intae the forrest, geein all the aneemals that lives there a rite frite. Az swears tae masell that iz the troof. How cool wiz that? Noo he pure found out that the Skoda iz built like an army tank and apart fae the fact it wiz lyin on its side, ewes widnae ken it had jist been rolled fur hunners of miles.
So wees iz noo gettin a noo car, thats cool!
Noo if all that wiznae enuff fur wan weak, hee pure went and done the unfinkabill. Noo diz any of ewes ken wit hee did? Az will gee ewe a hint. Hee got sumfin cut off. It wiz a foo inches long and pure hung fae hiz bodee and hee haz had it all his life. Noo wate wan minnut. Ewes are no finkin rite! Wit hee did wiz get hiz poneetale cut off, az swears tae masell he pure did. Noo wit wiz all that aboot, coz noo az have noffin tae swing frum when hees iz tryin tae sit an watch telleys in piece. Az wiz rite sad tae see hee didnae have it anymores, but ma Mum pure finks hee looks rite cool wiffoot it.
Noo fur the best fing that haz ever happined tae mee in ma hole life. Az am so happee az iz neerlee cryin like ma Mollee. Az am pure goin tae meet up wiff ma bruver Aaron after all these yeers. Sum of ewes will ken that mee and Aaron were pure sepurated when wees wur puppees an az diznae ken wit became of ma bruver and ma best pal, but noo az am tae meet him again. Mee and Mollee are like pure finkin of a plan tae pure kidnapp Aaron and bring him tae live here wiff us in wur prizon cell. Az pure loves ma bruver and az will dae anyfin tae have him hear wiff me and the Mollee.
Noo for sum reelee sad noos. Ewes will all ken that az had an old pal called Mr Toby McKay, well az am sorree tae say that ma best pal died on Friday. He wiz a pure brilliant dug, loved by everyone and a reel gentleman and az will miss him very much.
Tae ma big pal Toby McKay, ewe wur one in a million, az will miss ewe always.
Sleep tight big fella.
Love fae Presley the King and Mollee Wallee. xxxx
Noo fing iz thiz wees haz had a smashin weak and so haz ma Dad. Noo ewe kens mee and am no wan tae laff at udder peepells missfortunes, but see sumtimes az canny help masell. On Mondays mornings my Dad went away tae hiz work. He always goes pure dead earlee in the mornings, when everybuddees iz still sleepin. He wiz neerly at Edinburger when hee decided he wid see jist how well built hiz Skoda wiz and hee fot the best wae tae find thiz oot wid bee tae like play rollee pollee across a feeld in it. So off he goes wiff the greatest off ease, flyin frew the air like he wiz on a trapeese. Hee pure rolled the car fur hunners of miles intae the forrest, geein all the aneemals that lives there a rite frite. Az swears tae masell that iz the troof. How cool wiz that? Noo he pure found out that the Skoda iz built like an army tank and apart fae the fact it wiz lyin on its side, ewes widnae ken it had jist been rolled fur hunners of miles.
So wees iz noo gettin a noo car, thats cool!
Noo if all that wiznae enuff fur wan weak, hee pure went and done the unfinkabill. Noo diz any of ewes ken wit hee did? Az will gee ewe a hint. Hee got sumfin cut off. It wiz a foo inches long and pure hung fae hiz bodee and hee haz had it all his life. Noo wate wan minnut. Ewes are no finkin rite! Wit hee did wiz get hiz poneetale cut off, az swears tae masell he pure did. Noo wit wiz all that aboot, coz noo az have noffin tae swing frum when hees iz tryin tae sit an watch telleys in piece. Az wiz rite sad tae see hee didnae have it anymores, but ma Mum pure finks hee looks rite cool wiffoot it.
Noo fur the best fing that haz ever happined tae mee in ma hole life. Az am so happee az iz neerlee cryin like ma Mollee. Az am pure goin tae meet up wiff ma bruver Aaron after all these yeers. Sum of ewes will ken that mee and Aaron were pure sepurated when wees wur puppees an az diznae ken wit became of ma bruver and ma best pal, but noo az am tae meet him again. Mee and Mollee are like pure finkin of a plan tae pure kidnapp Aaron and bring him tae live here wiff us in wur prizon cell. Az pure loves ma bruver and az will dae anyfin tae have him hear wiff me and the Mollee.
Noo for sum reelee sad noos. Ewes will all ken that az had an old pal called Mr Toby McKay, well az am sorree tae say that ma best pal died on Friday. He wiz a pure brilliant dug, loved by everyone and a reel gentleman and az will miss him very much.
Tae ma big pal Toby McKay, ewe wur one in a million, az will miss ewe always.
Sleep tight big fella.
Love fae Presley the King and Mollee Wallee. xxxx
Tuesday 7 October 2008
Cold Case
Hullo, az iz reelee sorree az haz no bean on here, but see fing iz az haz bin watchin two much telleys. Az haz a noo best programme that makes me and Mollee pure laff wur heeds aff. Its a murrdur programme, well its aboot unsolved murrdurs and theys call in a wumin called Dayle Hymen or sumfin. Ewes can see it on the Discovery channel.
Noo thiz wumin iz like a Cracker, a rite flamin cracker if ewes ask mee. See fing iz, if the poliss cannee solve a crime coz theys are fick, they calls in thiz wumin tae do like a profile of the killer. Noo, fing iz mee and mollee fot it wiz an Art programme when wees herd shee wiz dane profiles, but its no like that. She pure arrives at a murrdur sceene and tells the poliss who theys are lookin fur. Cool eh? Well thats the pure funnee bit and az swears tae masell, thiz iz how shee pure profiles a killur.
Rite wit happins is thiz. The poliss finds bones oot in a forest. Well its usually a dug that finds the bones, but the poliss seems tae forget that bit. Az kens it wiz a dug that found the bones, coz the poliss say theys are lookin fur a lead. Theys canny find the lead so theys call in Dayle Hymen. Az finks theys would have bin better callin in the dog wissperur fur tae find a lead.
Rite so thiz iz wit the Poliss diz ken. Its a body of a wumin, found in the woods, and the wumin iznae wearin clothes. The poliss haz also found nasty DNA stuff on the wumins body, coz the killur haz played leep frog wiff hur befour he kilt hur. And fing iz, the wumin had no heed!
Dayle Hymen then pure looks around the woods and then shee says, the killur disnae want ewes tae ken who they iz, but az finks its definately a man. Shee also says that she finks the wumin died from a severe blow tae the heed!! Man how cool iz thiz wumins observation skills??
