Snookee goes tae Rainbow Bridge

Hullo all ewes oot there its mee hear big Presley. Ah pure hopes ewes is enjoyin the nice sunnee weather, coz mee and Mollee pure loves it. But ah have rite sad noos fur ewes. Todae ma Mum and Dad are going tae ma Antee Frances's fooneral, but last nite ma Mum got a call frum Antee Frances's sistur, who had pure more bad noos. Little Snookee the cat pure stopped eeting anyfin when Antee Frances died last week and on Fursday she widnae even take watur. So fing is the vet docktur said that Snookee just wanted to go tae Rainbow Bridge tae bee wiff Antee Frances and Jade, so thats wit happined.

Antee Frances had telt everybuddee about how ma Mum had looked after Jade so well and wanted the same fing fur Snookee. Fing is Antee Frances didnae ken, she wid go befour Snookee. So noo ma Mum and Dad have two foonerals today, wan fur Antee Frances and wan fur Snookee, so theys will both go tae Rainbow Bridge toogether. Its kinda nice in a rite sad way.

Ma Mum wiz reel upsets, so mee and Mollee fot wee wid cheer ma Mum up a bit. So Mollee came up wiff the idear that wee's wid take up a noo hobbee. So Mollee picked 10 pin bowlin and ah picked rugbee. See fing is ah says tae Mollee where are ewe going tae find 10 pins, coz ma Mum disnae leaf pins lying around incase we get hurted. Then she said it wiznae played wiff pins, but it wiz played wiff a big heavee ball. So wee got hur a pink wan cos shee is a girl dug and shee can noo play Wan Pin Bowlin - that pure sounds like a Chineeese man or sumfin and am no wan of they ratio peepells that disnae like udders frum an udder countree.

Nexx fing ah found a Rugbee ball in ma garden, way to go man, how cool wiz that?

This is Mollee wiff hur noo 1 pin bowlin ball.

Wee's have a picktoor of Mollee aboot tae take a shot, but fing shee wiz so far away, fur tae take a rite good shot, ewe couldnae see hur wiffout ewer glasses on!

Ah will let ewes see a picktoor of mee wiff ma Rugbee ball when ah rememburs where ah left it.

Hope ewes are all ok and no sad like ma Mum, Love fae Big Presley the Rugbee player xxxx

Gone to Rainbow Bridge xxx

Hullo all ewes oot there is mee heer big Presley. Noo fankfoolee wee havenae had an udder visit frum the Polish Guide in the turd cell, but he did break an udder glass todae, so hee's no gone back to spookee land yet.
Wees have bin rite sad fur a foo days hear at the open prizon in Lan Ark, cos see the fing is, an old friend of ma Mums has gone tae Rainbow Bridge tae bee wiff hur little dog that died last year. Noo see the fing is sum of ewes will ken the storee aboot ma half cat bruver called Denzil. He wiznae half a cat, but he wiz half a bruver! If ewes ken the storee aboot Denzil ewes will ken that hee died reel uneggspecktedlee after havin a stroke and the Vet Docktur asked ma Mum if Denzil had ever in his hole life bean involved in a bad acksident and hurted his heed. Ma Mum says that Denzil had niver had an acksident when he lived wiff hur, but maybees hee did befour.
Ma Mum wiz rite upset when Denzil died and she foned ma Antee Frances. Ma Antee Frances knoo Denzil befour he adopted ma Mum, and it turned oot shee said 'yes, Denzil pure did have an acksident and banged his heed'. Thats when ma Antee Frances had looked after Denzil and made him all betturs. Antee Frances also had a dog called Jade and a cat called Snookee. Poor Jade had bin reel bad aboosed as a wee dug - Jade wiz a hairy Jack Ruzzell and Frances got her frum..... wate fur this...... a Greyhound charitee!! Ah swears ta masell that is the troof. Anyway, wee Jade went tae Rainbow Bridge on 5th Febrooaree last yeer - ma hooman grate grans birffdae - try and keep up pleese!! Ma Mum has bin friends wiff Frances fur yeers noo, and wiz pure devastated to heer onlee a foo monffs ago that Snookee had cancer. Frances pure loved ma Mum and Dad and said, when Snookee goes, ah wants ewe to look efter hur, just like ewe did wiff Jade.
Mum and Dad were ment to go and visit Frances a foo weeks ago, but foned tae say ma Mum coulnae make it cos she had tae work, but tae give Snookee a big hug.
Well it wiznae ment tae be, coz ma Mum got a fone call on Friday tae say that ma Antee Frances wiznae well, she had taken wan of they Annewerism fings in the brain and wiz in hospeetals. Sadlee Antee Frances didnae make it and deesided on Saturdae tae go and bee wiff Jade at Rainbow Bridge.
It turns oot that Snookee wiz taken tae the vet on the Friday, and ma Mum foned Franceses son and said shee wid look efter wee Snookee furever. Am no soor wits happined tae Snookee, maybees ma Mum wiz too late, but if no, wee's will be getting an udder poosee cat tae live wiff us.
To ma Antee Frances, wee's all pure loved ewe, espeshally the biskits ewe allways had in ewer pocket fur mee and Mollee and Mac. Fur all the love ewe gave ma big bruver Kaz and fur all the love ewe geed tae make wee Denzil bettur when he wiz hurted. Mee and Mollee still plays wiff all Jades toys that ewe gave us and wee will niver forget ewe.
Nite, nite Antee Frances, pleese give Jade a big hug fae us all, and ah swear on ma ane life, that wee will rite look efter Snookee if its no too late. If its too late, ewe will ken befour us.
Love fae big Presley The King xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Polish Guide in wur hoose

