Hullo all ewes oot there, its mee hear big Presley, ah have a funnee storee two tells ewes all and ah swears its the troof. Noo thiz iz called a Sen-aree-oh, fur unedoocated peepells that meens ah will gives ewes a sitooashon and ewes can fink aboot the ansur. Noo, what if ah suggested two ewes that ewe worked 24 hoors a day, 7 days a weak, every single day of the hole yeer. Noo wate wan minit am no finished yet! If that wiznae bad eenuff, wit if ah said two ewes that ewes have tae day this fur the love of workin and ewes widnae get paid fur doing it. Well, ah fink ewes wid say tae mee 'Presley ewe is pure off ewer nut man, wees iz no workin fur nuffin'. See ah fot that is wit ewes wid say. So could someone, pleese tell ma Mum that, coz if shee keeps workin fur nuffin, mee and Mollee will soon bee homeless and wee will end up on the street dane a can collectshon tipe fing tae get monee fur wur dinner.
See, sum of ewes ken that ma Mum iz an Undertaker, a speshall one fur pets. Noo fing iz she started this business cos, 4 yeers ago she paid £200 fur hur dog Kaz tae have his neck broken, bee flung in a bag, a tag flung on him, flung in a van, then flung in freezer and his ashes returned tae her (ok hur naybur, coz they made a mistake), 10 days later - but thats no wit shee wanted fur him, but thats who hur vet recommended and they said Kaz wid bee well looked efter - eye very good - how mutch did the vet get paid fur that!! Noo fing iz thiz, the peepells that did that back then are still pure crematin dugs and cats all over the place. Ma Mum fot that wiz reelee rong tae day that tae pets, so shee became an Undertaker fur tae do the job properlee. Fing is, its no cheep tae creemate a pet, espeshally coz ma Mum drives wiff only wan pet to Engerland and its only wan pet that is creemated at wan time, and she pure goes back tae the family usuallee wiffin about 6 hours efter the creemashon. Sum times ma Mum can work fur 14 hours in wan dae, witch is a lot, coz mee and Mollee is sumtimes in bed when shee comes home. So fing is, peepells have tae ask themselves if theys kens someone who can acktooalee dae the same job as ma Mum and bee cheeper, its imposseebell. Let mee gee ewes an exampells: if ewes want tae bye a Diamond, ewe can get the reel fing, or ewe can buy a fing called a Diamontay. Noo they may both look similars, but they are anyfin butt.
Ah cannee beeleeve how fick ma Mum iz, so if ewes see a rite handsum Pedigree Lurcher and a little Greyhound sitting wiff an old wumin in Argyle Street or Princess Street, wid ewes pleese spare us sum monee fur wur dinner. Am away tae have a wurd wiff ma Mum aboot hur biziness, just called me Allan Sugar Presley xxx
Tuesday, 31 March 2009
Saturday, 28 March 2009
Fly Me to Dunoon!
Hullo all ewes oot there, am rite pleesed ewe all liked ma Fillosifers Guide, and for all ewes that didnae, well thats jist tuff. Some of ewes asked mee if ah wid rite 'Presleys the Fillosifers Guide Fur Hoomans', coz am so smart, but ah fink ewe is confoosin mee wiff the udder grate fillosifer Pluto the dog, or wiz that Plato, am no soor. But hear iz a foo for ma fannees.
Noo ewes all ken that ah live everydae as though it is ma last, this is coz wan dae it will bee!
If ewe dont want anyone tae get on ewer goat, don't tell anywan where ewe tied it up!
Wise men niver play leep frog wiff a Unicorn!
A man who sleeps on a bed of nales is a hollee man!
Men who smoke pot, choke on the handell!
Bootee is onlee a lite switch away!
Men who eet toast in bed get a crummee sleep!
and finallee...one mare,
Man who runs behind car or caravan, gets exhausted!
witch leeds mee on tae ma storee fur todae......
