Eggsitetin suff

Hullo all ewes oot there, ah have bin pure misserabell since ah seen ma Feeonsee Rag an shee went hame efter visitin hoor wiz up. So ah says tae ma Mum and Dad that ah wood stay misserabell furever if ah didnae have anyfin tae look forwards two. They says they wood have a fink aboot ways tae cheer mee up. Ah herd them talkin aboot mee in the nexx room, so ah pit a glass against the wall tae hear better. Ah have seen that dun in the moovees and ah fink it works, but ah dropped the glass and it pure smashed all over the floor, but ah herds thems reel good. Ewes will no beeleeve what theys have got mee. Noo sum of ewes ken ah am pal of Sir Les Patterson. Hee is the only Les that hasnae bean on channel 4. Well ah herd ma Mum sayin that ma pal Les iz coming all the wae frum Oztraylia tae Glesga in Septemburs and theys are goin tae see him. So ah fink theys will definatelee bee takin mee along tae cheer mees up. Unfortoonatelee, ah will have tae go and see that wumin Dame Eddna, coz she kens ma pal Les and iz aye hangin aroond. Shee geed ma Mum Gladeeohlies last time shee met ma Mum, an ma Mum says oh Eddna theys are bootifool, so ah finks Dame Eddna will bring sum fur mee if shee kens ah will be there. Ah cannee wate tae see ma old pal Sir Les and ah will need tae tell him a foo of ma jokes. He sumtimes tells peepells ma jokes, but ah telt him no tae say that ah geed him ma jokes, coz sumtimes theys are very nottee. See, fing iz ah dont want ma Mollee tae ken ah kens nottee jokes or shee will bee pure angree.
So am away tae rite doon sum of ma jokes fur ma pal Sir Les. Maybees ah could tell him the wan aboot the Ramm wearin the bandage geer in the feeld. That wiz a rite good wan.
Oh bye the ways, the udder noos iz that ma Mum telt mee shee seen reel Lamms todaes, in a feeld in Engerland. How cool is that?
Rite am away, see ewes later, love fae big Presley the Happee King xxxxxxxx