Mee and Mollee are pure rite laffin by noo. Wees is no laffin at the deed wumin, wees iz laffin at the Dayle wumin. How fick must american poliss bee if they canny work all that oot fur themselves. Noo fing iz the Poliss still canny find the killer, but then the killurs next intended victum managees to pure escape and she tells the poliss where tae find the killer. Murrdur solved. Cool eh? Then the Dayle wumin says there we are, like a said a man who didnae want tae be cot, and there wees are, az have solved an udder crime.
Noo shee didnae solve the murdurrm, even me and Mollees pure worked that wan oot fur wursells and wees could have telt the poliss the same fings. This tellys programme iz so pure a hoot. Mee and Mollee pure laffs all the way frew it. Check it oot next times ewes is on the discovery channel. It should be called the discover nuffin noo programme.
Enjoy, bee happee and az loves ewe all.
Love fae big Presley the Lurcher. xx
Noo thiz wumin iz like a Cracker, a rite flamin cracker if ewes ask mee. See fing iz, if the poliss cannee solve a crime coz theys are fick, they calls in thiz wumin tae do like a profile of the killer. Noo, fing iz mee and mollee fot it wiz an Art programme when wees herd shee wiz dane profiles, but its no like that. She pure arrives at a murrdur sceene and tells the poliss who theys are lookin fur. Cool eh? Well thats the pure funnee bit and az swears tae masell, thiz iz how shee pure profiles a killur.
Rite wit happins is thiz. The poliss finds bones oot in a forest. Well its usually a dug that finds the bones, but the poliss seems tae forget that bit. Az kens it wiz a dug that found the bones, coz the poliss say theys are lookin fur a lead. Theys canny find the lead so theys call in Dayle Hymen. Az finks theys would have bin better callin in the dog wissperur fur tae find a lead.
Rite so thiz iz wit the Poliss diz ken. Its a body of a wumin, found in the woods, and the wumin iznae wearin clothes. The poliss haz also found nasty DNA stuff on the wumins body, coz the killur haz played leep frog wiff hur befour he kilt hur. And fing iz, the wumin had no heed!
Dayle Hymen then pure looks around the woods and then shee says, the killur disnae want ewes tae ken who they iz, but az finks its definately a man. Shee also says that she finks the wumin died from a severe blow tae the heed!! Man how cool iz thiz wumins observation skills??
Mee and Mollee are pure rite laffin by noo. Wees is no laffin at the deed wumin, wees iz laffin at the Dayle wumin. How fick must american poliss bee if they canny work all that oot fur themselves. Noo fing iz the Poliss still canny find the killer, but then the killurs next intended victum managees to pure escape and she tells the poliss where tae find the killer. Murrdur solved. Cool eh? Then the Dayle wumin says there we are, like a said a man who didnae want tae be cot, and there wees are, az have solved an udder crime.
Noo shee didnae solve the murdurrm, even me and Mollees pure worked that wan oot fur wursells and wees could have telt the poliss the same fings. This tellys programme iz so pure a hoot. Mee and Mollee pure laffs all the way frew it. Check it oot next times ewes is on the discovery channel. It should be called the discover nuffin noo programme.
Enjoy, bee happee and az loves ewe all.
Love fae big Presley the Lurcher. xx
Saturday 27 September 2008
Look Lefft
Hullo its mee again, have ewes bin missin mee? Well see fing iz thiz az iz no bin well, which meens az haz bin sick. Noo az diznae ken why, ah meen its no like ma Mum cooked mee mare mince or anyfin like that. So az finks ah cot wan of they invizibill bug fings. Az will no go intae two many deetales aboot ma sick, but wit happined wiz thiz. Wan day az wiz no feelin well and az wiz sick on ma Mums noo floorin. How cool wiz that? Noo az looked rite sad and widnae play wiff ma Mollee. Az wiz only sad coz when az wiz sick it wiz ma choo that came up! So ma Dad pure took mee tae the Docktor. They Docktors arenae rite in the heed. Hee iz always tryin tae stick fings in ma back bottom, az swears, that is the troof. Hee said it wiz tae take ma tempratoor, Aye Rite!!Butt see az have herd aboot folk like him, so az widnae let him day that tae mee. Anyways, hee pure geed mee sum medisin tae pit in ma dinner and az wiz well again in no times.
Noo az haz an udder troo storee tae tell ewes and az swears tae ma sell thiz iz the troof and az will try and no pit in any cheep jokes!!. Ma Mum wiz drivin tae the Vets tae get tablets fur worms, noo az didnae ken she had worms. Anyways az Roda in hur Skoda wiz dane hur usual speed like she wiz in a Grand Prick race, she pure seen somfin running across the road in front of hur. Wiz it a moose? wiz it a rabbitt? wiz it an airoplane? - No, noo ewes are bean dafft, it wiznae a airoplane, it wiz a burd!! Well thiz wee burd wiz pure runnin like the clappers! But fing iz hee pure forgot tae look lefft. Coz fing iz, cumin towards ma Mum wiz free cars!! And ewes ken wit happined next!! SPLAT! Well no quite. The burd went rite under neef the car missin the wheels.
Hee pure looked like he wiz in a tumbler dryer, gettin flung aboot. But...fankfoolee, hee pure bounced oot the udder end, and he wiz still alive, az swear hee wiz! Well he wiz still alive until the second and furd car hit him!! Buy noo, ma Mum iz neerlee pure greetin, coz wan fing ma Mum reelee hates tae see iz deed aneemals. So shee pure screetches tae a halt and pure diz hur Lindfurd Christie impersunatshon. Well wit ah meen by that, iz ewe ken how when marafon runners pure starts a race they kinda gets doon on wan knee, well that iz wit ah means buy sayin ma Mum wiz like Lindfurd Christie - coz shee canny run and by the time shee got back tae where the burd wiz, shee wiz on hur knees. Noo the wee burd, az will call him RR fur short, that stands fur Road Runner - and standin wiz mare than the burd wiz dane!. Hee wiz pure lying on the road lookin like hee had bin hit by aboot free cars or sumfin. So ma Mum picks him up and pure carried him tae hur car. Hee wiznae happee aboot thiz, az finks hee had herd aboot ma Mums drivin, and hee pure tried tae bite hur. Cool eh? Ma Mum had pure hunners of blood on hur hands frum the wee burd.