Ah wiz eeree wiggin (fur unedoocated peepells that meens - listenin tae wits noffin tae dae wiff mee), and herd ma Mum tell ma Dad a rite troo storee that happined todaes when ma Mum wiz comin home fae work in Engerland. Noo, fing iz mee and Mollee fot this wiz reel funnee, but ma Mum didnae, coz shee hasnae got a sense of hoomur. Ma Mum wiz on the M6 (no tae bee confoosed wiff MI6), at junckshon 44 heading Norff, and shee seen, comin Souff, a car and beehind the car wiz a caravan. Nexx fing, the caravan pure overtook the car! Ah swears tae masell that iz the troof! Noo fing iz ma Mollee started tae giggle like she does, but ah wanted tae ken who wiz pure driving the caravan - coz am a finker! But ah found oot later that naebuddee wiz drivin the caravan, it jist pure went itsell. Next fing the car, pooled on tae the hard shoulder of the motorwae, but the caravan carried on, dane aboot 90 mph. How cool iz that?? Ah fink the caravan wiz in a hurree tae get tae where it wiz going. But nexx fing, Wham, Bam, and the caravan pure crashed into the reservation. Noo, ah didnae ken they had Ingin Reservations on a Motorway, but thats wit ma Mum said, so who am ah too argoo? Mee and Mollee wur pure laffin bye now, but ma Mum wiz pure upset and sad fur the man, coz ma Mum used tae have a caravan, so she kens how eezee it can happin. Then Mollee wiz sad coz Mum wiz sad.
So tae cheer ma Mollee up, ah telt hur, that it will bee summer times twomorrow and ah telt hur the storee aboot Humptee Dumptee.
Humptee Dumptee had a grate fall, efter a poor summer! Mollee didnae laff at that wan, so ah jist sung a song tae hur. Ah pure likes that song by Francs Sinnatras called Fly Mee two Dunoon.
Everytime ah heers that song ah fink of ma Antee Karen who lives there wiff hur babes.
Am lookin forward tae gettin ma dinner wan hour earlee tomorrows!
Love fae big Presley the King. xxxxxxxxxxx
Noo ewes all ken that ah live everydae as though it is ma last, this is coz wan dae it will bee!
If ewe dont want anyone tae get on ewer goat, don't tell anywan where ewe tied it up!
Wise men niver play leep frog wiff a Unicorn!
A man who sleeps on a bed of nales is a hollee man!
Men who smoke pot, choke on the handell!
Bootee is onlee a lite switch away!
Men who eet toast in bed get a crummee sleep!
and finallee...one mare,
Man who runs behind car or caravan, gets exhausted!
witch leeds mee on tae ma storee fur todae......
Ah wiz eeree wiggin (fur unedoocated peepells that meens - listenin tae wits noffin tae dae wiff mee), and herd ma Mum tell ma Dad a rite troo storee that happined todaes when ma Mum wiz comin home fae work in Engerland. Noo, fing iz mee and Mollee fot this wiz reel funnee, but ma Mum didnae, coz shee hasnae got a sense of hoomur. Ma Mum wiz on the M6 (no tae bee confoosed wiff MI6), at junckshon 44 heading Norff, and shee seen, comin Souff, a car and beehind the car wiz a caravan. Nexx fing, the caravan pure overtook the car! Ah swears tae masell that iz the troof! Noo fing iz ma Mollee started tae giggle like she does, but ah wanted tae ken who wiz pure driving the caravan - coz am a finker! But ah found oot later that naebuddee wiz drivin the caravan, it jist pure went itsell. Next fing the car, pooled on tae the hard shoulder of the motorwae, but the caravan carried on, dane aboot 90 mph. How cool iz that?? Ah fink the caravan wiz in a hurree tae get tae where it wiz going. But nexx fing, Wham, Bam, and the caravan pure crashed into the reservation. Noo, ah didnae ken they had Ingin Reservations on a Motorway, but thats wit ma Mum said, so who am ah too argoo? Mee and Mollee wur pure laffin bye now, but ma Mum wiz pure upset and sad fur the man, coz ma Mum used tae have a caravan, so she kens how eezee it can happin. Then Mollee wiz sad coz Mum wiz sad.
So tae cheer ma Mollee up, ah telt hur, that it will bee summer times twomorrow and ah telt hur the storee aboot Humptee Dumptee.
Humptee Dumptee had a grate fall, efter a poor summer! Mollee didnae laff at that wan, so ah jist sung a song tae hur. Ah pure likes that song by Francs Sinnatras called Fly Mee two Dunoon.
Everytime ah heers that song ah fink of ma Antee Karen who lives there wiff hur babes.
Am lookin forward tae gettin ma dinner wan hour earlee tomorrows!
