A Weak Aff

Hullo all ewes oot there, its mee again big Presley. Noo ah have a reel troo storee tae tell ewes twoday. Ah telt ewes yisterdae that ma Mum wiz goin on a holleedae tae Bar Seelona, but shee iz only goin there fur a long weakend and no a sort weakend. So shee haz bin finkin aboot holleedaes beecos shee needs a brake away frum hur work.
The storree ah want tae tell ewes twodae is aboot wur nayburs. Noo they are rite cool nayburs ah fink they are called the Goods. Diz ewe rememburs the Good life on the tellys, where the peepells pure went all Green. No green like the incredibull hulk, but weerdo green, cos they like lived off the land tipe of peepells. Well the Goods nexx tae us dae the same fing. They haz seeps, and lams, and kalffs, and chickens and pigs and udder fings and they bring them tae live wiff them and feed them so they are pure fat like Bazil, then they do rite nastee fings tae them and send them tae the chainsaw massacarr man then they pure eets them. YUCK.
Ewe kens ah am a vegeetareean and only eeet meet, so ah diz not agreee wiff dane that tae aneemals. Anyways, ma Mum pure falls in love wiff the aneemals that lives there coz they are wee babees, but shee iz no so keen on them when theys are big and fat and smellee like the pigs wur last summer times.
So wit happined yisterday wiz thiz, ma Mum wiz getting reddy to go oot and the doorbell rang. Ma Dad ansured it and it wiz Mr Good wur naybur. All ma mum could heer wiz Mr Good sayin sumfin aboot a week aff. So once Mr Good went away, shee said tae ma Dad, wit did Mr Good want tae ken aboot ma holleedae? Ma Dad pure laffed cos he didnt understand wit ma Mum wiz talkin aboot. So she pure pulled wan of they faces and said tae ma Dad 'Mr Good said sumfin aboot ma week aff' . Ma Dad pured laffed and says, no, no, no, Mr Good wiznae sayin anyfin aboot ewer week aff, his wiz talkin aboot his week aff. (Ah hopes ewes are followin ma storree!!).
Ma Mum says 'oh is Mr Good havin a week aff tae'? Nexx fing that happined and ah swear tae masell this is the troof. Ma Dad brought in a big bag and opened it and said tae ma Mum 'Mr Good brought us his wee caff, fur us tae eet'. In the bag wiz stakes, and sossogees and under fings tae eet. It turns oot Mr Good got too mutch beef back fae hiz wee caff fur him tae eet himsell and geed it tae uz. Ewe should have herd ma Mum screeem. Well ewes probably did, aboot free o'clock yistereday!! Ah fink shee pure neer fainted too.
So mee and Molleee are rite lookin forward tae eetin Sir Loin stakes and sossogees fur the next free weaks. Hope ewes are no two jelloss!!
Love fae big Presley the vegeetareean meet eeter. xxxxxxxxx