When shee got tae the vets, shee pure asked the vet (The Vet is called Donald, but befour ewes ask, hees no a Duck), if the burd could bee saved, and if it couldnae cood hee pure day the rite fing by the burd and pit it tae sleep. Noo the vets nurse pure said check oot the nick of him, but turns oot shee wiz talkin aboot RR an no Donald the Vet. Donald said tae ma Mum usually if a burd iz like pure runnin, there is sumfin rong wiff it and it turned oot that the RR had bin runnin on hiz knees - how cool iz that, az will get Mollee tae try that later. Anyways, Donald reckoned that RR could bee saved and ma Mum wiz rite happee. So hee wiz givin sum medisin by the Vet and pit in a box fur tae get better. Cool eh? Noo az hopes that RR haz pure learned hiz lesson that ewes should always look lefft befour going like the clappers across the road. So next times ewes sees a burd in ewer gerdin, check oot its knees and see if hees haz any sss..cars, coz it may just bee Road Runner.
take care, az will be back soon, love fae big Presley the King xxxx
Noo az haz an udder troo storee tae tell ewes and az swears tae ma sell thiz iz the troof and az will try and no pit in any cheep jokes!!. Ma Mum wiz drivin tae the Vets tae get tablets fur worms, noo az didnae ken she had worms. Anyways az Roda in hur Skoda wiz dane hur usual speed like she wiz in a Grand Prick race, she pure seen somfin running across the road in front of hur. Wiz it a moose? wiz it a rabbitt? wiz it an airoplane? - No, noo ewes are bean dafft, it wiznae a airoplane, it wiz a burd!! Well thiz wee burd wiz pure runnin like the clappers! But fing iz hee pure forgot tae look lefft. Coz fing iz, cumin towards ma Mum wiz free cars!! And ewes ken wit happined next!! SPLAT! Well no quite. The burd went rite under neef the car missin the wheels.
Hee pure looked like he wiz in a tumbler dryer, gettin flung aboot. But...fankfoolee, hee pure bounced oot the udder end, and he wiz still alive, az swear hee wiz! Well he wiz still alive until the second and furd car hit him!! Buy noo, ma Mum iz neerlee pure greetin, coz wan fing ma Mum reelee hates tae see iz deed aneemals. So shee pure screetches tae a halt and pure diz hur Lindfurd Christie impersunatshon. Well wit ah meen by that, iz ewe ken how when marafon runners pure starts a race they kinda gets doon on wan knee, well that iz wit ah means buy sayin ma Mum wiz like Lindfurd Christie - coz shee canny run and by the time shee got back tae where the burd wiz, shee wiz on hur knees. Noo the wee burd, az will call him RR fur short, that stands fur Road Runner - and standin wiz mare than the burd wiz dane!. Hee wiz pure lying on the road lookin like hee had bin hit by aboot free cars or sumfin. So ma Mum picks him up and pure carried him tae hur car. Hee wiznae happee aboot thiz, az finks hee had herd aboot ma Mums drivin, and hee pure tried tae bite hur. Cool eh? Ma Mum had pure hunners of blood on hur hands frum the wee burd.
When shee got tae the vets, shee pure asked the vet (The Vet is called Donald, but befour ewes ask, hees no a Duck), if the burd could bee saved, and if it couldnae cood hee pure day the rite fing by the burd and pit it tae sleep. Noo the vets nurse pure said check oot the nick of him, but turns oot shee wiz talkin aboot RR an no Donald the Vet. Donald said tae ma Mum usually if a burd iz like pure runnin, there is sumfin rong wiff it and it turned oot that the RR had bin runnin on hiz knees - how cool iz that, az will get Mollee tae try that later. Anyways, Donald reckoned that RR could bee saved and ma Mum wiz rite happee. So hee wiz givin sum medisin by the Vet and pit in a box fur tae get better. Cool eh? Noo az hopes that RR haz pure learned hiz lesson that ewes should always look lefft befour going like the clappers across the road. So next times ewes sees a burd in ewer gerdin, check oot its knees and see if hees haz any sss..cars, coz it may just bee Road Runner.
take care, az will be back soon, love fae big Presley the King xxxx
Friday 5 September 2008
Heed bangurs
Noo ewes all ken mee, az iz a lover an no a fighter. Az am a fillosifer an a finker. Az always tries tae avoid bean pollitikal, but sumtimes az gets pure angree wiff peepells, and over the past foo munffs az have bin rite cheesed off buy hoomans beehavewer.
See noo fing iz, sum hoomans finks az am daft, but that iz jizt no the case, az am rite cliver.
Noo ewes all ken aboot the aboose sum aneemals suffer at the hands of hoomans an that iz so rang. Az finks they do thiz coz a lot of hoomans brains are located in there bums. See frum ma point of view, ma view iz usually of hoomans bums, coz az am tall, so az haz a rite good advantage an az pure sees and heers wits goin on.
Let mee explains wit az meens. Over the past foo munffs az have seen hoomans make out theys are pure good pals wiff udder hoomans. But the troof iz that sum of they hoomans are pure bean rite nastee aboot there pals tae udder pals, jist tae coz trubble. Then ewes gets hoomans who are no nastee and udder hoomans see thiz az a weekness and pure make them oot tae bee bad peepells. Ewes do peepells a good turn but ewe dont expeckt tae bee given monee in return. Thats jizt no rite. Ewes all ken the sayin that the more ewes do fur peepells the less ewes iz appreesheeated. Well, az kens that the more sum peepells coz trubbles, the more udder peepells finks theys are grate!! Hoomans only listen wiff one eer, thats coz so much iz comin oot there bottoms!! Ewe heers sumwon iz doin rite well fur themselves, and good peepells finks 'thats pure dead brilliant'. But a lot of nastee peepells who see sumwon dane well fur themselves and finks 'thats no pure dead brilliant and az will pure boolee them until theys are no dane well fur themselves'. Noo wit iz all that aboot???
The hole hooman world haz gone pure nuts. A lot of ewes seems tae fink that if ewes are nastee ewes will get on in thiz world and bee rite liked. Well az have got noos fur all the nastee hoomans oot there. Ewes should sit doon wan day, maybees in a gardin or sumfin, and look around ewes and rememburs that if ewes cannae do sumwon a good turn, dont dae them a bad turn. Ewes are no oot of thiz world yet and az pure kens that wit goes around comes around. Like when ma Mollee eets a poo, az pure kens it will turn up again!!
Jizt rememburs, good peepells dont have tae do anyfin fur tae repay nastee peepells, one day bad fings will happin tae the nastee peepells. An wit chance diz sum dogs have in life if hoomans cannae even treet udder hoomans wiff respect? One day theys will pure come unstuck. Like two dugs who diznae play leep frog rite!!
See ma Mollee eets hur dinner an then shee pure comes an eets mine. Noo fing iz, az can eiver a) act like a bad hooman an growl and bite hur or b) az finks tae masell - ewe pure wire in Mollee, coz if shee eets too much dinner shee cannae run away fae mee when az plays leep frog wiff hur.