Love fae big Presley the King. xxxxxxxxxxx
Friday, 27 March 2009
Sneek Preevoo of ma Ruff Guide
Hullo all ewes oot there, how are ewes all todaes? Ah wiz going tae tell ewes aboot the seeps in the feeld next tae mee, but ma Mum says that ma Antee Tree from Engerland told hur that her dog Big Tom has a noo job. Hee has pure only gone and got himsell a top notch job!! Ah swear tae masell that is the troof. See wit hee has done is got himsell wan of they jobs where hee goes around and visits old peepells and they pat him all day and then they gee him loads of biskits, fur lettin them pat him. How cool is that? Well done Tom that is a rite cool job and hee hasnae even red ma Ruff Guide. Ah fink ma bruver Fat Bazil wood like a cool job like that, cos hee likes biskits. Ah fot ewes wood like a sneek preevoo of ma noo book witch is called Presley the Fillosifers Ruff Guide to Surviving.
1. No one is listening too ewe until ewe cleen oot ewer bits!
2. Always rememburs, ewe are numbur wan Dog, until ewer Mum gets an udder dog.
3. Eggspeereeanse is somefin ewe dont get until efter ewe needed it.
4. Don't ever let a vet take ewer tempratoor. (this is also in ma ruff guide tae vets).
5. Niver test the depth of water wiff all four paws.
6. If at first ewe dont suckseed, then parashootin isnae fur ewe.
7. If ewe fink ewer Mum disnae ken if ewe is alive or deed, try poo'in on the carpet.
8. Don't beeleeve in reincarnashon, ah didnt when ah wiz a Poodell.
9. If a Rotti steels ewer bone and ewe dont ever see him again, it wiz probablee worff it.
10. Playing Leep Frog wiff a numbur wan beetch is like the air wee breeve, its no that important until ewe cannee get it.
11.Some days ewe is the Greyhound, some days ewe is the Rabbitt.
12. There are two good feeree's about arguing wiff Mollee, but none of thems works.
13. Dont ever let the vet sedate ewe, just tae gee ewe a laxative.
14. Gee mee a can of dog food an ah will eet fur the dae, show mee where ewe keep the food and ah will sit an eet all dae.
15. Before ewe yell at an udder dog, make sure ewe have an eescape root.
16. If ewe is always well behaved ewer Mum will no ken when ewe is bean good and deserve a reward.
17. Always rememburs ewe are one of a kind, just like all the udder dogs.
That is sum of ma hints and tips from ma Ruff Guide - Presley the Fillosifer. Ah fink ewe will soon bee able tae bye a copy of ma book, fur aboot, 57 and a half pence. (no Ewero's pleese).
Speek tae ewes all soon, and well dun tae big Tom ma best Greyhound friend frum Engerland.
Love Big Presley xxxxxxxxxxxxx
1. No one is listening too ewe until ewe cleen oot ewer bits!
2. Always rememburs, ewe are numbur wan Dog, until ewer Mum gets an udder dog.
3. Eggspeereeanse is somefin ewe dont get until efter ewe needed it.
4. Don't ever let a vet take ewer tempratoor. (this is also in ma ruff guide tae vets).
5. Niver test the depth of water wiff all four paws.
6. If at first ewe dont suckseed, then parashootin isnae fur ewe.
7. If ewe fink ewer Mum disnae ken if ewe is alive or deed, try poo'in on the carpet.
8. Don't beeleeve in reincarnashon, ah didnt when ah wiz a Poodell.
9. If a Rotti steels ewer bone and ewe dont ever see him again, it wiz probablee worff it.
10. Playing Leep Frog wiff a numbur wan beetch is like the air wee breeve, its no that important until ewe cannee get it.
11.Some days ewe is the Greyhound, some days ewe is the Rabbitt.
12. There are two good feeree's about arguing wiff Mollee, but none of thems works.
13. Dont ever let the vet sedate ewe, just tae gee ewe a laxative.
14. Gee mee a can of dog food an ah will eet fur the dae, show mee where ewe keep the food and ah will sit an eet all dae.
15. Before ewe yell at an udder dog, make sure ewe have an eescape root.
16. If ewe is always well behaved ewer Mum will no ken when ewe is bean good and deserve a reward.
17. Always rememburs ewe are one of a kind, just like all the udder dogs.
That is sum of ma hints and tips from ma Ruff Guide - Presley the Fillosifer. Ah fink ewe will soon bee able tae bye a copy of ma book, fur aboot, 57 and a half pence. (no Ewero's pleese).
Speek tae ewes all soon, and well dun tae big Tom ma best Greyhound friend frum Engerland.
Love Big Presley xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Wednesday, 25 March 2009
Am two cliver tae go tae the Park!!
