Pure Eegit Man

Hullo all ewes oot there, hows it goin?
Well mee and Mollee haz had a rite nice day, and so haz Captin and hiz burd. Noo see fing iz, Captins burd diznae look too well, so ma Mum foned the Burd Vet and hee said hee wiz used tae deelin wiff burds and hee kent wit tae doo wiff a doo. So ma Mum took Captin and hiz burd tae see him and hee geed the burd medisin fur tae make hur better. But fing iz, the Burd Vet said tae pit sum blackcurrent joose in the water tae disguise the taste of the medisin. Wees diznae have blacurrent joose, so when ma Mum came home she took mee and Mollee tae the sops tae bye sum. But fing iz when wees went tae drive oot frum wur hoose a big Argos lorree wiz blockin wur driveway. Ma Mum says in hur best posh electrocushon voice, 'scoose mee, could ewe pleese move ewer lorree'. Tae whitch the man replied 'naw, no fur an udder fore minits, coz of ma tackograff'. Mee and Mollee pure laffed at him sayin that tae ma Mum. So ma Mum says 'well could ewe pleese reverse doon the lane a bit tae let mee oot'. The man says 'Naw, no fur an udder fore minits'. Well see ma Mums face it wiz a pure picktoor and mee and Mollee wiz laffin wur heeds aff. Az says tae Mollee, omg, hear comes yon red mist stuff!! Az swears tae masell, thats the troof, ah pure seen it comin doon over ma Mum and wees wur shoutin, gee him a tankin Mum. Noo am no sure if wees helped or made fings wurse, but it wiz rite funnee. Next fing ma Mum says 'If ewes dont move ewer lorree, I will stick ewer tackograff where the sun diznae shine'. Ah finks that wiz the bit that Mollee laffed so mutch shee pure wet hersell in ma Mums noo car. Ah fink the man in the lorree pure understood exactlee where that place is that the sun dont shine coz hee pure moved hiz lorree. Ah wiz pokin ma heed oot the windae tryin tae look rite feersum, but its no eezy when ewe is laffin so mutch. Anyways, off wees go, fore minits later tae the sopps.
But ma Mum haz a memoree like a goldfiss, and shee pure forgot why shee had took uz tae the sopps. So wees went tae the park insted. That wiz rite cool. Mee and Mollees had the park tae wursells, like a private park or sumfin. So that wiz ma rite cool dae, so noo am away fur a sleeps, and ma Mum iz away back tae the sopps fur blackcurrent joose fur the burd.
Love tae ma Antee Noras, love fae big Presley the King xxxxx