Ewes hoomans wunder whys wee dugs only have a short life in thiz mateereal world, well let mee tells ewes, the ansur iz staring ewes in the face.. start finkin like a dug and pure enjoy ever minit of ewer life and stop spendin ewer life bean nastee tae udder peepells, espeshallee the wons ewe fink of az ewer pals. Wees have a short life coz wees love everybuddee and wees dont do nastee fings tae wur pals behind there backs.
Moral of ma storee iz, sit back and take a good long look at wits ewes iz all aboot az hoomans, an maybee, jist maybees, if ewes start tae treet udder hoomans properlee, ewe jist mite get the chance tae come back intae this world next time az a Pedigree Lurcher and no a hooman.
Love fae big Presley the fillosifer and finker.
Love tae all ma babes xx
See noo fing iz, sum hoomans finks az am daft, but that iz jizt no the case, az am rite cliver.
Noo ewes all ken aboot the aboose sum aneemals suffer at the hands of hoomans an that iz so rang. Az finks they do thiz coz a lot of hoomans brains are located in there bums. See frum ma point of view, ma view iz usually of hoomans bums, coz az am tall, so az haz a rite good advantage an az pure sees and heers wits goin on.
Let mee explains wit az meens. Over the past foo munffs az have seen hoomans make out theys are pure good pals wiff udder hoomans. But the troof iz that sum of they hoomans are pure bean rite nastee aboot there pals tae udder pals, jist tae coz trubble. Then ewes gets hoomans who are no nastee and udder hoomans see thiz az a weekness and pure make them oot tae bee bad peepells. Ewes do peepells a good turn but ewe dont expeckt tae bee given monee in return. Thats jizt no rite. Ewes all ken the sayin that the more ewes do fur peepells the less ewes iz appreesheeated. Well, az kens that the more sum peepells coz trubbles, the more udder peepells finks theys are grate!! Hoomans only listen wiff one eer, thats coz so much iz comin oot there bottoms!! Ewe heers sumwon iz doin rite well fur themselves, and good peepells finks 'thats pure dead brilliant'. But a lot of nastee peepells who see sumwon dane well fur themselves and finks 'thats no pure dead brilliant and az will pure boolee them until theys are no dane well fur themselves'. Noo wit iz all that aboot???
The hole hooman world haz gone pure nuts. A lot of ewes seems tae fink that if ewes are nastee ewes will get on in thiz world and bee rite liked. Well az have got noos fur all the nastee hoomans oot there. Ewes should sit doon wan day, maybees in a gardin or sumfin, and look around ewes and rememburs that if ewes cannae do sumwon a good turn, dont dae them a bad turn. Ewes are no oot of thiz world yet and az pure kens that wit goes around comes around. Like when ma Mollee eets a poo, az pure kens it will turn up again!!
Jizt rememburs, good peepells dont have tae do anyfin fur tae repay nastee peepells, one day bad fings will happin tae the nastee peepells. An wit chance diz sum dogs have in life if hoomans cannae even treet udder hoomans wiff respect? One day theys will pure come unstuck. Like two dugs who diznae play leep frog rite!!
See ma Mollee eets hur dinner an then shee pure comes an eets mine. Noo fing iz, az can eiver a) act like a bad hooman an growl and bite hur or b) az finks tae masell - ewe pure wire in Mollee, coz if shee eets too much dinner shee cannae run away fae mee when az plays leep frog wiff hur.
Ewes hoomans wunder whys wee dugs only have a short life in thiz mateereal world, well let mee tells ewes, the ansur iz staring ewes in the face.. start finkin like a dug and pure enjoy ever minit of ewer life and stop spendin ewer life bean nastee tae udder peepells, espeshallee the wons ewe fink of az ewer pals. Wees have a short life coz wees love everybuddee and wees dont do nastee fings tae wur pals behind there backs.
Moral of ma storee iz, sit back and take a good long look at wits ewes iz all aboot az hoomans, an maybee, jist maybees, if ewes start tae treet udder hoomans properlee, ewe jist mite get the chance tae come back intae this world next time az a Pedigree Lurcher and no a hooman.
Love fae big Presley the fillosifer and finker.
Love tae all ma babes xx
Thursday 4 September 2008
Good noos
Hullo everyboddees,
Az wid jist like tae say that az have had rite good noos. See fing iz, az gets reeley upsets tae heer that ma babes or sum of ma pals are no well. But az wid like tae give a speshall menshon tae a foo of ma pals whos have no bin well and are noo well. Ma numbur wan babe Juno iz feelin much better noo, so thats cool. Juno iz ma feeonsees sistur, so wan dae Juno will bee ma sistur in paw. And an udder big cool dude iz Mason, who iz keepin reel well two. Am no sure if Mason iz a Mason, but oz az will say, iz that hee geed mee a rite funnee paw shake the last time az seen him. Noo he iz also a rite handsum dug, hee iz pure black and white, like wan of those horsesey wans ewes sees in the Cowboy and Ingin movees. Az finks theys are called Pintos or sumfin like that. Ma udder babe Missee, who pure lived wiff mee fur a munff, iz also keepin rite well. Az hopes that all ma babes and ma pals continewes tae keep well and if theys wid like tae come and stay wiff mee fur a holidee theys can.
Noo its no rainin hear, an az finks that iz a world record fur Lan Ark, a dry dae, so mee and Mollees are awae oot side tae noise up Diego and Dora the pigs fae next doors.
Speek soon, love tae all ma babes
Fae big Presley xxxx
Az wid jist like tae say that az have had rite good noos. See fing iz, az gets reeley upsets tae heer that ma babes or sum of ma pals are no well. But az wid like tae give a speshall menshon tae a foo of ma pals whos have no bin well and are noo well. Ma numbur wan babe Juno iz feelin much better noo, so thats cool. Juno iz ma feeonsees sistur, so wan dae Juno will bee ma sistur in paw. And an udder big cool dude iz Mason, who iz keepin reel well two. Am no sure if Mason iz a Mason, but oz az will say, iz that hee geed mee a rite funnee paw shake the last time az seen him. Noo he iz also a rite handsum dug, hee iz pure black and white, like wan of those horsesey wans ewes sees in the Cowboy and Ingin movees. Az finks theys are called Pintos or sumfin like that. Ma udder babe Missee, who pure lived wiff mee fur a munff, iz also keepin rite well. Az hopes that all ma babes and ma pals continewes tae keep well and if theys wid like tae come and stay wiff mee fur a holidee theys can.
Noo its no rainin hear, an az finks that iz a world record fur Lan Ark, a dry dae, so mee and Mollees are awae oot side tae noise up Diego and Dora the pigs fae next doors.
Speek soon, love tae all ma babes
Fae big Presley xxxx
Monday 1 September 2008
A Sossage dug!!