Hullo all ewes oot there its mee hear Big Presley. Am sorree ah have no bin on hear for a long times, but ah have bean bizzee riting ma seerees of Ruff Guides. Ah have rit the Ruff Guide tae stayin in Kennells, the Ruff Guide tae visitin the Vet Docktor, the Ruff Guide tae going on holeedays, the Ruff Guide tae going tae training classes, and ma speshall wan, Presleys Ruff Guide tae bean a King. Udder than all that, ah have bin lookin after ma Roobee. Roobee is ma sister wiff the free legs. Ma Mum fot Roobee wiznae well coz she had a lump on hur side, so Roobee wiz taken tae the Vet Docktur fur an eggsaminashon. Noo see fing iz Roobee didnae reed ma Ruff guide tae going tae the Vet Docktur and only went an let him take hur temperatoor. Yuck man that is pure horrid. Anyways, the Vet Docktur did a fing called a Byeopsee. Noo wit that meens, iz that he took a bit of Roobees lump away and tested it, tae see wit it was. It turned oot tae bee a fing called a Fattee Kurd - ah fink thats how ewe spell it. Ah swears tae masell that is the troof. Niver in ma hole life have ah herd of a Fattee Kurd. Ave herd of a Fattee Burd and ave herd of Lemon Kurd, but no a Fattee Kurd, so am no soor if ma Mum herd him rite. Anyways, ma Roobee is doin grate and shee is a rite happee babe. Probablee coz shee lives wiff mee.
Anyways, wit diz ewes make of all the peepells writing blogs tae bee like mee, big Presley - how cool is that? But see fing iz, am rite bored wiff them jist sayin fings like, todaes ah went tae the park! Wit is that all aboot?? Ah entered the Sundae Male blog compeetishon fing, but wit have theys gone and done, but chosen an udder two Spangles to rite in. Am no a Spangle so ah fink ah will no bee in that paper. But see fing iz ah have a fing called copyrite on all ma troo storees, so no udder dog/s can coppee mee, so if ewes want a good laff, ewes will need tae keep reedin ma blog on hear. Ah fink ah am too cliver fur thems, coz if ah jist rote that ah went tae the park everydae, ewes wood fink ah wiznae the King and ah cannee have that.
Well am away oot noo, but no tae the Park, am away oot tae say hullo tae the dugs who lives nexx door tae us, they are called Dizzee and Shadough. Tomorrows ah will tells ewes aboot ma troo eggspeereeanse when ah decided tae count sum Seep in the feeld.
Love fae big Presley the King xxx
Anyways, wit diz ewes make of all the peepells writing blogs tae bee like mee, big Presley - how cool is that? But see fing iz, am rite bored wiff them jist sayin fings like, todaes ah went tae the park! Wit is that all aboot?? Ah entered the Sundae Male blog compeetishon fing, but wit have theys gone and done, but chosen an udder two Spangles to rite in. Am no a Spangle so ah fink ah will no bee in that paper. But see fing iz ah have a fing called copyrite on all ma troo storees, so no udder dog/s can coppee mee, so if ewes want a good laff, ewes will need tae keep reedin ma blog on hear. Ah fink ah am too cliver fur thems, coz if ah jist rote that ah went tae the park everydae, ewes wood fink ah wiznae the King and ah cannee have that.
Well am away oot noo, but no tae the Park, am away oot tae say hullo tae the dugs who lives nexx door tae us, they are called Dizzee and Shadough. Tomorrows ah will tells ewes aboot ma troo eggspeereeanse when ah decided tae count sum Seep in the feeld.
Love fae big Presley the King xxx
Thursday, 19 March 2009
Compeetishon time - Spot the differense
Hullo all ewes oot there, am sorree ah havenae bean on ma blog, but ah have bin ansuring all ma eemales from ma fans.... oh eye, and ah have bean playin in the gerdin wiff ma Molleee coz it wiz rite sunnee and ah have bin writing ma Ruff Guide tae Stayin in Kennells.
SPOT THE DIFFERENSE!!
Anyways, ewes all want tae see a picktoor of ma Feeonsee Rag, coz sum of ewes dont beeleeve that ah even kens a reel Cruffts babe. Ah will need tae ask ma Antee Noras if ah can show ewes hur picktoor, but am no wantin all the udder dugs tae fall in love wiff hur.
Its a rite nice day hear at the open prizon in Lan Ark, so ah fot ah wid let all ma noo fans play a game. The game is called spot the differense. Noo ah have pit two picktoors of mee and ewes will need to studee them very carefoolees and fink aboot what the differense is between them.
