2 out of Free anit bad.

Hullo ewes, noo az am goin tae tell ewes a pure rite funnee storee and az swears tae masell it is the troof. See wit happined wiz thiz. Rememburs az telt ewes that ma Dad pure took his car fur a bit of off road drivin a foo weeks ago only trubble wiz that wees didnae have an off road car.
Anyways, ma Mum bott a noo car the udder day. Its wan of they rite fancee cars call a turbos and it can go frum 0-6 mph, if ewe gee it a good poosh and it can day 0-60 mph frew the feelds wae ma Dad at the wheel playin rolly polly wiff it. Noo ewes will all ken that bad lucks always cums in free's, and last nite it wiz akcident numbur two. Wit happined wiz thiz. Ma Mum wiz goin tae collect ma hooman neese and neffewe, and fankfoolee she didnae have any deed pets in hur car. So shee wiz sittin in the car at the traffick lites, when she looks in hur rear view mirror and seen a bum. Noo thiz bum wiz like drivin too fast and hee pure couldnae stop in times, so hee used ma Mums car az a batterin ram fur tae stop.
Ma Mums heed wiz pure flung rite hard against the heed fing and she said it pure hurted. Next fing ma Mum herd syreens and ewes will no beeleeve wit happined next. Free polis cars, two amboolances and a docktur on a motorbike turned up. Theys took ma Mum into the amboolance and pure felt hur all over hur heed. Az finks shee liked that coz the paramedic man wiz rite handsum. So wiff that in mind, ma Mum pure pooshed hur luck and telt him that shee wiz hurtin in udder rude places so that hee wid sees to them bits two. But dont tell ma Dad that bit.
Anyways, then the poliss man says tae ma Mum have ewe bin drinkin, and ma Mum says eye az haz!!! Shee says, az had a cup of coffeee befour az left the hoose. The poliss man then says blow intae thiz fing. Az swears tae masell hee pure did. But its not wit ewes are finking. It wiz a breffaliser. Ma Mum says az haz pure seen thiz on the tellys so az ken wit az haz tae do. Ewe will no guess wit happined next. The fing wiznae working! S..... a brick!! Ma Mum wiz pure rite dizzapointed she wiznae aloud tae blow intae the mans fing.
Noo fing iz, peepells had pure laffed at ma Mum fur bye in Skodas, but it pure saved ma Dads lifes and this time the udder car pure saved ma Mums lifes. The Polliss man couldnt believe how little damage wiz done tae ma Mums car considerins how fast the man in the udder car hit hur, so noo all the Polliss are going tae bye Skodas. Noo fur anybuddee that haz pure laffed at ma Mum and called hur crazee, jist rememburs the Skoda storee......, shee is no az daft as shee wid like ewes tae fink shee iz!
Hur heed wiznae hurted coz ewe canny hurt wood, but wee's will need tae get wur car tae the garage tae bee fixed, coz that wiznae made of wood.
That iz ma pure troo storee fur todays. So have a nice days an az will have a nice day two.
Love fae Presley the King.