Its pure Sssssnowin hear!

Deer everybuddees, az cannee beeleeve it, its pure sssnowin hear in Lan Ark. Noo normalees ah loves the ssssnow, but fing iz ah have tae go tae see the sikyatrist tomorrow mornings and wees cood be ssssnowed in. Noo az am rite lookin forward tae meetins thiz man who iz goin tae cure mee of all ma mentill problems. Noo ah herd ma Mum sayin that ah wiz tae get a frontal la bottomee. Ah finks the wurd 'la bottommee' is frensh fur a***se, or fur posh peepells, bottom! Noo how can ah get a front bottom, am a boy dug for cryin oot loud, and its only girl dugs that have a front bottom and a back bottom!!. Ah hopes theys are no tryin tae get mee tae bee wan of they transeggsuals and take ma boy bits away and replace them wiff girl bits. If theys dae that, ah will pure report thems tae sumone.
See ah fink ah kens wit the problem iz. See fing iz thiz, the udder day, ma Mum fot shee wid have a glass of wine, it wiz called First Cape - ah fink Superman makes it - well ma Dad finks hees Superman when hee drinks it!!!. See hee diz hiz impershunashon of Superman climbing up the walls, but ma Dad diz the same fing on the floor!! Anyways, wit happined wiz thiz and ah swear tae masell thiz iz the troof. It says on the back of the bottle, cellarage, that iz where peepells keeps celleree fur the soop. Noo ma Mum didnae have hur glasses on, coz she had the glasses on the table. Noo the labell red: Drink wiffin 12 monffs. But ma Mum fot it says: Drink wiffin 12 minuts!! An shee finks ah am in need of wan of the Frensh fings a Frontal Labottomee.
Ewes have no ideer wit mee and Mollee have tae pit up wiff and ah fink the sikyatrist will realise tomorrow that their iz noffin wrang wiff mee, but maybees shee can help ma Mum.
Az will let ewe kens how ah get on and if the men in white coats come and take ma Mum away.
Love fae Big Presley the King xxxxxxxxxxx