Noo the winner of the compeetishon gets tae spend the hole day wiff mee!! Well onlee if its a cool babe that wins. If a boy dug wins, well he must have bin cheetin and so hee canee win!.
Have fun and ah will bee back soon. Love fae Big Presley the King xxx
SPOT THE DIFFERENSE!!
Monday, 16 March 2009
All aboot mee
Hullo everybuddee, its mee again big Presley.
Im feelin very mutch better noo fanks, and I wanted tae say fank ewe to all the peepells who sent mee Get Well Big Presley the King Cards.
Noo fing is this, ah have a rite lot to tell ewes aboot that has happined to mee since ah have bin sick, and one fing was aboot the numbur of dugs who is tryin to bee like me, big Presley.
Then what happined wiz thiz, ah wiz lookin at all the beetches in the Sunday Mail pet page, and ah seen an advert looking fur dugs tae contack them, who has a blog or wants a blog. So ah contackted them and told them aboot ma blog. This blog fing is funnee, becoz, all ma troo followers ken mee and have bin reedin ma blog from the start when ah wiz jist a puppee. Ah fink it will be rite confoosin fur noo peepells to understand wit it is am talkin aboot. So tae save them frum reedin all ma blog since 2007, I will give ewes a reminder aboot who ah am.
Ma Name iz: Presley The King ('The' is ma middull name)
I Live at: Lan Ark Open Prizon
Born: In Edinburger and lived in Glesga
Nationalitee: Scotteesh Rescoo Dug
Age: Free and a half (my birffday is in Joon - every yeer)
Dug Tipe: I am a Pedigree Lurcher
Martital Statos: I live wiff ma beetch Greyhound called Mollee and I have a Feeonsee called Rag
Sibblins: I live wiff 4 udder Greyhounds sum are Lurchers, 4 cats and 1 budgee/canaree fing.
There names are: Mac, Roobee, Bazil, Wizard, Charlee, Stan & Hilda, Six and Tineel
Hobbees: Bean the Class Clown an goin tae Norff Berrick tae see ma Feeonsee Rag
Ambishon: To eescape from ma prizon and too marree as many beetches as possibill.
Best Day: Ah wiz on the tellys - ah swear tae masell that iz the troof
Noo fing is, if ewe want tae find out more aboot mee, ewe will need tae check oot ma blog from the begining. There are sum picktoors of mee as a puppee, wiff ma reel bruver Aaron, and udder fings ah have dun in ma life.
Hope ewes enjoy.
Love fae big Presley the King xxx
Im feelin very mutch better noo fanks, and I wanted tae say fank ewe to all the peepells who sent mee Get Well Big Presley the King Cards.
Noo fing is this, ah have a rite lot to tell ewes aboot that has happined to mee since ah have bin sick, and one fing was aboot the numbur of dugs who is tryin to bee like me, big Presley.
Then what happined wiz thiz, ah wiz lookin at all the beetches in the Sunday Mail pet page, and ah seen an advert looking fur dugs tae contack them, who has a blog or wants a blog. So ah contackted them and told them aboot ma blog. This blog fing is funnee, becoz, all ma troo followers ken mee and have bin reedin ma blog from the start when ah wiz jist a puppee. Ah fink it will be rite confoosin fur noo peepells to understand wit it is am talkin aboot. So tae save them frum reedin all ma blog since 2007, I will give ewes a reminder aboot who ah am.
Ma Name iz: Presley The King ('The' is ma middull name)
I Live at: Lan Ark Open Prizon
Born: In Edinburger and lived in Glesga
Nationalitee: Scotteesh Rescoo Dug
Age: Free and a half (my birffday is in Joon - every yeer)
Dug Tipe: I am a Pedigree Lurcher
Martital Statos: I live wiff ma beetch Greyhound called Mollee and I have a Feeonsee called Rag
Sibblins: I live wiff 4 udder Greyhounds sum are Lurchers, 4 cats and 1 budgee/canaree fing.
There names are: Mac, Roobee, Bazil, Wizard, Charlee, Stan & Hilda, Six and Tineel
Hobbees: Bean the Class Clown an goin tae Norff Berrick tae see ma Feeonsee Rag
Ambishon: To eescape from ma prizon and too marree as many beetches as possibill.
Best Day: Ah wiz on the tellys - ah swear tae masell that iz the troof
Noo fing is, if ewe want tae find out more aboot mee, ewe will need tae check oot ma blog from the begining. There are sum picktoors of mee as a puppee, wiff ma reel bruver Aaron, and udder fings ah have dun in ma life.
