Hey this is cool bean all grown up, as allow to sit up and watch the telly with ma Mum, mee's like Ali G the best, he is cool!
OMG.....What is a man ment to do around here to get to use a PC! I wanted to update all the beetches out there on what I'm doing these days and had to 'wait'.....!! Ma Mum must be on Prozac or Crack or somefin, givng out orders like that, or is it cos as black? For all ma beetches out there, here is the next part of my storee....this is like chapter 2 of my life, cos I got fed up trying to eescape from the dug dealer and decided to stay here with ma beetch Molly and the Big Black Man...Mac, the Big Daddy!
A few weeks ago Mum put me in her car, and drove at her national speed limit of 102mph, I guest we were going to the Vet again, for more Nectar points for another new kettle or summit! OMG...she took me to see a sychologist...a nutjob interpreter to you and I. Its not me that needs to see one, its ma Mum, the dug dealer that should be going to see one!! I mean, I know what as doin, and a knows ma beetches like me just as a am....Presley the King! (without Crown Jewels).
What the ....? Its dug borstal. The room was full of beetches....wey to go big man.....get right in there!! They had got me doin stoopid things like sitting and lying down for a tiny wee bit of hedgehog. I think they said it was hedgehog, maybe it was hotdog, but as Veggie and am no eating another dog! Anyway, if it is hedgehog, its not even a proper hedgehog...these taste like Garlic, yuck, ....how was I meant to pull a beetch smelling like ave just eatin a Keebab?
One night there was big rocket things going off in the sky.....they are THE BIZNESS! I love them, I want one to shove up the jacksy of that Rotti who keeps wanting to attack the Big Black Man Mac! Hey that would be soooo cool, watching the Rotti take off in the air and burst into all those coloured lights....I must buy some with ma pocket money! Anyway, this night all ma beetches at dog borstal wouldnt do anyfin, they wanted me Big Presley to play leep frog to take their minds off the noise, but ma Mum had udder ideers. I had to act like a complete nut job in front of them all and lie down in the middle of the room and not move for a whole minit. Yeah right, very funny!!! Ma beetches fot I was dead cool, so I did it for them. Next thing is yeah, ......they thought it would be cool to turn the place into a swimming pool....and I wasnt wearing ma Speedos!
They shouted at me to get up off the floor...yeah right...no one gives me orders in front of the beetches, as am not goin anywhere. So a didnae move! Whey hey..... I guess ah did the right thing cos, Mum gave me a whole hedgehog to get up! Excellent...this borstal thing is a hoot! I must remember to pack Speedos for the next class! I didnae pull a beetch at borstal, but I did get a Certificate to say I went every week.....it looks exactly the same as the one I got for going to Sunday School and the Cubs everyweek..... so it can go on the wall with all the udders!
Tommorrow as gona tell you about some weerdo guy that is stalking ma Mum!!!
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