One floo oot the robins nest

Hullo all ewes oot there, am rite sorree ah have no bin around, but see fing is, ah had a reel importants job tae do fur the past foo weaks.
Wit happined wiz thiz and ah swear tae masell, its an udder troo storee. Wees had two reelee massive kennel fings at the bottom of wur gardin and ah called them the coolers. Noo see fing iz ma Mum pure hated them and said they made hur eyes sore, cos she wiz always sayin to ma Dad, wee's need to get rid of they eye sores. Anyway, ma Unkill Davey is a joiner and he came doon to wur open prizon and he pure nocked wan doon. Unkill Davey is rite nice, but ah finks he is eesilee confoosed, coz hee said the kennel wiz raised to the ground! Noo fing is, how could that bee? If they were bean built, they wood be raised from the ground, but no raised to the ground, so ah fink ah will need tae have a wurd wiff him nexx time ah see's him aboot his ingillish. But thats no the storee ah wiz going tae tell ewes. See when hee went tae nock doon the udder kennel, he pure found a burds nest in it, so he stopped workin - any eggscoose will dae Unkill Davey fur a coffeee brake. It wiz a robins nest wiff 5 eggs in it. How eggsitetin is that eh?
So Unkill Davey couldnt disturb thems and he pit mee in charge of the seecooritee of the nest.
He said he wid come back and finish the job when the burds had pure flown the nest in a foo weeks.
The nest is rite high up, so ah canny see intae the nest, but ma Mum did manage tae get a picktoor of the burd in hur nest - shee took the picktoor frum miles away, so she didnae disturb thems.
Noo fing is, ah have bin pure sittin doon at the bottom of the gardin, all day pure guarding them eggs wiff ma life, and ah got ma Dad to check on thems a foo days ago and make soor theys were ok. Ewes will no beeleeve wit he said. This is a reel sock! Somewun had pure gone beehind ma back and stole 4 of the eggs! Ah swear that is the troof. Ah only had wan egg tae look efter and ma Mum wiz rite upsets.
Well noo fur the reelee sad noos. Ah have sat guardin the old kennel fur free weeks noo and ah havenae seen the mummy robin fur too days, an am rite upset, cos this wiz ma first job dane seecooritee and ah havenae bin paid yet.
Ma Mum also has bloo tits. Wate wan minnit!! Ah meens bloo tits in a nest, but they are reel safe coz they are in the old eggstractor vent in the wall of the prizon, rite beeside the turd cell where mee and Mollee lives. And, wee's has two crows nests in the big tree in the lane.
Noo ma feeree is that the crows have pure stole ma robins eggs, coz wee's disnae have any Magpies in wur gardin.
If ewes want to send a 'pleese come back' kard fur the robin, and sum monee fur mee tae bye it burd food, pleese send it to mee King Presley Cheef of Seecooritee at Lan Ark Open Prizon.
Ah will let ewe kens who stole the eggs, when ah find oot. Rite am off tae check on the emptee nest.
Love fae Presley the King xxx
Pee Ess, I will rite sum more toomorrows and tell ewe aboot ma brill day at the Costa Del Berwick, norff of Spane, neer ma Antee Noras.