Fly Me to Dunoon!

Hullo all ewes oot there, am rite pleesed ewe all liked ma Fillosifers Guide, and for all ewes that didnae, well thats jist tuff. Some of ewes asked mee if ah wid rite 'Presleys the Fillosifers Guide Fur Hoomans', coz am so smart, but ah fink ewe is confoosin mee wiff the udder grate fillosifer Pluto the dog, or wiz that Plato, am no soor. But hear iz a foo for ma fannees.
Noo ewes all ken that ah live everydae as though it is ma last, this is coz wan dae it will bee!
If ewe dont want anyone tae get on ewer goat, don't tell anywan where ewe tied it up!
Wise men niver play leep frog wiff a Unicorn!
A man who sleeps on a bed of nales is a hollee man!
Men who smoke pot, choke on the handell!
Bootee is onlee a lite switch away!
Men who eet toast in bed get a crummee sleep!
and finallee...one mare,
Man who runs behind car or caravan, gets exhausted!
witch leeds mee on tae ma storee fur todae......
Ah wiz eeree wiggin (fur unedoocated peepells that meens - listenin tae wits noffin tae dae wiff mee), and herd ma Mum tell ma Dad a rite troo storee that happined todaes when ma Mum wiz comin home fae work in Engerland. Noo, fing iz mee and Mollee fot this wiz reel funnee, but ma Mum didnae, coz shee hasnae got a sense of hoomur. Ma Mum wiz on the M6 (no tae bee confoosed wiff MI6), at junckshon 44 heading Norff, and shee seen, comin Souff, a car and beehind the car wiz a caravan. Nexx fing, the caravan pure overtook the car! Ah swears tae masell that iz the troof! Noo fing iz ma Mollee started tae giggle like she does, but ah wanted tae ken who wiz pure driving the caravan - coz am a finker! But ah found oot later that naebuddee wiz drivin the caravan, it jist pure went itsell. Next fing the car, pooled on tae the hard shoulder of the motorwae, but the caravan carried on, dane aboot 90 mph. How cool iz that?? Ah fink the caravan wiz in a hurree tae get tae where it wiz going. But nexx fing, Wham, Bam, and the caravan pure crashed into the reservation. Noo, ah didnae ken they had Ingin Reservations on a Motorway, but thats wit ma Mum said, so who am ah too argoo? Mee and Mollee wur pure laffin bye now, but ma Mum wiz pure upset and sad fur the man, coz ma Mum used tae have a caravan, so she kens how eezee it can happin. Then Mollee wiz sad coz Mum wiz sad.
So tae cheer ma Mollee up, ah telt hur, that it will bee summer times twomorrow and ah telt hur the storee aboot Humptee Dumptee.
Humptee Dumptee had a grate fall, efter a poor summer! Mollee didnae laff at that wan, so ah jist sung a song tae hur. Ah pure likes that song by Francs Sinnatras called Fly Mee two Dunoon.
Everytime ah heers that song ah fink of ma Antee Karen who lives there wiff hur babes.
Am lookin forward tae gettin ma dinner wan hour earlee tomorrows!
Love fae big Presley the King. xxxxxxxxxxx