Rev I AM Molly

Deer Subjects, its no Presley its mee, the Rev I AM Molly, udder wise kent as Molly Mouse Hunter.
Mee and Presley haz bin lookin back over 2000008 and finkin aboot everyfin that haz happined tae us hear at the open prizon in Lan Ark, and fings that haz happined tae wur brovers and sisssters and tae wur mum and dad. Two fousand and ate, haz bin a rite funnee yeer fur uz all.
The furst half of the yeer wiz reelee good, coz mee and Presley and big black Mac, wur on the tellys and wees wur rite faemoss, noo that wiz cool. Ma mum wiz reelee bizzee at work, witch wiz good fur hur, but no so good fur the peepells who ma mum wiz helpin. Then in the summer times wee had a dug called Keeera stayin wiff uz and Presley pure fanceed hur, so ah went aff ma nut at him and geed him a rite tankin fur tryin tae play leep frog wiff hur. Then ma bootifool big sisster Roobee took no well and she had hur leg ampootated. So tae make hur feel better, Presley fot it wid bee a good idear fur mee and him tae tie wur legs togeffer and have a free legged race wiff Roobee. Az spent pure ages tryin tae tell him that if wees tied wur legs togeffer it wid be a 7 legged race, but he pure didnae undertand ma feeree coz hee iz fick. Presley got tae meet hiz long lost brover Aaron. Noo that wiz pure cool, az finks theys are twins and no brovers, coz they looked the sames. Pure glakit wiff long legs and they stoopid eers!! But Arron wiz rite cool and hee haz turned oot tae bee a furrelee nice dug and wees hope he will always bee happee in hiz home. Ma mum pure cried at seenin Aaron efter all these yeers, well free yeers anyways, and still cannee get over the fact that the rescoo place found a home fur him and shee agreed tae give him up. That wiz a rite bad mistake. See fing iz, Aaron is treeted like a dug and wees are treated like a King and Queen. No...ah meen, am the Queen no Presley!.
Then a foo days ago ma Mum wiz cryin again, coz wee fot old Wizzee Wong wiznae goin tae make it tae the noo yeers. Poor old Wizzee Wong took reel ill and wees had tae call in the vet fur him. The Vet took oot a rite big neeedell and ma Mum fot it wiz with end fur Wizzee. But then Wizzee pure tried tae bite the vet and telt the vet tae get hiz neeedell tae ......!!!! Well best no say where hee telt the vet tae stick hiz neeedell. Mee and Presley pure laffed fur ages at the look on the vets face. So old wizzee wong haz lived an udder day, tae sleep fur an udder day, and weee hope that hee will bee around fur a long time and tell uz more storees about hiz time in the wars.
Mee and Presley had a rite nice Kissma ass time, and wee both got noo collars. Presleys collar is Royal Blue, coz hee iz like a King, and az got a silver wan wiff love harts, coz az am the Queen.
Mee and Presley have had wur ups and wur downs, but eenuff aboot Presley playin leep frog wiff mee. Wee fink wiff Roobee no bin well and Wizzee Wong no bean well its no bin a very good yeer fur uz. But ma Mum iz bookin Presley in tae see a Sikyatrist, tae see if they can dae anyfin aboot hiz moufin. Ah stopped dane that when ah wiz a puppeee, but Presley still does it and its pure sore if hee acksidentally bites ewe.
Old Zorro iz still goin strong, but wees fot wees wid leeve hiz boddee tae the vet dockurs fur scientific reserch and baffell them forever.
Presley iz in the cooler fur well....jist bean Presley......thats so funnee!! So hee couldnae come and rite tae ewes all.
But wees hope that ewes will have a rite good noo yeer and Presley will bee back next yeers if hee can be a good boy fur once. Happee noo yeers tae ewe all and az hope ewes have a better times than uz, coz wees will bee in wur beds by then.
Lots and lots of love tae all ma subjects, love Queeen Mollee and Elvis Presley the King xxxxx