Hullo its mee, ah have bin reel bizzee coz ah fink wee have a Polish Guide in wur hoose. Noo let mee eggsplane. Ewes ken ah reel likes spookee fings, well niver in a zillion yeers did ah fink ah wood have ma very ane Polish Guide, but its troo ah swears tae masell. Noo, fur unedoocated peepells, a Polish Guide is wan of they spooks who frows fings about the room, but hees no called Mr Sheen. Ma Mollee says wan of they spooks is called a Polltis Heist or somefin, but shee disnae ken mutch, cos a Polltis is sumfin fur a plook and a fink a heist is when ewes steel sumfin like bank robbers do, so ewes widnae want tae pure steel a plook.
Anyways, wit happined wiz thiz. Ma Mum wiz in wur cell. Wees are in the turd cell doon. Ma Mum wiz there wiff Mollee and mee and big Mac. Wee's wur beehind hur and Mollee wiz standin at the door oot tae the exercise yard. Next fing Big Mac pure cries oot, and he looks at mee. Ma Mum fot ah had pure hurted him or sumfin. But then shee seen wan of hur drawers wiz hangin doon. No, honest that is the troof. Noo this wiz wan of hur drawers that shee keep tools in, the wans shee uses when shee is making ma Dads dinner. Noo wur drawers are only aboot two yeers old so they shouldnae bee fallen doon allreddee. Ma Mum says oh how did that pure happin, and closed the drawer. Then she pure cuddells Mac, giving it all this 'aw poor Mac, did ewe get a big frite' rubbish.
Aboot an hoor later, the flamin drawer, not only came oot itsell, but it pure floo across the cell and landed in the middull of the floor. Ma Mum herd the bang and came runnin into wur cell. She pure seen the drawer in the middull of the floor and wit dae ewe fink she says! She says 'oh Presley, ewe is a notty boy'. Wit??? Wit wiz all that aboot?? Mee, ah pure didnae do nuffin, it wiz the Polish Guide. See fing iz ma Mum didnae beeleeve mee, when ah says wee had a Polish Guide in wur cell, but then she pure tired to lift the drawer and shee seen ah couldnae posseeblee have pooled that oot and flung it across the room. But did she say 'oh am rite sorree Presley', No shee didnae! So ah wiz rongfoolee accoosed. Wee Mollee wiz pure cryin coz shee wiz rite affraid, she said one of us could bee hurted by the Polish Guide.
Noo ah swear it wiznae mee, ah have bin a reelee good boy this week. Ah have only broke, wan glass, wan mug, and stole the appell pie. Noo theys finks they will blame the work of a Polish Guide on mee tae.
Am going tae set up ma camera tae see if ah can pure captoor wur reel ghost on a picktoor.
Rite ah must go noo, coz ah am settin up the ghost busters teem fur laters.
Love tae big Presley the ghost huntur. xxxxx

Sockin Noos!

