Ma spellin!

Hullo all ewes oot there, its mee heer big Presley.
Az sum of ewes ken az am a fillosifer, coz az am a finker. Noo ah have had a complaint sayin that ah cannee spell very well an ah cannee pronounce an 'h', coz ah says fings like fiss, fur unedoocated peepells that is sumfin that swims in watur!. Wan persun says ah did no have a good commmando of the engerliss langwage. Thats coz az am Scotteesh an am no fae Engerland, but ah dae rite ma blog in the engerland langwage. Anyways ma Mum says shee wid help mee wiff ma spellin and shee fot it wid bee a good ideer if ah red the noospaper tae help wiff thiz.
Ah didnae like the storees in the papers coz they wurnae aboot dogs and beetches, so ma Mum says why dae ewe no reed the sexshon wiff the dog furs sail in it. Noo that wiz cool, ah didnae ken ah could jizt bye ma ane beetch frum the noospaper. Ah seen hunners of dugs fur sail all lookin fur a nice home tae live in. Noo sum of ewes will have kent that a rite stoopid persun invented a dug called a Labra Dooodell. Ah have pure seen wan of them. It wiz too yeers ago and ma Mum entured mee in a dog show called Scruffts or sumfin. Noo ah should have won paws down, nae bover tae the King, but the stoopid wumin who fot shee wiz a judge didnt ken hur Pedigree Lurchers frum hur Greyhounds and shee said ah wiz a Greyhound. Ewe kens ah diz like tae dane impershonashons, but why wid ah preetend tae bee a Greyhound, when ah could have entured ma Mollee in the show and shee iz a pure pintsized Greyhound. Anyways, efter that wumin says that, ah says ewe iz a plonker, az am a Pedigree Lurcher but shee widnae heer tell of it, and nexx fing a flamin Labra Doodell stood next tae mee and shee picked it tae win.
Noo ah kens that stoopid peepells pays hunners of pounds fur wan of these Mongrells, coz they fink they are a rtie speshall breed or sumfin. But ewes will no beeleeve wit ah seen fur sail last nite in the noospaper. Ah seen ah Cock A Poo! Az says wit the .........., iz a Cock A Poo?. So ah got tae finkin wit wiz that mongrell made up of?? Well ah cannee reepeet on heer wit that mongrell iz made of, coz thiz iz a familee blog. Then ah fot tae masell, no wate wan minit, maybees theys have jizt run oot of names fur dug breeds and theys have gone doon the sames road as the Amereecan Injins, who pure named fings efter the first fing they saw, like...'runnin watur', 'little dove' and 'shittin Bull'. So ah finks that iz why they have called a dug Cock a Poo!!. Am no so sure ah reelee wants tae even see wan of these dugs, and az will no bee byein wan coz they cost £750 and az only haz £7.50 and free Euros in pockit monee.
Well thats all fur noo, az am away tae improov ma spellin and ah fink ah will campane fur less Cock a Poo's and mare dugs like mee. Ah wid bee a Greyollie, coz az am a kross between a greyhound and a collie. Love tae ewes all fae King Presley the Greyollie. xxxxxx