Noos ewe all kens wit az am like, az pure loves all udder annemals, esspesshally the babes varr eye etty. Anways, az wiz wiff ma pussee cat pals Stan and Hilda last nites in the living rooms, that wiz rite cool, coz az finks Hilda pure fancies mee. Az wiz tellin them that az wiz lookin forward tae thiz weekends coz ma Dads hooman sistur iz comin tae stay wiff uz and shee haz a dug and a cat. Theys are called Broose and Mallee or sumfin. Broose is a cat and Mallee iz a dug - a babe dug. Theys are Inglish, but az widnae hold that against thems, in fact az widnae hold anyfin against thems. LOL. LOL, fur unedducated peepells meens Lots of Love az finks. Ma Mum says it stands fur Laffin oot Loud, but am no sure aboot that. Anyways az wiz gettin masell all reddee fur Bruce and Malllees visit, az wiz cleenin oot ma bits, if ewe kens wit a meens. Like ma eers and fings. But ewes will no beeleeve it, it noo turns oot that Bruce and Malleee iz no comin tae stae wiff uz. Az wiz rite upset and az asked why theys are no cumin. Ma Mum said that ma bruvers and sisturs wid eet Broose the cat and Mallee couldnae come tae visit eiver, coz Mallee wiz a sort of Dash hound. Wit the blazzes iz a Dash hound? See ma Mollee iz a Dash hound two shee pure Dashes aroond the gerdin at 190 mph. Then az rememburs that az could look up a Dash hound on the World Wide Spiders Webb fing. OMG az couldnae beelevee wit az wiz seein. It wiz a Sossage Dug!!! Az swears tae ma sell, a dug made fae sossages. FANTASTICK. How cool iz that.
But ma Mum says thats why Mallee cannee come an visit, coz all ma bruvers and sisters pure loves sossages and that widnae bee fare on the wee dug, tae bee covered in salt and peppers, and pure eetin fur dinner. See noo, az pure widnae allow that tae happin. See az am a veggeetareean, but ma brovers and sisturs arenae.
So az will jist sit in ma prizon cell and no speek tae anybuddee, fur at leest 5 minutes. So there.
Az will let ewe kens if any dug ever iz pure aloud tae visit mee.
Love big Presley the vegggeetareean fillosifer. xxx
But ma Mum says thats why Mallee cannee come an visit, coz all ma bruvers and sisters pure loves sossages and that widnae bee fare on the wee dug, tae bee covered in salt and peppers, and pure eetin fur dinner. See noo, az pure widnae allow that tae happin. See az am a veggeetareean, but ma brovers and sisturs arenae.
So az will jist sit in ma prizon cell and no speek tae anybuddee, fur at leest 5 minutes. So there.
Az will let ewe kens if any dug ever iz pure aloud tae visit mee.
Love big Presley the vegggeetareean fillosifer. xxx
Sunday 31 August 2008
Wit a load of Bool
Az haz bin so bizzee wiff doin udder fings az haz no had a chance tae speek tae ewes, but pure loads haz happined tae mee. Az haznae stopped laffin fur ages and noo az haz belly ake. See wit happined wiz thiz. Ma Mum pure got her hair all dun rite nice fur tae go tae work - az diznae ken wit all that iz aboot, ah meen, its not like anybuddee reeelee cares. Anyways, off shee pure goes and iz like drivin doon the road dane hur Rhoda in hur Skoda impersunashon. Next fing she sees sum coos, then shee pure looked again and seen udders. There wiz aboot 200 of them walkin doon a lane towards the road. Noo see, fing iz, ma Mum wiz rite worried that theys wid bee hurted by a car or a lorree, so shee stops and sees a lite on in a hoose. Shee drove up tae the hoose and an old wumin opened the door. Ma Mum telt hur that she had seen a coo and sum udders walkin doon the lane. The poor wumin neerlee had a pure hart attack and ran fae hur hoose, followed in hot purrsoot by ma Mum. It turns oot that thiz wumin wiz the mother of the fermer who owned the coos. Ma Mum felt rite sorree fur the wumin coz shee wiz aboot 90 yeers old. The wumin that iz, no ma Mum - az finks ma Mum iz only 80 sumfin. Anyways, ma Mum pure runs doon the hill tae the lane and stopped the traffick, befour any coos got hit. Then shee pure gives it hur best impersunatshun of Farmer Giles, and shouts at the coos Shoe, Shoe, and they pure stared at hur like she wiz a nut job! Noo ma Mum iz no wan tae bee intimmadated buy a load of coos, so shee walked rite up tae them and says shoe ya daft moo. Cool eh? Noo ma Mum finks they kent shee wiz an undertaker coz they pure ran back intae there feeld. But az finks ma Mum jizt got two close and pure frightened the life oot of them wae a face like hurs an it wiz rainin so ma Mums hare wiz all over the place buy noo . The wee auld wumin fanked ma Mum fur awe hur help and ma Mum says, az didnae fink it wiz rite fur coos tae bee walkin doon tae the road. An the auld wumin said, theys iz no coos, theys iz bools!! Well the look on ma Mums face wiz pure dead brilliant, man az fots shee had seen a ghost. Bools, Bools, that iz so pure funnee. Well it wid have bin if ma Mum hud bin wearin a red jacket. So the moral of ma storee iz thiz. If ewes sees coos walkin doon the road, jizt remembur tae look underneef them, coz theys may be the udder kind of coo - a Bool.
Mee and Mollee iz still laffin coz ma Mum diznae ken a coo fae a Bool!!
Love tae all ma babes, and espeshally ma babe Rag who haz pure quallified fae Crufts again.
Love fae Big Presley the fillosifer. xx
Mee and Mollee iz still laffin coz ma Mum diznae ken a coo fae a Bool!!
Love tae all ma babes, and espeshally ma babe Rag who haz pure quallified fae Crufts again.
Love fae Big Presley the fillosifer. xx
Saturday 23 August 2008
Hullo its Meee az iz back wiff avengence!!
Deer all ma babes
Az iz reelee sorree az haz no bin around tae post, az wiz spendin two mutch time on an udder website lookin at picktoors of all ma babes. Az haz left that noo tae consintrate on ma ane fings an az haz noo got ma ane fotos tae look at. That iz pure dead cool.
