Horror of DRUGGIN dogs at Lan Ark Open Prizon!

Hullo all ewes, wate till ah tell ewes ma storee, this is troo and socking! Yesterdaes wee's went to visit the Vet Docktor, but wee wiznae hurted and wee wiznae ill so wee didnt need to be eggsamined. Ma Mum wiz talkin to the Vet Docktor (ah calls him the Minister, but that is a disguise fur his ill eagle goings on) and he gave ma Mum a bag wiff huge white pills in it! See fing is this, ah watches all the Pollis programmes on the TV's and ah kens all aboot Speed, Crack and Anfetameens, and am sure ma Mum bott drugs!! Ah kens ewe is all socked - cos after alls, ma Mum is daft eenuff wiffoot taking drugs. Anyways, sumfin happined at the Vet Docktors witch ah will tell ewes aboot 2morros, but it wiz soooooo funnee that mee an Mollee forgot aboot the Drugs. So last nite mee and Mollee's wiz sitting wathing Coppers on the Tellys, and ah herd Mum sayin to Dad "OMG ah forgot to give 'u know wit' to Presser and Smaller"!! Ma Da said "OMG ewe is pure a nutjob". Noo, ah kens it wiznae an errlee kissmass present, but ah didnae ken wit it wiz. So nexx fing Mum comes in wiff 2 of her best china bowls and in thems wiz ice screams and bannanna's. Then she pure says in her poshest acksent "Oh Pressleee oh Mollllleee look wit Mummee has fur ewe"!! See mee ah smelt a Rat and ah says to Mollllleee, have wee bean good today? Nope wiz the ansur, cos wee laffed at sumfin at the Vets that wee shouldnae have laffed at. But wee's ate wur ice scream wiff grate gusto - then ah spots them hidden in the bannnnanas - the DRUGS!!!! Ah ken wee wood not be given sumfin nice to eet when it wiznae even kissmas times yet. So see mee am cliver and ah ate all ice screams and left the drugs. Ah have a feeree and ah fink Mum wanted a long lie in hur bed, so she tried to Drug us, but she pure failed. Mollee says shee finks they were fur Worms, but these drugs were soooooo big a worm wood have pure choaked on thems. So ah fink it wiz to subdoo mee and Mollee. It got mee to finkin, maybe ah cood be a drug search dog in the Pollis or at the airports. This is a picktoor of the eevidense of them tryin to drug us!! Ah wiz such a smart dog that ma Mum gave mee and Mollee a speshall treet laters of Corned Beef and she said "eet up Presley ewe is ah a GOOD boy"!!

Undercover Boss UK

Hullo all ewes, its mee hear Big Presser - ah always says that incase an imposster is using ma compooter! Wee's were watching a programme on tellys last night aboot a boss of a burger company in Americas and what he did wiz to go in disguise and get a job in his ANE companee! Ah swear that is the troof - he pure did sum poor geezer out of a job filling burger buns - ah fink that wiz sellfish of him. Anyways it got mee finkin, and ah fink it wood be a good idear if ma Mum did the same fing with hur companee. Noo, lets not be sillee about this and fink it frew. She wood need to wear a wig or sumfin so that nobuddee kent her, then she could put on a funnee voice when she ansurs the fone - eye ah meen an udder funnee voice and no the wan she usually uses. Then she cood pure get in hur car and drive to peepells houses, but they woodnae ken it wiz ma Mum who is normallees the Direcktor, Marketing Manager, Accountant, Seckreetaree, Counseelor, Reeceptionist, Telefonist, Tea Maker and Cleener of her umpire called the Pet Undertaker. When ma Mum got back home, she cood pure fink aboot everyfin that happened and see where she needs to make improovments or see if she is doin anyfin rite. Ah fink that wood be a reel good eggsersise fur her and wood also make sure she isnae wastin time on udder fings that are no necessaree. Ah will ask ma Dad to videeo it, so it looks reel offentick and ah will put it where all ma Mums videeos end up on EWE TOOBE! Am away to help Mum wiff her disguise. Lots of Love big Presley xx

Happee Birffday to ma Princess Rag

My Princess Rag is FORE todae!! HAPPEE BIRFFDAE MA PRINCESS FEEONSEE. XX
Now ewe all kens mee and ewe all kens how mutch ah loves ma No.1 babes, but see fing is, see ma Rag she is very speshall cos she is ma Feeonsee and wee have a Love Child twogether called Coalman - he even looks like me and is reel cliver too. Now see fing is am a King of princeepals and ah wood like to let ewes all into a seecret. Ah fink that there will be a Royal Wedding nexx year - thats all am sayin. Ah fink the 29th of April will bee a good day fur it. :-) Now pleese dont tell ma Mollee, cos she diznae ken aboot it. If any of ewes can get the day off work fur the Royal Wedding pleese let me ken.
Ah hopes ah gets to see ma Rag soon so that ah can wiss her a happee birffday in person. :-) xxxxxxx
Ah loves ewe Princess Rag, love frum King Presley ewer Feeonsee xxxx

Ewe is the Weekest Link - Goodbye!!