Deer Santa Paws

Deer Santa Paws
Hullo, its mee hear big Presley, an az am wantin tae tell ewe wit ah wid like fur ma Kissmass. Az have fot aboot this fur ages and ah wid like all the fings on ma list, but if ewe can only manage wan, ah guess ah will have tae sack ewe.
Numbur. Wan.
Can ewe pleese ask Mollee tae stop killin wur Mr Jingles and try and catch wan that wees can keep fur a pet. She haz pure kilt aboot 956,003 mice....oops no make that 956,004 - thats an udder won kilt.
Numbur. Too.
Can ewe arrange fur mee tae marree Rag (but dont tell Mollee) That wid be rite bigamee an cool, fur tae have too babe wifes.
Turd Fing.
Can ewe arrange fur mee tae work wiff the Poliss az ah Poliss Dug. Noo see fing iz, mee and Mollee wiz watchin the tellys the udder nite and ah pure seen a Poliss dug in ackshon. Wit happined wiz thiz. A man wiz pure runnin away frum the Poliss and the Poliss Man let the Poliss Dug aff the leed tae chase the man. Noo ah fot that wiz rite cool, but then efter aboot 2 hoors the Poliss Dug like pure cot the man hee wiz chasin and then hee played tug of war wiff his jacket. Mollee fot the Poliss Dug wiz rite cool dane that and ah fink shee pure fanceed him. Noo ah fink ah wid bee reelee good at this and make a rite cool Poliss Dug. Coz ah can run rite fast, and ah loves playin tug of wars. Mind ewe, ah prefers playin tug of war wiff the skin on hoomans hands and arms rather than wiff the jackets theys iz wearin. The reeson fur thiz iz that, the hoomans makes rite funnee faces when ah plays thiz game and ma Mollee pure laffs at the faces the hoomans make. Sumtines the hoomans even adds in sound effects if az plays tug of wars wiff udder parts of there bodees, an thats reel cool. So ah wid like it fur ewe tae arrange fur mee tae bee a Poliss Dug and then ah will be able tae get oot of ma prizon cell fur the day and go and play Poliss games all days.
Can ewes picktoor mee as a reel Frank Drebbin fae naked gun? How cool wid that bee. Ah fink az wid even get awards fur ma work and that beets bean a seecoority dug here at the open prizon.
Numbur Fore
Ah dont have a numbur fore
Numbur five
Can ewe pleese gee mee a noo collar. Ah wid like a Gold wan or a Silver wan, but no wan wiff flour's on it.
Rite thats it, fank ewe very mutch.
Love fae Big Presley the next Poliss Dug! xxxx

Postee Postee, dont be slow bee like Elvis go man go

Hullo its mee, az hopes ewes are all az pure egg sited az me, coz Santa Paws will bee hear soon.
Noo az have an udder troo storee fur ewes and ewes will no beeleeve mee when ah tells ewe, but mee and Mollee have bin pure laffin all days aboot thiz.
See, wit happined wiz thiz, aboot a yeer ago wur old postee retired coz ah fink hee wiz aboot 129 yeers old or sumfin. Noo ever since hee went tae sit at hame all days watchin the tellys, wees have hud every postee in the hole of the world deliverin wur male. Sum days wees wid get wur male and udder days wee widnae. Sum days it wid be delivered at 11am's and udder days it wiznae hear until 3pm's. Wees have bin gettin all wur nayburs males and theys have bin gettin all hours. Then credit card bills wid go missin and ma Mum wiz like pure charged fur no payin the bill.
Ma Mum did fone the postee place and telt thems the problem, but they wiznae bovered. Eventuallees ma Mum pure foned the heed of the royal male, noo am no sure who that iz, but az finks the heed of the royal male must be the queen, coz hur face iz on the stamps. Noo they did pure take ma Mums complaint rite seereus and they said they wid dae sumfin aboot it.
Well thiz mornins wur male arrived at 10 am's and ma Mum wiz rite egg sited.
Then wees looked tae make soor it wiz all hour male and thiz wiz the funnee bit. Wees had letturs addressed tae Mr & Mrs Preslee, Lanark Open Prison and In-Mates, King Presley and Miss Mollee Mouse Hunter, The Murville Famelee, King Presley the Fillosifer, King Presley the Babe Magnet and King Presley the Pedigree Lurcher. Well az pure laffed fur ages, az fot that wiz so funnee. Noo can ewes imagine wit wur postee finks reedin aboot who all stays in thiz hoose.
The postee must have fot to himsell, wit iz that wummin on, pure complainin aboot hur male when there must bee aboot 12 fousand peepells includin a King living in that hoose.
Mee and Mollee pure laffed fur ages, wees reelee liked that.
So az jizt wantid tae say a big fank ewe tae everybuddees that sent uz males fur wur Kissmass and ah wid like tae make a speshall menshon tae ma Feeonsee, Rag ma Crufts Beauty Queen who sent mee the most lovelee est picktoor ah haz ever seen. Az have pit it on ma cell wall next tae ma bed and az will dreem of hur every nites. But pleese dont tell ma Mollee udder wise ah will get an udder tankin.
Love and Peese tae all frum Presley the King xxxx

Ma Mum loves Number twos!