Hope ewes enjoy.
Love fae big Presley the King xxx
Sunday, 15 March 2009
Diz ma Bum look big in thiz?
Hullo all ewes oot there, its mee Big Presley hear, am Back!!!. Fank ewe fur all ewer kind wisses, fur mee tae get betturs. Ah didnae ken wit wiz the matters wiff mee, an ah got reelee finn. Noo most of ewes will ken, that Lurchers are Finn dugs anyways, but ah wiz like reelee reelee finn. Normallees finn dugs are built fur speed, but see ah wiz so finn, ah had no energee and ah wiz even slower than Wizzy Wong! Eye thats troo, ah swears tae masell. A snale in the gardin wiz runnin fastur than mee. Ma Mum wiz like pure greetin coz ah wiz so finn and she foned the Vet Docktur, coz no matters how mutch shee wiz feedin mee ah wiz still gettin finner.
Ah wiz gettin fed Tripe free times a day. Noo am no talkin aboot ma Mum's cookin, am talkin aboot reel Tripe, the kind ewes bye frum the Bootcher. An ah wiz gettin Mince, no the mince ma Mum normallee cooks fur mee, ah wiz gettin lambs mince. Ma Antee Noras said tae ma Mum tae gee mee pasta and pottatoes, so ah wiz gettin that two. It wiz pure the biziness. Noo fing iz wiff all thiz eggstra food, ah had tae bee fast. Well ah had tae run rite fast oot tae the gerdin tae dae ma poo's, so geein mee all this eggstra food reelee worked rite good.
Thiz iz ma back bottom noo
Ah fink its lookin good, its no ma best voo, but ewes can see am all betturs.
Noo, ah have lots of fings ah need tae tell ewes aboot, but ah will rite aboot thems over the nexx foo days. One fing iz aboot the numbur of peepells who are copyin mee, by havin blogs and ritetin books. Ah fink its coz they all want tae bee like mee, but there will only bee Wan King.
The udder fing iz, that am going tae rite doon wit all ma wurds meens, coz ma Antee Tree iz frum Engerland an shee will maybee no understand wit it iz am sayin in ma blog. Ah fink ah will need tae get ma Mum tae dae that fur mee, coz am no very good at spellin.
The turd fing iz, that ah have a noo pal. Yes its troo, an udder noo pal. His name iz Malarkee (or sumfin like that). Hee iz pure rite cool and lives wiff ma Antee Haylee and Unkill Jaysun.
So ah must go fur noo, but ah will bee back soon.
Lots of love fae big FAT Presley xxxxxxxxxxxx
Ah wiz gettin fed Tripe free times a day. Noo am no talkin aboot ma Mum's cookin, am talkin aboot reel Tripe, the kind ewes bye frum the Bootcher. An ah wiz gettin Mince, no the mince ma Mum normallee cooks fur mee, ah wiz gettin lambs mince. Ma Antee Noras said tae ma Mum tae gee mee pasta and pottatoes, so ah wiz gettin that two. It wiz pure the biziness. Noo fing iz wiff all thiz eggstra food, ah had tae bee fast. Well ah had tae run rite fast oot tae the gerdin tae dae ma poo's, so geein mee all this eggstra food reelee worked rite good.
Noo thiz iz the yuckee bit, but ma Mum fot shee wid take a fotograff of ma back bottom fur mee tae show ewes tae see if ewes fink ma back bottom is still Finn.
Thiz iz ma back bottom noo
Ah fink its lookin good, its no ma best voo, but ewes can see am all betturs.
Noo, ah have lots of fings ah need tae tell ewes aboot, but ah will rite aboot thems over the nexx foo days. One fing iz aboot the numbur of peepells who are copyin mee, by havin blogs and ritetin books. Ah fink its coz they all want tae bee like mee, but there will only bee Wan King.
The udder fing iz, that am going tae rite doon wit all ma wurds meens, coz ma Antee Tree iz frum Engerland an shee will maybee no understand wit it iz am sayin in ma blog. Ah fink ah will need tae get ma Mum tae dae that fur mee, coz am no very good at spellin.
The turd fing iz, that ah have a noo pal. Yes its troo, an udder noo pal. His name iz Malarkee (or sumfin like that). Hee iz pure rite cool and lives wiff ma Antee Haylee and Unkill Jaysun.
So ah must go fur noo, but ah will bee back soon.
Lots of love fae big FAT Presley xxxxxxxxxxxx
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