Hullo all ewes, its mee hear Big Presser or King Presley to ewes. See me, ah have wanted to rite to ewes fur ages but ma Mum has bean so bizzee wiff fings that ah wiznae aloud on the compooter. Ah says to hur my fannee's will fink ah have forgotten thems, its no a Slog its a Blog and theys is waitin to here from there King! So hear ah am back wiff ma troo storees.
Pure hunners has happened to mee since ah last rote to ewes, ah took spellin lessons so even ma spellin has improoved. But ah will bring ewes up to date wiff socking noo's. (if ewes are on ma facebook ewe may have herd sum of this, so am sorree, but ewe will need to here it again).
Aboot free weeks ago ma Mum wiz invited to go to the BBC (ah fink that stands fur Beech Babe Collection or sumfin), to see if shee wiz smart eenuff to go on the Weekest Links. Anyways ah telt hur no tae do it, but she fott it wiz fur charitee and says she wood go. Well ah swears to masell, wit wiz she finkin, ah meen ah wood be offended if sumone said to me do ewe want to come fur an ODDISHON!! Cos see mee am no ODD! But I guess it wiz rite up ma Mums street and off she pure goes, but ah new it wid all end in teers! To cut a sad storree short, she got picked, ah guess that confirms how odd she is. Last Chewsday they filmed her and all the udder odd peepells who work wiff anemals. They telt them it wiz an anemal special and the questions wood be aboot anemals! Cool, ah fott ok, ma Mum wood do ok wiff that. No Chance!! They pure conned hur, cos ma Mums questions were no aboot anemals, but ma Mum fott hur questions were trick questions and looked a total plonker! She got free questions in the 1st round and free questions in the 2nd round, that equals Six, but cos she was finkin the questions wur aboot anemals she pure messed up big style - Fantastick if ewes ask mee - and she wiz pure the Weekest Links and wiz booted off by the rite smart a......'s who only answered a total of 4 questions and even got thems rong!!. When Fanny Anny Robinson (as ah call hur) asked thems why theys had voted ma Mum off, they says cos she got an Anemal questions rong! Am no aloud to tell ewes aboot the show, but the plonkers that voted ma Mum off were even ficker than ma Mum, cos it wiz History and TV questions she got rang - she wiznae asked an Anemal question. See ah telt ewes it wood all end in teers. But fing is see ma Mum she may be fick, but she is a good sport, cos she didnae get upsets at the fact that the entire wurld will see she is fick as mince. Fanny Anny didnae speek to ma Mum, cos she kent that ma Mums only good qualitee is being good at Banter. Mollee says Mum is also good at being a *it. Ah says ah cannee say that aboot ma Mum, but Mollee acktuallee said she wiz good at Wit and no what a fott she said. :-) (that wee symbol is a smile!). Well am away the noo, cos ah have fings to do - am having problems wiff ma back bottom, butt ah will let ewes ken how it goes! Lots of love to ewes all frum King Presley xxxxxxxxxxx

Cleen up ewer act big Presser!

Hullo its mee hear, wate till ewe here this troo storee. Aboot 1 yeers ago, a Scottish noo's paper says they were looking fur blog storee's fur there paper. Ah cannee tell ewes witch paper it wiz, but ah fott to masell, thats cool, ah will let them reed ma blog. But fing is this, ma Mum says that ma blog wiz fur Adults to reed and no sootable fur childrens, so if ah wanted to let thems reed ma blog ah wood have to cleen up ma act and take oot all ma bad wurds. It took me b......y ages to do that cos sumtimes ah tell it as it is and sumtimes that meens ah use norty wurds, cos am just me King Presley. Noo the fing is, the paper wanted good storee's cos the twa dugs that rote the blog every b........y week in the paper were mega, mega, mega boring. All they ever did wiz go to the park, they didnae even have a personalitee's like mee. Ah felt sorree fur thems cos theys has a boring life, but if they had red ma blog they cood have found out how to have a life.
Anyways ah cleened up ma blog and even then they didnae want it, cos ah wood have made thems look sillee. Now that ah kens that no kids (babee goats) or childrens will reed this, ah can bee masell again. So fing is this if ewe is eesilee offended, ah suggest ewe reed there slog and no ma blog. The King is BACK!! lots of love Big Presley the King of Lurchers and lover of the beech babes. xxxxxxxxxx

Grate Tits!

Now that the snoow is coming back ma Mum gets worreed aboot the burds in the garden, cos they is not gettin eenuff to eet. So ma Mum always puts food oot fur them in the shape of balls. She says the burds like balls! One day ma Mum says shee seen a rite odd burd in the garden and shee didnae ken wit type it wiz and she fott it wood be a good idea to bye a book wiff picktoors of burds in it so she wood ken wit all the burds were called. Thats a cool idear ah fott, cos ma Dad also likes looking at picktoors of burds. Butt what we didnae bank on wiz ma Dad's knowledge of burds espeshally of Tits. Noo wate wan minit, let mee eggsplane!!! One day ma Mum and Dad wiz lookin oot the windae and ma Mum spots an odd burd and shee says to ma Dad "look there is that odd burd". Ma Dad didnae see the burd that ma Mum was pointing at and said "that is a Grate Tit!!!". But see mee, ah fott he said to ma Mum 'dont bee a grate t...'! Mollee wiz pure laffin her head off. Ma Mum looks at ma Dad and says wit do ewe kens aboot Tits, and he says he pure new the difference between a Grate Tit and a Bloo Tit. See mee ah wanted to stick up fur ma Mum, cos ah kens that ma Mum kens the difference beetween them too!! Mollee says am no aloud to tells ewes how ma Mum kens the difference, but what a want to know is how ma Dad kens the difference. If ah find out ah will lets ewe ken, but that is an udder troo storree frum me big Presley. xxxx