Polish Guide in wur hoose

Hullo its mee, ah have bin reel bizzee coz ah fink wee have a Polish Guide in wur hoose. Noo let mee eggsplane. Ewes ken ah reel likes spookee fings, well niver in a zillion yeers did ah fink ah wood have ma very ane Polish Guide, but its troo ah swears tae masell. Noo, fur unedoocated peepells, a Polish Guide is wan of they spooks who frows fings about the room, but hees no called Mr Sheen. Ma Mollee says wan of they spooks is called a Polltis Heist or somefin, but shee disnae ken mutch, cos a Polltis is sumfin fur a plook and a fink a heist is when ewes steel sumfin like bank robbers do, so ewes widnae want tae pure steel a plook.
Anyways, wit happined wiz thiz. Ma Mum wiz in wur cell. Wees are in the turd cell doon. Ma Mum wiz there wiff Mollee and mee and big Mac. Wee's wur beehind hur and Mollee wiz standin at the door oot tae the exercise yard. Next fing Big Mac pure cries oot, and he looks at mee. Ma Mum fot ah had pure hurted him or sumfin. But then shee seen wan of hur drawers wiz hangin doon. No, honest that is the troof. Noo this wiz wan of hur drawers that shee keep tools in, the wans shee uses when shee is making ma Dads dinner. Noo wur drawers are only aboot two yeers old so they shouldnae bee fallen doon allreddee. Ma Mum says oh how did that pure happin, and closed the drawer. Then she pure cuddells Mac, giving it all this 'aw poor Mac, did ewe get a big frite' rubbish.
Aboot an hoor later, the flamin drawer, not only came oot itsell, but it pure floo across the cell and landed in the middull of the floor. Ma Mum herd the bang and came runnin into wur cell. She pure seen the drawer in the middull of the floor and wit dae ewe fink she says! She says 'oh Presley, ewe is a notty boy'. Wit??? Wit wiz all that aboot?? Mee, ah pure didnae do nuffin, it wiz the Polish Guide. See fing iz ma Mum didnae beeleeve mee, when ah says wee had a Polish Guide in wur cell, but then she pure tired to lift the drawer and shee seen ah couldnae posseeblee have pooled that oot and flung it across the room. But did she say 'oh am rite sorree Presley', No shee didnae! So ah wiz rongfoolee accoosed. Wee Mollee wiz pure cryin coz shee wiz rite affraid, she said one of us could bee hurted by the Polish Guide.
Noo ah swear it wiznae mee, ah have bin a reelee good boy this week. Ah have only broke, wan glass, wan mug, and stole the appell pie. Noo theys finks they will blame the work of a Polish Guide on mee tae.
Am going tae set up ma camera tae see if ah can pure captoor wur reel ghost on a picktoor.
Rite ah must go noo, coz ah am settin up the ghost busters teem fur laters.
Love tae big Presley the ghost huntur. xxxxx