Help ma boab....I've just herd Mum on the fone...she's doin a bit of dug dealing with some guy and trying to get rid of ma beetch Mollee! See, this is like emotional blackmail, cos I heard her saying to this guy on the fone that if the Molls moved to an udder prizon, then ma Mum could concentrate on me and teech me to be a right good dug! Ad hate to be blamed for ma beetch Mollee bean sent to an udder prizon wiffout me, so as gona be a real good boy from now on.....well at least until I knows ma beetch is safe!
As been a right good dug, nae nonsense, well ok, just a bit! Mum bot a noo Hannibal Lecter face mask for me (cos a chewed the last one), and when she took it out the packet she put it on top of ma cage! The little thing that attaches it to ma face was hanging down into ma cage, so I tasted it! It tasted right good, so I chooed frew it to make sure the whole thing tasted good! I did this in record time, it took me all of 10 seconds....thats pretty good, even by my standards. Mum had only turned her back long enough to fill her noo kettle, and when she turned around and saw my good work...she did that screeming fing again!
Next fing this long haired guy appears at oor hoose and looked at ma Molls. I herd him say that she was so cute that he would be able to find another dug dealer to take her in no time! So I started shouting at him...telling him get lost, cos ma beetch Molls wasnt CAT SAFE, and she peed in the kitchen once, and that she eescaped from her chasisty belt and he better not try and take her, cos I decked a Rotti, so he would be nae bother to bite! How long is this guy gona stay here? He has sat on his jacksy now for about 2 hours!! Ave got ma knives hidden under ma bed, so he better no try and take ma beetch or I'll stab him. Whey Hey....he's gone, fantastic....another good result for me Presley, King to all the beetches!.
Oh no, he came back the following weak! Its always a Sunday, maybe he is one of those Jehovahs Witnesses people, that we love so much. He took me out of ma cage and the Molls, so a bit him, first on the hand (that didnt work - he just laffed)! Lets see if he laffs at this, so I bit him right on the Crown Jewels. Hey that DID hurt, what a brill face he pulled, can you do that again, in slow motion this time?!! That was soooooo funnee, that will teach him no to interfere with ma Molls.
I think this guy is stalking ma Mum, thats the 3rd weak in a row he has been here, how long does it take this nutjob to take the hint? What the ......, he seems to have brot a bag wiff him, I guess thats to smuggle ma beetch Molls out in!! I had to take a look in this bag, and you wont believe what he has brot....only his jim jams and all his dirty washing!! Yeah right, plonker, a knows you are gona steal ma Molls away during the night. So a sat up all night guarding the Molls. The guy was still there the next day, and Mum, said that this guy was to be ma new Dad!! What the.....? Next thing we know, there will be wedding bells or summit, and me and the Molls playing happy familiees!! YUCK!
That ma new mission in life to get rid of ma noo Dad!! I will update you later on how am gona do this, but for now....Big Presley has left the building...! x
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