Work fur nuffin - how fick is that?

Hullo all ewes oot there, its mee hear big Presley, ah have a funnee storee two tells ewes all and ah swears its the troof. Noo thiz iz called a Sen-aree-oh, fur unedoocated peepells that meens ah will gives ewes a sitooashon and ewes can fink aboot the ansur. Noo, what if ah suggested two ewes that ewe worked 24 hoors a day, 7 days a weak, every single day of the hole yeer. Noo wate wan minit am no finished yet! If that wiznae bad eenuff, wit if ah said two ewes that ewes have tae day this fur the love of workin and ewes widnae get paid fur doing it. Well, ah fink ewes wid say tae mee 'Presley ewe is pure off ewer nut man, wees iz no workin fur nuffin'. See ah fot that is wit ewes wid say. So could someone, pleese tell ma Mum that, coz if shee keeps workin fur nuffin, mee and Mollee will soon bee homeless and wee will end up on the street dane a can collectshon tipe fing tae get monee fur wur dinner.
See, sum of ewes ken that ma Mum iz an Undertaker, a speshall one fur pets. Noo fing iz she started this business cos, 4 yeers ago she paid £200 fur hur dog Kaz tae have his neck broken, bee flung in a bag, a tag flung on him, flung in a van, then flung in freezer and his ashes returned tae her (ok hur naybur, coz they made a mistake), 10 days later - but thats no wit shee wanted fur him, but thats who hur vet recommended and they said Kaz wid bee well looked efter - eye very good - how mutch did the vet get paid fur that!! Noo fing iz thiz, the peepells that did that back then are still pure crematin dugs and cats all over the place. Ma Mum fot that wiz reelee rong tae day that tae pets, so shee became an Undertaker fur tae do the job properlee. Fing is, its no cheep tae creemate a pet, espeshally coz ma Mum drives wiff only wan pet to Engerland and its only wan pet that is creemated at wan time, and she pure goes back tae the family usuallee wiffin about 6 hours efter the creemashon. Sum times ma Mum can work fur 14 hours in wan dae, witch is a lot, coz mee and Mollee is sumtimes in bed when shee comes home. So fing is, peepells have tae ask themselves if theys kens someone who can acktooalee dae the same job as ma Mum and bee cheeper, its imposseebell. Let mee gee ewes an exampells: if ewes want tae bye a Diamond, ewe can get the reel fing, or ewe can buy a fing called a Diamontay. Noo they may both look similars, but they are anyfin butt.
Ah cannee beeleeve how fick ma Mum iz, so if ewes see a rite handsum Pedigree Lurcher and a little Greyhound sitting wiff an old wumin in Argyle Street or Princess Street, wid ewes pleese spare us sum monee fur wur dinner. Am away tae have a wurd wiff ma Mum aboot hur biziness, just called me Allan Sugar Presley xxx