Gee the man hiz medall

Hullo all ewes oot there. Noo first fings first. Ma Mum says am no aloud tae say 'ewes is ma fannees'. Shee said the wurd am lookin fur iz Fans. Well am no so soor, an ah says tae hur that ma fannees will no kent wit ah meen, theys will fink ah have forgottin how tae spell or sumfin.
Anyways, wees had a pure brillent weakend, coz ma Unkill George came tae stay wiff uz and hee iz so pur funnee and hee made mee and Mollee laff at all hiz troo storees. See ma Mum haz bin friends wiff Unkill George fur aboot 68 years or sumfin, its a rite long time.
Noo fing iz, ma Unkill George wiz a pollisman fur aboot 27 of they yeers, but no a WTC, fur uneducated peepells that stands fur Wooden Top Cop, hee wiz in the seereeus crime squad and hee had a gun, so hee delt wiff reel seereeus fings like ma pal on the tellys Taggart, who works oot who did murrdurs. Cool eh? Anyways when ma Unkill George wiz a pollisman, hee got a certificate fur bean brave, it wiz the highest commendation a pollisman can get. Noo normallees a pollisman wid get a medal fur tae go wiff thiz certificate, but hee niver got hiz medal, so ah deecided tae turn dog dickective and find oot why not. Ah fund the ansur in a book ritten by the heed of the seereeus crime squad. Ewes will no beeleeve it, but it turns oot that Unkill George pure swore at a robber when hee arrested him! Ah swears tae masell that iz the troof. The WTC brigade of nut job seenur officers, the wans that are two afraid tae leeve there desks, deecided that wiznae PC, which stands fur Pollisman Currsin. Noo ah cannee repeet wit it wiz that hee said eggactlee, but wit hee said wiz 'move and I'll blow yer f....... heed aff'. Noo ah finks that wiz PC an ah finks if mare pollis did thiz tae robbers, wees wid live in a safer world.
Ma Mollee wiz pure greetin when ah telt hur that storree, coz shee fot Unkill George wid dae that tae hur fur killin the mice in the gerdin. But see fing iz, wit shee didnae ken wiz that ah had telt ma Unkill that shee kilt them bye acksident and didnae mean tae, so it wiz moose slaughter and no man slaughter. Ah fot it wiz funnee tae let hur fink hee had come fur tae arrest hur and maybees shee will catch uz a moose fur tae keep az a pet in the hoose next times. Efter shee had pure wet hersell fur the turd time, ah telt hur hee wiz retired frum the Pollis noo and couldnae arrest hur. The look on hur face wiz pure funnee.
Anyways, ah finks ma Unkill should get hiz medal, but no fur swearin, fur bean pals wiff ma Mum fur so many yeers. Noo ah fink that over the commin monffs ah will tell ewe sum of ma Unkills rite funnee storees, hee iz a pure hoot and mee and Mollee hope wee will see him soon tae tell uz sum mare storees of bean a Pollisman and maybees hee could get mee a job az a Pollis Dug. Rite az am aff tae play in the ssssssssnnoooowwww!! wey hey Molleee!!
Love fae big Presley the next Pollis Dug. xxxx