Az haz had a grate time over the past 6 monffs, seein ma babes and meetin noo babes. But ma all times favrite fing iz goin tae visit ma Antee Noras at the seeside. See shee iz mum tae ma Feeeonsee Rag. Yip its troo, az swears tae masell, az haz got engaged and a prettier babe ewes will no see. Lots of rite nice fings haz happin tae mee and az will tells ewes all wit theys are and az will tells ewes how ma noo babee bruver iz dane. Yip its troo, az swears tae masell az haz a noo babee bruver, well see, hees no a reel bruver, hee iz like a quarter bruver, coz hee iz a canaeree. Hee iz rite cool, and az finks Ollee wur cat fancees him, coz Ollee pure sits all days lookin at him, like az diz wiff ma fotos of ma babes. Sum sad fings have happined tae mee two, but az diznae like tae bover two mutch aboot sad fings, coz they make mee sad. So maybees az will no bover tellin ewes any sad stuff, coz that will makes ewes sad two.
Anyways, az iz back and az iz lookin forwards tae tellin ewes all aboot ma rite happeee life hear at the open prizon in Lan Ark.
Love tae all ma babes, and if ewes wid like a date wiff mee, pleese emails mee and az will telt ewe wit buz tae take tae the prizon.
Love Presley the King and Fillosifur. xxx
Az iz reelee sorree az haz no bin around tae post, az wiz spendin two mutch time on an udder website lookin at picktoors of all ma babes. Az haz left that noo tae consintrate on ma ane fings an az haz noo got ma ane fotos tae look at. That iz pure dead cool.
Az haz had a grate time over the past 6 monffs, seein ma babes and meetin noo babes. But ma all times favrite fing iz goin tae visit ma Antee Noras at the seeside. See shee iz mum tae ma Feeeonsee Rag. Yip its troo, az swears tae masell, az haz got engaged and a prettier babe ewes will no see. Lots of rite nice fings haz happin tae mee and az will tells ewes all wit theys are and az will tells ewes how ma noo babee bruver iz dane. Yip its troo, az swears tae masell az haz a noo babee bruver, well see, hees no a reel bruver, hee iz like a quarter bruver, coz hee iz a canaeree. Hee iz rite cool, and az finks Ollee wur cat fancees him, coz Ollee pure sits all days lookin at him, like az diz wiff ma fotos of ma babes. Sum sad fings have happined tae mee two, but az diznae like tae bover two mutch aboot sad fings, coz they make mee sad. So maybees az will no bover tellin ewes any sad stuff, coz that will makes ewes sad two.
Anyways, az iz back and az iz lookin forwards tae tellin ewes all aboot ma rite happeee life hear at the open prizon in Lan Ark.
Love tae all ma babes, and if ewes wid like a date wiff mee, pleese emails mee and az will telt ewe wit buz tae take tae the prizon.
Love Presley the King and Fillosifur. xxx
Sunday 20 January 2008
Day Release
Hullo all ma fans, az bets ewes haz been missin me, well az iz back! Az haz been pure dead buzy rightin ma book. Todays though ah decides tae take a day aff fae rightin and az went on a walk wae some of ma beetches and some of ma hetro sexually challenged pals. See az wiz going tae write that theys were gay, but not all of thems are, some are pure right grumpy sometimes. Anyways aff me and ma Molls went tae a right far place in the pet hearse, az finks it wiz aboot 397 miles tae get there and aboot 3 miles tae come hame. Az meets up wae sum of ma old pals, but az wiz right sad that ma best pal Toby McKay wiznae there.
Well aw ma udder pals wiz there, Spooky caspur the sexually challenged wan, and hiz new boyfriend Ruben!! Ruben, wit kind of name is that?? If ma Molls wets on the carpet, az heers ma Mum shout, az haz bin 'ruben' this fur ages and the stain still haznae cum oot.
Then there wiz an udder big guy there called John, az finks az will call him Jonny, coz wees were on a walk and az kens some wan else called Johnny Walker. Noo ma pal Jonny, had hiz cells mates wae him and they wurs called Toots and Lassie. No the Lassie fae the telly mind, in fact, if shees wiz Lassie, shees wid be oot a job, coz she wiz sufferin from that wumins fing and shees wiz right narky wae the boys, butt she pure dead like mee.
Ewes will no believe wit happened tae mees. Az does what a King haz dae do, and coz az didnae huv ma Minder big mac wae me or ma heed of security Ikea, az decided that az should show ma beetches that az wiz a right proper gentledug and cover ma pee. But az swears tae masell, az a did thiz az fot a had dropped ma bling...wan of the Kings crown jewells, so az pure dead quickly bent doon tae pick it up wiffoot them seeins mee. But oz ah hears is awe the prison guards right laffin, coz theys finks az fell. Noo if ewes heers az fells, that iz jist no true.
Az iz pure right tired the nite, so az iz aff fur ma handsome sleep. Az will be back soon.
Love tae awe ma beetches.
Big Presley the King. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Well aw ma udder pals wiz there, Spooky caspur the sexually challenged wan, and hiz new boyfriend Ruben!! Ruben, wit kind of name is that?? If ma Molls wets on the carpet, az heers ma Mum shout, az haz bin 'ruben' this fur ages and the stain still haznae cum oot.
Then there wiz an udder big guy there called John, az finks az will call him Jonny, coz wees were on a walk and az kens some wan else called Johnny Walker. Noo ma pal Jonny, had hiz cells mates wae him and they wurs called Toots and Lassie. No the Lassie fae the telly mind, in fact, if shees wiz Lassie, shees wid be oot a job, coz she wiz sufferin from that wumins fing and shees wiz right narky wae the boys, butt she pure dead like mee.
Ewes will no believe wit happened tae mees. Az does what a King haz dae do, and coz az didnae huv ma Minder big mac wae me or ma heed of security Ikea, az decided that az should show ma beetches that az wiz a right proper gentledug and cover ma pee. But az swears tae masell, az a did thiz az fot a had dropped ma bling...wan of the Kings crown jewells, so az pure dead quickly bent doon tae pick it up wiffoot them seeins mee. But oz ah hears is awe the prison guards right laffin, coz theys finks az fell. Noo if ewes heers az fells, that iz jist no true.
Az iz pure right tired the nite, so az iz aff fur ma handsome sleep. Az will be back soon.
Love tae awe ma beetches.
Big Presley the King. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Wednesday 9 January 2008
Az haz a new hero
Az ewes will ken az haz been lookin fur a way oot of the open prison here in Lan Ark fur pure dead ages noo, but az haz no been very good at it. Well except that wan day that me and ma Molls took the bus tae visit ma Aunty Rachels and wees had tae come back coz az had forgotten ma Tiger.