Hullo, az wiz goin tae rite ma blog earlee er but mee and Mollee couldnae stop laffin. Noo ewe all kens mee and ewe kens as am a rite compasshonate dug, but see fing iz, az have a fing aboot laffin when udders are no laffin. Ah cannee help masell and ma mollee cannee help hursell.
Noo thiz iz a troo storee and az swears tae masell thiz iz the troof. Wit happined wiz thiz. See ma Mum, shee pure loves numbur twos. Noo befour ewes go off on wan, wate until ah tells ewes why. Noo remebur ma Dad pure took wur car fur sum off road drivin, then ma Mum felt left oot, so shee let a man pure slam intae hur frum behind. Well that wiz acksident number two! Well ewes will no beleevee wit happined todays. Ma Mum haz had toofake fur like free weeks noo and wees wur all fed up listenin tae hur greetin. So too weeks ago she got her appointment wiff the Vet Dentist and hee pure poked hur aboot and said hee wid need tae doo a bit of gardening in her moof. Noo when az says gardening, wit ah meens iz that hee wiz goin tae work on the roots.
So hee pure gave ma Mum two rite big injections. (See there is the numbur too again!). Ma Mum pure suffered fur a hole week, until shee couldnae take anymores, and ended up getting the Vet doctur tae give hur rite strong pain killers that made hur even mare dizzy than she normally iz!! The next times shee seen the Vet Dentist he geed hur an udder too injections and pure finished working on the root. Fankfoolee that wiz it over. But wate it wiznae! Ma Mum pure woke up thiz mornin, well we fink shee woke up, coz shee looked like she wiz deed. Shee wiz greetin again. Next fing the Vet Dentist foned and telt ma Mum tae go back tae them rite away. Noo thiz iz the funnee bit....ewes will no beeleeve it.....the Vet Dentist discovered that he pure fixed the rong root. It wiz the toof next tae the wan he fixed that wiz broken. So ma Mum iz pure havin tae get an udder session wiff the Vet Dentist tae fix the rite toof. But hee geed hur an udder too big injections. This time he pure paralised hur hole half face and shee came home lookin like shee had dun too rounds wiff Mike Dyson!! Well, mee and Mollee pure laffed so much, az finks Mollee wet hursell, and ah swears too ewe that iz the troof. Noo everybuddee iz pure sayin tae ma Mum 'so ewe reelee wur in pane fur all these weaks'.
So az ewe can sea ma Mum pure loves numbur twos, ah meen who else dae ewe ken that diz everyfin in toos, sept old Wizzy Wonga ??
Well ah must go noo, coz ma belly iz sore wiff laffin. Hope ewes have a nice day TWOday!!! LOL
Big Presley the King Docktur xxxx

Bloo Seep

Hullo everyboddees, az am up reelee earlee today coz its gettin neer Kissmass time an mee and Mollees iz pure excited. Well ma Roobee iz mutch better todays, az didnae ken wit wiz wrang wiff hur, shee wiz actin like ma Dad diz efter hee's haz had a foo drinks - like pure confoosed.
Noo wees iz confoosed coz wees didnae ken wit wiz up wiff hur.
Noo az promised ewes ah wid tells ewes a funnee storee and az swears tae masell this iz the troof. Sum readers may find the content of this storree pure shockin.
See wit happined wiz this. Mee and Mollee wur oot in the car wiff ma Mum a foo weeks ago and wees wur drivin doon the road past all the seeps in the fields. Mee and Mollee pure shout aboose at the seeps by tellin them that a woolf iz behind thems, its reelee funnee and Mollee giggells all the times. Anyways, next fing az saw and a swear tae masell thiz iz the troof, az pure seen a seep wearing loads of leather straps on his body! He looked like hee wiz makin wan of they pure rood movies. Az fot it wiz called a Bandage Movie, but am no sure if its called that, coz ah had a bandage once and it wiznae made of leather. Well, this wan seep wiff the leather geer on, wiz playin leep frog wiff all the udder seeps in the feeld. He wiz havin a pure ball. But thiz iz the rood bit, coz ewe widnae beelevee wit he did behind the seeps backs when hee played leep frog. Hee wiz pure sprayin them wiff bloo paint. Az said oh no sh... a brick, wits hee dane that fur, an az wiz shoutin at the seeps tryin tae tell them, but theys fot az wiz cryin woolf again and theys all ignored mee. A foo days later wees past this feeld again and ewe will no beelevee wit az seen. Every last wan of the seeps in the feeld had bloo paint on thems, honest they did. So that seep in the leather geer, had pure played leep frog wiff every last wan of thems. Noo wit az want tae know iz how diz hee tell all hiz babes apart, coz they all looks the sames tae mee. Az finks hee should have painted them different colors tae tell thems apart.
Wee Mollee jist pure giggled all the times when shee seen all the bloo seep. So if ewes sees any bloo seep or udders wiff paint on them, ewes will ken theys have bin playin leep frog wiff the seep in the Bandage geer. Rite, am off tae find a tin of bloo paint. Molleee, oh Molleee, where are ewe. Love and peese from King Presley xxxx