Hullo all ewes oot there its mee heer big Presley. Mollee said ewes widnae rememburs mee, but ah says ewes wood. See fing is this. Ah have bin rite sad that the little burd floo away frum hur nest and sum one stole hur eggs. Ma Mum fot it wiz the crows and shee said she found eggshell at the crows tree. Wee are pure gutted wiff that. But wur neybur telt ma Mum no tae cry, coz it wiz still errlee eenuff in the seeson fur it tae build an udder nest. So thats cool.
Noo the udder fing is this, and this is reel sad, coz see fing is am in trubbles again. Diz ewes rememburs that ah telt ewe that ma Feeonsee Rag came tae see mee on Valentines day and wee pure kissed frew the bars of the open prizon. Well ah herd that Rag is noo pregnants wiff pups. Ah swear tae masell that is the troof!! Ah kens ewes is pure SOCKED, ah wiz pure SOCKED two!!
Noo see fing is am going tae bee a Dad and mee and Rag isnae even marreed yet! Ah hoped that the puppeees wid look like mee, but maybee best that they look like Rag and have ma Brains! That is probablee the best combinashon.
Noo that is no the sad fing. The sad fing is that Mollee said ah wiznae the Dad tae Rags puppees. She said it wiz a dog called Noah, like yon bloke fae the bible, that built a big boat. But ah dont fink that thats troo. So ah pure went on hungur strike! Ah swear tae masell ah did. Ah says ah wiznae going tae eet anymores dinners until Mollee stopped saying that ma Rag had pure cheeted on mee. So ma Mum telt Mollee no tae upsets mee and shee stopped sayin it fankfoolee, coz that ment ah could eet ma dinners. Ah wiz pure starvin, but ah wiz dane it fur a coz. Coz a coold. Az seen a picktoor of Rag and shee is like pure fat wiff her puppees. Am no normalees intae fat burds, but ah fink ma babe Rag looks pure the biziness and ah loves hur.
Talking of fat burds.... Mollee pure did time in the cooler two days ago. See wit happined wiz thiz. Ma Dad loves chicken fur his dinner. So when wan of the nayburs chickens came into wur gardin, Mollee fot it wid bee cool tae give it two ma Dad fur his dinner times. But see fing is, when she went tae pick it up she pure kilt it. Ah swear tae masell that is the troof. So wit did shee do, but pure dropped it and walked away. So ah picked it up tae give tae ma Dad, but first ah ran aroond the garden wiff it, tae show everyboddees how cool ma Mollee wiz. Mum and Dad wiznae pleesed wiff mee, so ah had tae dae time wiff Mollee in the cooler. Theys are so ungratefool. Thats why ah havenae bin aloud on the compootur. So ah have bin a good boy fur a hole day noo, so am aloud tae use the compootur again.
Ah will speek tae ewes all soon. Big, Big, Big hugs fur ma Feeonsee Rag - ah pure loves ewe.
Love fae big Presley the King xxx
Am away tae fink of names fur ma puppeees!

One floo oot the robins nest

Hullo all ewes oot there, am rite sorree ah have no bin around, but see fing is, ah had a reel importants job tae do fur the past foo weaks.
Wit happined wiz thiz and ah swear tae masell, its an udder troo storee. Wees had two reelee massive kennel fings at the bottom of wur gardin and ah called them the coolers. Noo see fing iz ma Mum pure hated them and said they made hur eyes sore, cos she wiz always sayin to ma Dad, wee's need to get rid of they eye sores. Anyway, ma Unkill Davey is a joiner and he came doon to wur open prizon and he pure nocked wan doon. Unkill Davey is rite nice, but ah finks he is eesilee confoosed, coz hee said the kennel wiz raised to the ground! Noo fing is, how could that bee? If they were bean built, they wood be raised from the ground, but no raised to the ground, so ah fink ah will need tae have a wurd wiff him nexx time ah see's him aboot his ingillish. But thats no the storee ah wiz going tae tell ewes. See when hee went tae nock doon the udder kennel, he pure found a burds nest in it, so he stopped workin - any eggscoose will dae Unkill Davey fur a coffeee brake. It wiz a robins nest wiff 5 eggs in it. How eggsitetin is that eh?
So Unkill Davey couldnt disturb thems and he pit mee in charge of the seecooritee of the nest.
He said he wid come back and finish the job when the burds had pure flown the nest in a foo weeks.
The nest is rite high up, so ah canny see intae the nest, but ma Mum did manage tae get a picktoor of the burd in hur nest - shee took the picktoor frum miles away, so she didnae disturb thems.
Noo fing is, ah have bin pure sittin doon at the bottom of the gardin, all day pure guarding them eggs wiff ma life, and ah got ma Dad to check on thems a foo days ago and make soor theys were ok. Ewes will no beeleeve wit he said. This is a reel sock! Somewun had pure gone beehind ma back and stole 4 of the eggs! Ah swear that is the troof. Ah only had wan egg tae look efter and ma Mum wiz rite upsets.
Well noo fur the reelee sad noos. Ah have sat guardin the old kennel fur free weeks noo and ah havenae seen the mummy robin fur too days, an am rite upset, cos this wiz ma first job dane seecooritee and ah havenae bin paid yet.
Ma Mum also has bloo tits. Wate wan minnit!! Ah meens bloo tits in a nest, but they are reel safe coz they are in the old eggstractor vent in the wall of the prizon, rite beeside the turd cell where mee and Mollee lives. And, wee's has two crows nests in the big tree in the lane.
Noo ma feeree is that the crows have pure stole ma robins eggs, coz wee's disnae have any Magpies in wur gardin.
If ewes want to send a 'pleese come back' kard fur the robin, and sum monee fur mee tae bye it burd food, pleese send it to mee King Presley Cheef of Seecooritee at Lan Ark Open Prizon.
Ah will let ewe kens who stole the eggs, when ah find oot. Rite am off tae check on the emptee nest.
Love fae Presley the King xxx
Pee Ess, I will rite sum more toomorrows and tell ewe aboot ma brill day at the Costa Del Berwick, norff of Spane, neer ma Antee Noras.