Remembrin the King, its hiz birfday - ma pal Elviz the Pelviz Presley. Today wiz the day Elviz the Pelviz wiz born back in 1935, so ah fink he wid huv been 730 yrs old today. Thats right cool eh? Noo az diznae kens wit happened the night he died, but az have a Suspicious Mind and az finks he jist finally managed tae eescape fae all the fans, or fannees az ma pal big Ivy calls them. Noo az kens ewes iz finkin that az am jist nofin but a Hound Dog, makin up stories, but az haz read aboot the night he died and az kens it diznae add up.
See thiz iz wit happened. Elviz wiz a right joker and wan night he entered a competition fur an Elivz 'look a like', and dae ewes ken wit happened, he didnae win it, az swears tae masell, he came furd. That wiz so funnee, ma Molls loves that story. And did ewes ken that ma pal
Elviz the Pelvis wiz a drug enforcement officer, that is right troo tae, coz it wiz yon bampot President Nixon that swore him in az wan on the 21 Dezember 1970 . And az haz seen the picktoors tae. Noo az kens that ma pal Elviz liked his buggers, double wans wae cheeze on thems tae, and az kens he could have dane wae a run aroond ma exercise yerd, but az diznae finks that he died coz he eight wan bugger too many. Ma feery on his deaf is thiz. Az finks he got up wan mornin and tells hiz pals he hud enuff of the fannees and wiz goin tae disappear fur a while. So he dresses himsell up as Elvis the singer and aff he goes. Noo az finks he telt hiz pals tae tell everywan that he wiz deed, so that theys widnae go lookin fur him. And theys fot it wid be pure dead funny tae say he died dane a poo on the loo. But then a right bad accident happened oot side Greysland. Two wumin wur kilt by a car. Noo Elviz couldnae very well come back and say, az wiz only jokin, az did no die dane a poo in the loo. And az swears tae masell that still tae thiz day Priscilla still talks aboot him likes hees is still aroond. Only last year she went and says 'Elviz loves watchin football'. Noo she wiznae talkin aboot me, coz az likes playin football and ewes wid think that 29yrs doon the line fae hiz poo in the loo deaf, that she wid ken tae talk aboot him in the past tense. Even az kens that. Hees is deed 30yrs noo and his father said that wees wid find oot the troof aboot Elviz 50years efter his father died. Thats a right long time tae wait. Az finks theys should come clean noo and telt uz the troof, coz az wid hate tae fink that az wiznae the only Presley the King still kickin aboot. And az finks that az seen him near oor open prison here in Lan Ark. Hees will probably be spyin on mees coz az iz the new King, az iz Elvis the Pedigree Lurcher, and hees will want tae see awe ma beetches. Well az iz no sharein ma beetches wae him, coz theys are awe mine and az will always Love then right Tender.
So az hopes hees haz a happy birffday where ever hees iz, but its no ma birfday so az iz no bovered.
Elvis the King haz left the study, hees iz takin care of business in the exercise yerd, checkin that no wan is spyin on him dane a poo.
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