Am in the dug hoose

Hullo all ewes, az hopes ewes are dane better than mee, coz az am in the dug hoose.....eye again!!
See fing iz, thiz wit happined tae mee. Ma Mum and Dad pure decided tae splash oot and bye a rite expensive kissmass tree. It wiz gold. But see fing iz, ah fot that coz it wiz gold that it must bee wan of they On-sweet fings fur a King like me. So az waited until it wiz all reddy fur mee and ah used it. Next fing az heers iz ma Mum pure screemin - noo, its no eesy tae stop mid flow, but ah did ma best. Ma Mum says am no aloud tae use ma noo on-sweet in the livings room. Noo az swears tae masell that is pure the troof. Wits the point in havin an indoor lavee and ewer no aloud tae use it. It must bee there to like pure impress udder dogs that wees haz a gold toilet in wur hoose. But see fing iz, its diznae work, coz ma Mum says Presley that is pure oot of order! Maybees theys iz waitin fur a plumber tae plum it in or sumfin. So if ewes are comin tae visit mee, rememburs ewes cannee use wur noo on-sweet yet.
Am away off tae rite ma kissmass list tae Santa Paws and tae look efter ma big sistur Roobee who isnae very well todays. Shee iz so pure a babe, and az gets upsets when shee isnae well.
Az will let ewes ken how shee iz tomorrows.
Love fae Presley the King xxx

Kismass Song

Hullo, yes az am back and am mutch better noo that az am over my dug floo!! Fank ewes fur all ma get betters cards, but next times am no well, can ewes jist send mee the monee instead. Fanks.
Noo az didnae spend all ma ill days jist bean ill, az wiz listening tae the box wiff no wires. Its called a wireless fur any uneducated peepells. Noo there wiz an old codger that kept singging a song, hiz name wizz sumfin tae dae wiff a rock - day ewe kens who az am meenin? Eye, it wiz Cliff. Thats a cool name. Az liked hiz singging very mutch, but he didnae sing all the wurds rite, so az made up sum of ma ane. The song iz aboot the cold weather and it wiz called Missin Toes and Wine. Noo wit az wid like ewes all tae day is tae sing along wiff mee and ma version goes like this.

The dug is a King, the udders they swing
The old yeer is passed, Bazil haz sum gass,
Dreems of Santa, dreems of ssnow
Wur paws are numb, wur bums are aglow

Korus
Kissmass time missin toes and wine
Wees are fartin all the time
Wur logs are on fire
Wees iz peein on the trees

Wiff food in wur bellys, Wizzy legs are like jelly
A time fur eating, everfin wees sees
A time fur living, a time fur getting
A time fur thursting, A time fur lusting
Kissmass time is love Kissmass is a feest
When ah gets ma paws on Mollee
I'll show hur am a beest

Korus
Kissmas time missin toes and wine
Wees are fartin all the time
Wur logs are on fire
Wees iz peein on the trees

Noo when ewes all heer old Rock face singging thiz song ewes can fink of mee, but rememburs dont bee turds change the wurds!
Rite az will need tae go noo, but if ewes like ma song, az will let ewes heer ma vershun of Hart of Gass. Bye for noo, big Presley the songriter, fillosifur, orfur, poet and lover of all the beetches. xxx

