Out wiff the old in wiff the noo!

Hullo Lords, laidee's and fannee's its mee hear big Presley. Ah have ritten Lords, cos see ma Mum, one of hur customers wiz a reel Lord and ah fink hee maybee's be reedin ma blog.
Anyways, ah wood just like to say that those reeding ma blog are the nicest peepells that have red ma blog todae. I gets masell getting all neuropathological (Mollee says the wurd is Nostalgic, but am no sure), anyways, ah have bean finkin aboot what has happined over the past yeer.
Ah wood likes ewes all tae take a moment two remembers ma lovely big bruver Wizard, better kent as Wizzee Wonga, who went to heaven in Martch this yeer. Ah wood like to fink that Wizzee is having a rite nice time in heaven and pure causing chaos and making them all laff like he did when he wiz hear. He will be running about wiff big Ivor and all the udder dogs that is in heaven, and big Wizzee will always bee in charge. Heavens gain is oor loss.
There have bean lots of nice fings happen this yeer, wiff fings like ma Feeonsee winning everyfin going at the Whippey shows - she is pure the number one bootee queen. Ma love child Coalman is going to Crufts wiff his Mum, ma Feeonsee Rag.
Roobee is still doin reel well and ah loves her very mutch. There wiz sooooo many good fings that happened this yeer ah havenae got the times to rite everythin.
Noo wate till ah tells ewe sumfin aboot nexx yeer, noo am no Psycho, but there is two significant fings happening. There will bee a Royal Wedding in April - thats all am saying AND mee and Mollee will be six. Noo ewe's are wundering why that is significants, well ah will be 6, Mollee will be 6, and we have a cat called 6 - so that makes 666 - the same as the tattoo ah have!! How cool is that?? Ah feel a rite good yeer coming on and look out for the numbers 666 and fink of mee. May ewes all have food in ewer belly's and water too drink, be happy, love and laff lots in 2011. Lots of love Big Presley the King xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kissmass Song fur ma Da

Hullo and Merree Kissmass to all ma babes. Noo, see mee, am always singing songs aboot ma babes, so ah fott as it wiz kissmass times, ah wood rite won aboot ma Dad. Pleese sing-a-long to Winter Wunderbra oops sorree Winter Wunderland - fank ewe, Have a merry kissmass Love Big Presley the King of Babes. xxxxxxxxx

Lacee fings, ma Mum is missin
Da didnae ask, for her permisshon
He's wearing her clothes,
her silk pantee hose
Walking round in Mum's underware

In the drawer, there's a teddee
With little straps, like spagettee,
It holds him so tite
Like handcuffs at nite
Walking round in Mum's underware

In the office there's a guy named Gregg
he pretends to fool around
he'll say "Are your redee?"
Da says "Woah man! Lets wait until Dawn is out of town"
Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress like Madonna
Put on some eye shade, and join the parade
Walking round in Mums underware.

Lacee fings, is a missin
Didnae ask her permisshon
Wearing her clothes, her silk pantee hose
Walking round in Mums underware
Walking round in Mums underware
Walking round in Mums underware

Mum is diggin her ane grave!

See mee, see ma Mum, well sumtimes she can bee reel funnee but ah fink she upsets ma hooman Pa. See fing is this, ma hooma Granpa is a bit of an Artist - no the type of Artist that ma Dad is, ma hooman Granpa is a reel painter artist and he has even sold sum picktoors. Noo he hasnae sold as many picktoors as Van Cock or made as mutch money and he sure hasnae cut his ane ear off, but he does no bad considering he is pure dead old. He is in loads of Artee Fartee clubs and his hoose has hunners of picktoors on the walls. (yuck!).
Anyways what happined was this, Mum an Dad took ma hooman Granpa oot fur sum lunch and the restoorant theys were in had covered the picktoors on the wall wiff kissmass paper and bows to make it look kissmassee, as though Santa Paws had hung his pressess on the wall. So ma Mum says "Oh that looks rite cool" and Dad and Granpa agreed it wiz rite nice. Then ma Mum says "Oh Dad, ewe cood doo that wiff all ewer picktoors at home"!!!! Ah swear that is the troof, ma Dad didnae ken where too look, but see ma Granpa he fott it wiz a pure dead funnee fing to say and he laffed - until............... he fott about what ma Mum had said. See ma hooman Granpa ah felt pure sorree fur him, but ah will lets ewe ken if he took ma Mums advice. Bye for noo, Big Presley xxxxxxxxxxxx

A Horrid fing happined too Charlee

Am up errlee todaes Mollee wants to go mouse hunting. Fing is this ah wiz sittin hear pure bean cool and surfin the nett and ah wiz socked to reed aboot Charlee and Cameelion bean attacked. Noo see mee, ah dont normallee's get masel involved in Politicks cos it's no ma fing unless it is to do wiff aneemals or royaltee fings that wood affeck mee. Ah fott to masell if Prince Charlee cood bee attacked wit wood these Neds do to a King. Noo fing is this, the neds that attacked the Prince wiz protestin that all the hard working peepells of the country shood pay more of their tooishon fee's fur them to spend at the pub. In princeepal ah fink its a good idear fur tax payers to pay fur everyone to go to the pub, in fact ah fink it wood help ma Mum and Dad if drinks in pubs were free, but lets face it, am reel smart and that is no going to happen - ah mean, how wood the pub owners pay fur fings like peenuts and crisps, if no buddee paid fur their drinks. When ah went to primaree dog skool, ma Mum had to pay fur it - shee paid deerlee and is still paying - but she didnae expect anybuddee to pay fur mee to be reel cliver. Even when I went to high skool ma Mum paid fur that two. Ah wiz so cliver there wiz no point in mee going to Universitee, so Mum didnae have tae worree aboot payin fur that and look how well ah have done fur masell. Do ewes ken Lord Allan Soogar and Richard Branston Pickle, well they admires mee soo mutch they wanted to bee just like me and didnae even bover going to skool and they's dun no bad fur themsells. Ah fink they stoodents who attacked Prince Charlee and his Cameelion shood be locked up fur all the damages theys has caused, after all thats wit happened to mee, ah wiz locked up in Lan Ark open prizon fur causing damages to fings. That tott mee a valuable lesson in life, if ewe is going to damage fings make sure ewe dont get cott, udderwise ewe will be poot in prizon. This is ma message to all the stoodents oot there: The wurld does not owe ewes a rite to go to Universitee, if ewes cannee afford tae sit in the pub getting drunk all day then get a job, get a life, stop moanin, cos the country is alredee in a rite b..........y mess due to fudd's who went to universitee and are noo running the country. King Presley the Fillosifer. xx

