Wees all floo over the cookoos nest!

Hullo everyboddees its mee Big Presley the nut job King.
Well wees have had a rite bizzee toodae hear at the Open Prison in Lan Ark. First fing todaes wiz big Ivor, udder wise kent az P Bare, coz hee went tae the Vet Dentist! Noo wate wan minit, hee's no called P Bare in the sense of a Bare Peein, its cos Mum finks hee looks like a polar bare. Anyways, off hee goes pure waggin his tale, like a rite tube, finkin hee wiz goin tae the park and wey hey... hee gets taken to the Vet Dentist. Noo sum of ewes will rememburs that ma Mum didnae have mutch luck at the Vet Dentist before kissmass, when theys did the root treetment on the rang toof. So wiff that in mind, the Vet Dentist decided no tae bover wiff all that and jizt took Ivors teef oot. Eye, all of them, well all of thems that hee had left, and that wiz the 4 big wans at the back of hiz moof. Noo before ewes all start sendin him get well soon kards and website addresses fur falsers, hee still haz hiz big teef at the front fur tae bite peepells wiff, so its no all doom and gloom. Mind ewe if ewe seen the nick of Ivor comin back frum the Vet Dentist, ewe wid fink it wiz all doom and gloom.
Noo wit dae ewes make of uz hear at the Open Prizon in Lan Ark, wees are a rite bunch or weerdos.
Mee big Presley the nut job seeing a sikyatrist, Ivor wiff nae teef, Roobee wiff nae leg, Wizzee wiff nae eyesite or heerin, Big Mac wiff a complexshon aboot bean black, Basil wiff nae pies left fur him tae eet. Zoro wiff hiz Victur Meldrew attitood, Captain wiff nae fethurs, his burd wiff nae will tae live and ma Mum that haz so mutch rang wiff hur, ah wid bee hear all dae listin hur problems. Oh eye and mee wiff nae plums! Wot ah want tae ken is wit are they dane wiff all wur spare bits are they like makin an udder dug or sumfin? Like a Frankinsteen Dug? mmmh ah fink theys are.
So ah finks wee should make wur ane movie called 'wees all flew over the cookoos nest'. Ah swears tae masell, if it wiznae fur bad luck wees widnae have any luck at all. So lets all drink tae Bad Luck, coz its better than nae luck at all, and wees havenae mutch else tae drink tae.
Noo ah wid like tae menshon free peepells az have bin finkin aboot, congratoolatshons tae ma Antee Haylee and Unkill Jason fur theys are tae bee marreed sumtime, so thats cool. And tae ma Antee Eleena who haz a noo neecap and will bee home tomorrows frum hospeetal and ah want tae send all ma love tae ma Antee Noras.
Az will bee back tomorrows tae let ewe kens wit mush ivor gets fur hiz dinner.
Love fae big Presley the King xxx