Az iz always lookin fur ways tae eescape ma prison, coz wees is all lifers in here, and ma favorit film is the Great Eescape. Well only the wans that does gets to escapes, no the wans that gets themsells cot. Noo although wees are all lifers in this open prison, wees iz no on deaf row, so that iz a right bonus fur uz, coz wees can hear, so maybees wees are on hears row. But check oot yon Kenny Rich, wit iz he awe aboot. Theys Americans were aboot tae put him in wan of they electric chair fings, but wan hoor before, theys finks that maybees hees should get an udder chance. Noo there wiz only wan good fing aboot that, coz he wid have got a right nice meal that night, but the right bad fing iz, he didnae get a chance tae play leap frog wae any beetches. Anyways, az haz herd that hees haz eescaped and ewes will no beeleeve this but hees haz only gone and eescaped tae Scotland, the very place wees is tryin tae eescape fae.
Noo wit iz awe that aboot? Az iz noo finkin that if somewan wid rather bee here in Scotland than be in wan of they deaf row places, then maybees me and Ma Molls haz maybees got a good life. Az finks az will need tae re considur eescapin fae this prison.
Big Presley haz left the study tae work oot a plan tae stay at the open prison in Lan Ark. x
Az iz always lookin fur ways tae eescape ma prison, coz wees is all lifers in here, and ma favorit film is the Great Eescape. Well only the wans that does gets to escapes, no the wans that gets themsells cot. Noo although wees are all lifers in this open prison, wees iz no on deaf row, so that iz a right bonus fur uz, coz wees can hear, so maybees wees are on hears row. But check oot yon Kenny Rich, wit iz he awe aboot. Theys Americans were aboot tae put him in wan of they electric chair fings, but wan hoor before, theys finks that maybees hees should get an udder chance. Noo there wiz only wan good fing aboot that, coz he wid have got a right nice meal that night, but the right bad fing iz, he didnae get a chance tae play leap frog wae any beetches. Anyways, az haz herd that hees haz eescaped and ewes will no beeleeve this but hees haz only gone and eescaped tae Scotland, the very place wees is tryin tae eescape fae.
Noo wit iz awe that aboot? Az iz noo finkin that if somewan wid rather bee here in Scotland than be in wan of they deaf row places, then maybees me and Ma Molls haz maybees got a good life. Az finks az will need tae re considur eescapin fae this prison.
Big Presley haz left the study tae work oot a plan tae stay at the open prison in Lan Ark. x
Tuesday 8 January 2008
The Kings Real Birffday
Remembrin the King, its hiz birfday - ma pal Elviz the Pelviz Presley. Today wiz the day Elviz the Pelviz wiz born back in 1935, so ah fink he wid huv been 730 yrs old today. Thats right cool eh? Noo az diznae kens wit happened the night he died, but az have a Suspicious Mind and az finks he jist finally managed tae eescape fae all the fans, or fannees az ma pal big Ivy calls them. Noo az kens ewes iz finkin that az am jist nofin but a Hound Dog, makin up stories, but az haz read aboot the night he died and az kens it diznae add up.
See thiz iz wit happened. Elviz wiz a right joker and wan night he entered a competition fur an Elivz 'look a like', and dae ewes ken wit happened, he didnae win it, az swears tae masell, he came furd. That wiz so funnee, ma Molls loves that story. And did ewes ken that ma pal
Elviz the Pelvis wiz a drug enforcement officer, that is right troo tae, coz it wiz yon bampot President Nixon that swore him in az wan on the 21 Dezember 1970 . And az haz seen the picktoors tae. Noo az kens that ma pal Elviz liked his buggers, double wans wae cheeze on thems tae, and az kens he could have dane wae a run aroond ma exercise yerd, but az diznae finks that he died coz he eight wan bugger too many. Ma feery on his deaf is thiz. Az finks he got up wan mornin and tells hiz pals he hud enuff of the fannees and wiz goin tae disappear fur a while. So he dresses himsell up as Elvis the singer and aff he goes. Noo az finks he telt hiz pals tae tell everywan that he wiz deed, so that theys widnae go lookin fur him. And theys fot it wid be pure dead funny tae say he died dane a poo on the loo. But then a right bad accident happened oot side Greysland. Two wumin wur kilt by a car. Noo Elviz couldnae very well come back and say, az wiz only jokin, az did no die dane a poo in the loo. And az swears tae masell that still tae thiz day Priscilla still talks aboot him likes hees is still aroond. Only last year she went and says 'Elviz loves watchin football'. Noo she wiznae talkin aboot me, coz az likes playin football and ewes wid think that 29yrs doon the line fae hiz poo in the loo deaf, that she wid ken tae talk aboot him in the past tense. Even az kens that. Hees is deed 30yrs noo and his father said that wees wid find oot the troof aboot Elviz 50years efter his father died. Thats a right long time tae wait. Az finks theys should come clean noo and telt uz the troof, coz az wid hate tae fink that az wiznae the only Presley the King still kickin aboot. And az finks that az seen him near oor open prison here in Lan Ark. Hees will probably be spyin on mees coz az iz the new King, az iz Elvis the Pedigree Lurcher, and hees will want tae see awe ma beetches. Well az iz no sharein ma beetches wae him, coz theys are awe mine and az will always Love then right Tender.
So az hopes hees haz a happy birffday where ever hees iz, but its no ma birfday so az iz no bovered.
Elvis the King haz left the study, hees iz takin care of business in the exercise yerd, checkin that no wan is spyin on him dane a poo.
See thiz iz wit happened. Elviz wiz a right joker and wan night he entered a competition fur an Elivz 'look a like', and dae ewes ken wit happened, he didnae win it, az swears tae masell, he came furd. That wiz so funnee, ma Molls loves that story. And did ewes ken that ma pal
Elviz the Pelvis wiz a drug enforcement officer, that is right troo tae, coz it wiz yon bampot President Nixon that swore him in az wan on the 21 Dezember 1970 . And az haz seen the picktoors tae. Noo az kens that ma pal Elviz liked his buggers, double wans wae cheeze on thems tae, and az kens he could have dane wae a run aroond ma exercise yerd, but az diznae finks that he died coz he eight wan bugger too many. Ma feery on his deaf is thiz. Az finks he got up wan mornin and tells hiz pals he hud enuff of the fannees and wiz goin tae disappear fur a while. So he dresses himsell up as Elvis the singer and aff he goes. Noo az finks he telt hiz pals tae tell everywan that he wiz deed, so that theys widnae go lookin fur him. And theys fot it wid be pure dead funny tae say he died dane a poo on the loo. But then a right bad accident happened oot side Greysland. Two wumin wur kilt by a car. Noo Elviz couldnae very well come back and say, az wiz only jokin, az did no die dane a poo in the loo. And az swears tae masell that still tae thiz day Priscilla still talks aboot him likes hees is still aroond. Only last year she went and says 'Elviz loves watchin football'. Noo she wiznae talkin aboot me, coz az likes playin football and ewes wid think that 29yrs doon the line fae hiz poo in the loo deaf, that she wid ken tae talk aboot him in the past tense. Even az kens that. Hees is deed 30yrs noo and his father said that wees wid find oot the troof aboot Elviz 50years efter his father died. Thats a right long time tae wait. Az finks theys should come clean noo and telt uz the troof, coz az wid hate tae fink that az wiznae the only Presley the King still kickin aboot. And az finks that az seen him near oor open prison here in Lan Ark. Hees will probably be spyin on mees coz az iz the new King, az iz Elvis the Pedigree Lurcher, and hees will want tae see awe ma beetches. Well az iz no sharein ma beetches wae him, coz theys are awe mine and az will always Love then right Tender.
