Postee Postee, dont be slow bee like Elvis go man go

Hullo its mee, az hopes ewes are all az pure egg sited az me, coz Santa Paws will bee hear soon.
Noo az have an udder troo storee fur ewes and ewes will no beeleeve mee when ah tells ewe, but mee and Mollee have bin pure laffin all days aboot thiz.
See, wit happined wiz thiz, aboot a yeer ago wur old postee retired coz ah fink hee wiz aboot 129 yeers old or sumfin. Noo ever since hee went tae sit at hame all days watchin the tellys, wees have hud every postee in the hole of the world deliverin wur male. Sum days wees wid get wur male and udder days wee widnae. Sum days it wid be delivered at 11am's and udder days it wiznae hear until 3pm's. Wees have bin gettin all wur nayburs males and theys have bin gettin all hours. Then credit card bills wid go missin and ma Mum wiz like pure charged fur no payin the bill.
Ma Mum did fone the postee place and telt thems the problem, but they wiznae bovered. Eventuallees ma Mum pure foned the heed of the royal male, noo am no sure who that iz, but az finks the heed of the royal male must be the queen, coz hur face iz on the stamps. Noo they did pure take ma Mums complaint rite seereus and they said they wid dae sumfin aboot it.
Well thiz mornins wur male arrived at 10 am's and ma Mum wiz rite egg sited.
Then wees looked tae make soor it wiz all hour male and thiz wiz the funnee bit. Wees had letturs addressed tae Mr & Mrs Preslee, Lanark Open Prison and In-Mates, King Presley and Miss Mollee Mouse Hunter, The Murville Famelee, King Presley the Fillosifer, King Presley the Babe Magnet and King Presley the Pedigree Lurcher. Well az pure laffed fur ages, az fot that wiz so funnee. Noo can ewes imagine wit wur postee finks reedin aboot who all stays in thiz hoose.
The postee must have fot to himsell, wit iz that wummin on, pure complainin aboot hur male when there must bee aboot 12 fousand peepells includin a King living in that hoose.
Mee and Mollee pure laffed fur ages, wees reelee liked that.
So az jizt wantid tae say a big fank ewe tae everybuddees that sent uz males fur wur Kissmass and ah wid like tae make a speshall menshon tae ma Feeonsee, Rag ma Crufts Beauty Queen who sent mee the most lovelee est picktoor ah haz ever seen. Az have pit it on ma cell wall next tae ma bed and az will dreem of hur every nites. But pleese dont tell ma Mollee udder wise ah will get an udder tankin.
Love and Peese tae all frum Presley the King xxxx