Hulo all ewes oot there and az wants tae wish awe ewes a Happy New Years! Noo az haz hud a problem gettin on tae a compootar, tae gee ewes ma pre-dick-shons, coz az haz been on wan of they freeky retreet fings. Az wiz finking that az wid tells ewes awe aboot ma retreet fing coz az finks it wiz dead cool. See wit happened wiz thiz. Az wiz looking on ma compootar, surfin the web in ma Speedos, and az finds oot that lots of plonkers take time oot tae go tae a retreet tae find themsells. Az finks that iz so cool, so if ewes gets lost, oz ewe need tae dae do is go tae wan of they retreet fings and hey presto, there ewer are, ewes find yersell.
Noo ma bouncer pal big Mac wiz aff fur the Kissmass holidays, he didnae go far, he jist kinda stayed at hame in his cell, playin wae himsell. Noo that meant that me an Ma Molls couldnae go oot in publik, coz a wid have been pure dead mobbed by the mob of ma fans. Ma pal big Ivy calls ma fans the fannees, coz there is so many of them. So az didnae ken wit az wiz going tae do wae ma time aff at New Yeers, so az fot it wid be cool tae go tae a retreet. Az packs my back pack and off a went. Well I didnae get very far coz a didnae ken wit bus took me tae the retreet, so right away az wiz lost and in the position of tryin tae find masell and az hudnae even left the prison. Thats jist goes tae prove that they retreet fings really work and nae wonder ewes have tae find yersells coz it disnae take much tae get lost and confoosed. So aff az goes and retreets tae ma bed. Cool eh?
Right az iz no wantin ewes tae laff at me coz az gets masell lost in ma ane prison, coz sumfin else happened. Ma Aunty Rachels who lives right near me, well aboot 248 miles away. Well she said ah could go and stay wae hur and ma Unkill Eddee. Az checked how much pocket money ah had in ma Big Boys Toy Fund and az hud 23 and a half pence, plus 5 Euros fur ma bus fare. So az packs ma back pack again and aff az goes tae ma Aunty Rachels. No wit happened wiz thiz. Az had packed awe ma best fings. Az packed ma Speedos (fur sufrin the net), ma half eaten bugger fae Santa Coz, ma new serious bling and ma Molls. Az pits ma Molls in ma back pack coz wees didnae huv eenuff pocket money fur 2 bus fares. When wees were on the bus, me and Molls wur pure dead happy, and az wiz tellin ma Molls about awe the right nice feelds and fings wees wur drivin past, coz she wiz still in the back pack. Then a remembers az hud left ma Tiger at hame. Noo az canny go anywhere wayoot ma Tiger, so wees hud tae get back aff the bus and go back hame. Az didnae have eenuff money tae get back tae the prison, and the bus driver flung me aff 2 stops early and wees had tae walk awe the way back. Az iz noo going tae huff tae save up mare pocket money so that me and ma Molls can go and visit ma Aunty Rachel.
Az iz away off tae clear the patio of Wizzy poos, so that az will get pocket money. Big presley haz left the study tae eat mare poo, nae wonder he talks such poo.
Aw ra best fur 2008 tae awe ma beetches. Love fae Big Presley the Pedigree Lurcher. xx
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