So az hopes hees haz a happy birffday where ever hees iz, but its no ma birfday so az iz no bovered.
Elvis the King haz left the study, hees iz takin care of business in the exercise yerd, checkin that no wan is spyin on him dane a poo.
Saturday 5 January 2008
Wellcum tae 2008
Hulo all ewes oot there and az wants tae wish awe ewes a Happy New Years! Noo az haz hud a problem gettin on tae a compootar, tae gee ewes ma pre-dick-shons, coz az haz been on wan of they freeky retreet fings. Az wiz finking that az wid tells ewes awe aboot ma retreet fing coz az finks it wiz dead cool. See wit happened wiz thiz. Az wiz looking on ma compootar, surfin the web in ma Speedos, and az finds oot that lots of plonkers take time oot tae go tae a retreet tae find themsells. Az finks that iz so cool, so if ewes gets lost, oz ewe need tae dae do is go tae wan of they retreet fings and hey presto, there ewer are, ewes find yersell.
Noo ma bouncer pal big Mac wiz aff fur the Kissmass holidays, he didnae go far, he jist kinda stayed at hame in his cell, playin wae himsell. Noo that meant that me an Ma Molls couldnae go oot in publik, coz a wid have been pure dead mobbed by the mob of ma fans. Ma pal big Ivy calls ma fans the fannees, coz there is so many of them. So az didnae ken wit az wiz going tae do wae ma time aff at New Yeers, so az fot it wid be cool tae go tae a retreet. Az packs my back pack and off a went. Well I didnae get very far coz a didnae ken wit bus took me tae the retreet, so right away az wiz lost and in the position of tryin tae find masell and az hudnae even left the prison. Thats jist goes tae prove that they retreet fings really work and nae wonder ewes have tae find yersells coz it disnae take much tae get lost and confoosed. So aff az goes and retreets tae ma bed. Cool eh?
Right az iz no wantin ewes tae laff at me coz az gets masell lost in ma ane prison, coz sumfin else happened. Ma Aunty Rachels who lives right near me, well aboot 248 miles away. Well she said ah could go and stay wae hur and ma Unkill Eddee. Az checked how much pocket money ah had in ma Big Boys Toy Fund and az hud 23 and a half pence, plus 5 Euros fur ma bus fare. So az packs ma back pack again and aff az goes tae ma Aunty Rachels. No wit happened wiz thiz. Az had packed awe ma best fings. Az packed ma Speedos (fur sufrin the net), ma half eaten bugger fae Santa Coz, ma new serious bling and ma Molls. Az pits ma Molls in ma back pack coz wees didnae huv eenuff pocket money fur 2 bus fares. When wees were on the bus, me and Molls wur pure dead happy, and az wiz tellin ma Molls about awe the right nice feelds and fings wees wur drivin past, coz she wiz still in the back pack. Then a remembers az hud left ma Tiger at hame. Noo az canny go anywhere wayoot ma Tiger, so wees hud tae get back aff the bus and go back hame. Az didnae have eenuff money tae get back tae the prison, and the bus driver flung me aff 2 stops early and wees had tae walk awe the way back. Az iz noo going tae huff tae save up mare pocket money so that me and ma Molls can go and visit ma Aunty Rachel.
Az iz away off tae clear the patio of Wizzy poos, so that az will get pocket money. Big presley haz left the study tae eat mare poo, nae wonder he talks such poo.
Aw ra best fur 2008 tae awe ma beetches. Love fae Big Presley the Pedigree Lurcher. xx
Noo ma bouncer pal big Mac wiz aff fur the Kissmass holidays, he didnae go far, he jist kinda stayed at hame in his cell, playin wae himsell. Noo that meant that me an Ma Molls couldnae go oot in publik, coz a wid have been pure dead mobbed by the mob of ma fans. Ma pal big Ivy calls ma fans the fannees, coz there is so many of them. So az didnae ken wit az wiz going tae do wae ma time aff at New Yeers, so az fot it wid be cool tae go tae a retreet. Az packs my back pack and off a went. Well I didnae get very far coz a didnae ken wit bus took me tae the retreet, so right away az wiz lost and in the position of tryin tae find masell and az hudnae even left the prison. Thats jist goes tae prove that they retreet fings really work and nae wonder ewes have tae find yersells coz it disnae take much tae get lost and confoosed. So aff az goes and retreets tae ma bed. Cool eh?
Right az iz no wantin ewes tae laff at me coz az gets masell lost in ma ane prison, coz sumfin else happened. Ma Aunty Rachels who lives right near me, well aboot 248 miles away. Well she said ah could go and stay wae hur and ma Unkill Eddee. Az checked how much pocket money ah had in ma Big Boys Toy Fund and az hud 23 and a half pence, plus 5 Euros fur ma bus fare. So az packs ma back pack again and aff az goes tae ma Aunty Rachels. No wit happened wiz thiz. Az had packed awe ma best fings. Az packed ma Speedos (fur sufrin the net), ma half eaten bugger fae Santa Coz, ma new serious bling and ma Molls. Az pits ma Molls in ma back pack coz wees didnae huv eenuff pocket money fur 2 bus fares. When wees were on the bus, me and Molls wur pure dead happy, and az wiz tellin ma Molls about awe the right nice feelds and fings wees wur drivin past, coz she wiz still in the back pack. Then a remembers az hud left ma Tiger at hame. Noo az canny go anywhere wayoot ma Tiger, so wees hud tae get back aff the bus and go back hame. Az didnae have eenuff money tae get back tae the prison, and the bus driver flung me aff 2 stops early and wees had tae walk awe the way back. Az iz noo going tae huff tae save up mare pocket money so that me and ma Molls can go and visit ma Aunty Rachel.
Az iz away off tae clear the patio of Wizzy poos, so that az will get pocket money. Big presley haz left the study tae eat mare poo, nae wonder he talks such poo.
Aw ra best fur 2008 tae awe ma beetches. Love fae Big Presley the Pedigree Lurcher. xx
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