Dug Floo

Hullo all ewes oot there, az cannee rite mutch todays coz az am no well and az finks az will need tae see a Docktur. Az haz Dug Floo. Noo Dug Floo iz like man floo, an az am no feelin masell.
Az had lots tae tell ewes, coz wee got wur noo car the udder dae, and ewes will no beeleeve it, but it pure looks like a herse. Az swears tae masell it does.
Az will have tae go back tae ma sick bed coz az didnae ken wits up wiff mee. Maybees az have bin poisuned eatin ma Mums mince or somfin, but Mollees iz pure fine.
Az spent sum time wiff the pussy cats that lives hear and maybees Charlee haz pit a Dug Floo spell on mee or sumfin. Mollee isnae aloud tae spend times wiff wur cats, coz shee like pure dribbles when shee sees cats and thats no nice.
Az am going tae fill ma hot water bottle and goes back tae ma bed and feel rite sorree fur masell.
Az will speeks tae ewes all tomorrows if az am feelin better.
Love tae ewes all, fae Big Presley the King xxx

Ssssnow way man

Hullo all ewes ma fans out there. Noo ma englilish isnae very good, so maybees az should have rit, hullo all ewes ma fannees out there. Az will check ma grammur later so az didnae offend anyones. Well see fing iz, mee and Mollee have bin playin in the exercise yard here at Lan Ark, coz its pure covered in snow. Wees pure loves the ssnow, well no the yellow ssnow and wees reelee hates the brown ssnow. Wizzy always seems tae bee neer brown ssnow, so az finks he likes it! So az wiz talkin tae ma Mum and she said shee wid build mee and Mollee a ssnow man, but az didnae want a ssnow man, so az asked her if she wid help mee and Mollee build a ssnow dug. She said she wid, but she pure hasnae, coz she haz bin pure running all over the country wiff hur work. Shee is like oot at work fur like aboot 30 hours in wan day, to helps udder peepells who are pure sad.
So fing iz shee iz gettin wur udder noo car todays, coz the windaes have bin pure blacked oot in it noo, so shee can use it fur hur work. Shee bott the car in Engerland, where shee goes tae work. Az finks she wid have bin better bying a ssnow mowbeel tae drive up and down to Engerland in, but no, shee fott shee pure kent better and bott a car. Wit a tube!!
Shee said shee wid build wur ssnow dug twomorrows if shee isnae two bizee, but az finks az will ask my sycho Dad tae build mee wan, coz hee jist pure sits aboot all day and stares at hiz compootur.
Az will tell ewes all wit wur noo car iz like when ma Mum gets homes frum Engerland tonites.
Have a nice days and az will speek tae ewes all later, coz az have a rite funee storee tae tell ewes.
Love fae Big Presley the King xxx

Ma Mums bin cheetin on us

Well ewes will no beeleeve wits happined tae mee and ma Mollee, wees are frum a brokin home. Ma Mum haz pure bin cheetin on us. Az swears tae masell she haz.
Noo let mee tell ewes aboot it. See ma Dad wiz pure asked tae bee a judge and az finks ma Mum must have bin the jewree. Anyways, off theys goes yisterdae and theys left mee and Mollee and all the udder inmates in wur cells and wees sat and waited fur wur antee ehleen tae come and let uz oot. Noo wur antee ehleen iz pretty cool, coz shee gives us loads of liver treats and wees play wiff hur.
Eventuallee ma Mum and Dad came home and az pure smelt theys had bin cheetin on mee wiff udder dogs. Theys canny lye tae mee, coz am no stoopid. And az seen hairs on ma Mums troosers, so thats how ah kent. Then az herd them sayin somfin aboot Kissmass Time and how wees wid bee rite pleesed wiff what Santa Paws had bott uz fur wur Kissmass. Ah fot tae masell, oh no wae man, theys have only gone an pure got dug numbur ate!!
So az had tae turn dicktective and find oot wit wiz gone on. Az waited until ma dinner times, and then az pure looked aboot everywhere fur cloos. Then az pure seen it!!! A bag, and ewes will no beeleeve wit wiz in it. There wiz like sevin noo dug collars! Honestlee, that iz pure the troof. So az finks Santa Paws iz bringing uz no wan, but sevin dugs tae live wiff uz!!
Az have bin finkin aboot noo names fur the noo dugs and az finks az will call them effter Santa Paws raindears, coz that wid bee rite cool.
Az will let ewes ken wit az have decided tae call ma noo brovers and sisters, but in the meentimes, az am no going tae let on az kens the troof and az will make ma Mum and Dads life a pure misery fur cheetin on mees wiff udder dogs.
Lots of love, fae Big Presley the King xxx