A noo compeetishon

Fur a chance to win a kissmass hat and scarf fur ewer dog or poosee cat this is ma compeetishon. The furst 2 dogee peepells to win and the furst cat persun to win will win. Cool.

This is ma questions witch ewe can replys to on ma facebook.

1 Wit iz ma reel bruver called?
2 Where do ah live?
3 What is Smallee's reel name
4 What is ma Feeonsee called
5 What does ma Mum do fur a living
6 How many poosee cats do ah have
7 How many pets in total live wiff mee
8 What is ma love child called
9 How old is mee and Mollee
10 How old is ma Feeonsee

All the ansurs are on ma blog - fanks love big Presser xxxxxxxxxxx

Kissmass List

Hullo its mee hear big Presley - now fing is sumtimes peepells fink am no a good boy, but ah am a good boy and ah fink aboot ma Mum all the times. Well the udder day ah found ma Mum's wiss list fur kissmass presents . So ah looked at the list, and ah didnt know wit sum of the fings were so ah got the nexx best fing. Ah have hidden thems in ma bed, so that it will be a surrprise on kissmass day, but ah fink she will be reel pleesed wiff what ah have got hur.



1. Space NK soap - am no sure wit this is, so ah got hur a Brillo Pad - it shood work a treet on hur face cos its good fur removing make-up.

2. Montblanc Pen - am no sure wit this is, but ma choo's look like pens so ah kept ma choo fur hur.

3. Grouse - we dont see many grouse round here, so ah fott ah wood give hur the crow that Mollee killed last monff.

4. Noo Belt fur hur denims - am no sure where to get wan of these, so ah will give hur ma extra long leed, that shood just aboot go round hur waste.

5 Chocolates - Ah cant get chocolates so ah fott ah wood give hur a box of bits of ma dinner cos she is always tellin me that ma dinner looks just as good!

6.New Mouse for hur compooter - Ah kens that there is a half eeten one in the garden that ma Mollee killed by mistakes - ah fink he wiz Mr Jingles No. 83.

7. Noo dinner plates - ah fott that cos ah keep breaking the plates, that ah wood give ma mum the same bowls as wee have, they is called staneless steels. Ah couldnt give hur one of mine, cos ah woodnt get any dinner, so ah stole the cats bowl.



Ah fink ewes will agree that am a rite good boy and Mum will be reel pleesed. This is a picktoor of ma pressents. Bye the way, the knife is no fur ma Mum, ah keeps that fur seecoortiee in case sumone breaks in. Ah have always done this since ah wiz a puppee growing up in Glesga.

A Snowwww Poem fur ma facebook pals!

Sing along wiff the toone to 'Walkin in a Wintur Wunder Land'

Dogs bowls chime and am listenin
On the road snow is glistening
A need a big s....e, before I'll bee happee tonite
Socking is this Wintur Wonderland

Gone away is ma last burd
Here to stay is ma noo burd
Ah sings a love song, As wee go along
Socking is this Wintur Wonderland

In the garden ewe can build a snowman
And I'll preetend that he is Fathur Brown
He'll say "Are Ewe Marreed Presley"
I'll say "No Way Man"
But ewe can do the job when Rags in town

Later on, we'll perspire
As we play leapfrog by the fire
To face Antee Nora unafraid
Wiff the puppee's that we made
Socking is this Wintur Wonderland

Boom Boom - love big Presley xxxx

Problem Solved -stay safe in the Snow!!

Now see fing is, ah made it ma life time ambishon to torture ma Mum fur giving ma bruver Aaron away and ah fink ah have made a good job of sending hur around the twist over the past 5 yeers (and everybuddee else who kens mee). But see fing is, ah fink fings have got rite out of hand. See after a long hard days, sumtimes ma Mum likes to reelaxx wiff a glass or free of wine and shee likes to do hur impershonastion of ma Da. For those who havenae seen ma Mums impershonastion of ma Da, it involves being inco-hearant when he speeks, dribbling and making funnee noises from half way doon his bodee (Mollee says am no aloud to use the wurd f*rt). Anyways, ma Dad wiz worreed that if ma Mum went oot tae work in hur car in all the snow, that she cood get stuck and wee woodnae see hur again fur days, maybee even monffs if wees were reelee luckee. So he got hur noo stickers for hur car, no wan, no too, but free stickers, so that anybuddee going to helps hur woodnae miss wit the problem wiz. He only went and got hur stickers advertising Alcohollicks Annonomus!! Ah swear that is the troof!! The sticker reeds sumfin like this...... If ewer car has broken doon or ewe has bean involved in an acksident, AA should be ewer first point of call for assisstanse - reesult or wit!!. In order to ressussitate the driver of this veehickle, pour sum loobricant doon the drivers froat, like wines or brandee's - thats should do the trick. How cool is that??