Sneek Preevoo of ma Ruff Guide

Hullo all ewes oot there, how are ewes all todaes? Ah wiz going tae tell ewes aboot the seeps in the feeld next tae mee, but ma Mum says that ma Antee Tree from Engerland told hur that her dog Big Tom has a noo job. Hee has pure only gone and got himsell a top notch job!! Ah swear tae masell that is the troof. See wit hee has done is got himsell wan of they jobs where hee goes around and visits old peepells and they pat him all day and then they gee him loads of biskits, fur lettin them pat him. How cool is that? Well done Tom that is a rite cool job and hee hasnae even red ma Ruff Guide. Ah fink ma bruver Fat Bazil wood like a cool job like that, cos hee likes biskits. Ah fot ewes wood like a sneek preevoo of ma noo book witch is called Presley the Fillosifers Ruff Guide to Surviving.
1. No one is listening too ewe until ewe cleen oot ewer bits!
2. Always rememburs, ewe are numbur wan Dog, until ewer Mum gets an udder dog.
3. Eggspeereeanse is somefin ewe dont get until efter ewe needed it.
4. Don't ever let a vet take ewer tempratoor. (this is also in ma ruff guide tae vets).
5. Niver test the depth of water wiff all four paws.
6. If at first ewe dont suckseed, then parashootin isnae fur ewe.
7. If ewe fink ewer Mum disnae ken if ewe is alive or deed, try poo'in on the carpet.
8. Don't beeleeve in reincarnashon, ah didnt when ah wiz a Poodell.
9. If a Rotti steels ewer bone and ewe dont ever see him again, it wiz probablee worff it.
10. Playing Leep Frog wiff a numbur wan beetch is like the air wee breeve, its no that important until ewe cannee get it.
11.Some days ewe is the Greyhound, some days ewe is the Rabbitt.
12. There are two good feeree's about arguing wiff Mollee, but none of thems works.
13. Dont ever let the vet sedate ewe, just tae gee ewe a laxative.
14. Gee mee a can of dog food an ah will eet fur the dae, show mee where ewe keep the food and ah will sit an eet all dae.
15. Before ewe yell at an udder dog, make sure ewe have an eescape root.
16. If ewe is always well behaved ewer Mum will no ken when ewe is bean good and deserve a reward.
17. Always rememburs ewe are one of a kind, just like all the udder dogs.

That is sum of ma hints and tips from ma Ruff Guide - Presley the Fillosifer. Ah fink ewe will soon bee able tae bye a copy of ma book, fur aboot, 57 and a half pence. (no Ewero's pleese).
Speek tae ewes all soon, and well dun tae big Tom ma best Greyhound friend frum Engerland.
Love Big Presley xxxxxxxxxxxxx