Az haz a Date wae a beetch

Ewes will no believe wits happened tae me! Az haz got masell a date wae a right cool beetch. Noo az will refer to her as 'Mollee', that is because that iz hur name, but ewes iz no tae confuse hur way ma Mollee, coz she iz no ma Mollee yet. Az hopes awe ewes uneducated people can follow that. See az haz been contacted frew ma website askin fur mee tae go on a date wae hur. Then she tells me hur name is Mollee. Maybee she finks az only loves beetches called Mollee, but az iz no bothered wit theys are called, but az finks that is hur real name. Noo she did send me a picktoor and she is like, a right cool beetch. Az iz no sure if az can pit her picktoor on here, coz she is like married tae an udder dug, but she loves tae play games, and az iz happy tae teech hur how tae play Leap Frog. Az iz going tae keep ewes posted az tae how az gets on way ma blind date. Well az didnae ken if shes iz blind, but shes iz a bit older than me, maybees shes iz az old az ma cell mate Wizzy and he iz nearly blind tae. Noo before ewes awe laff that az haz got masell an older beetch, jist ewes remember, that there wiz many a good toon played on an old fiddle. Do ewe kens wit az iz meanin?

Noo az haz hud a argooment wae ma ane Mollee. No because az haz found masell an udder beetch, but coz ma Mollee jist wanted tae arrgoo wiff me. Anyways, az says to hur that wees maybee had wur chance tae eescape this prizon, coz our Mum and Dad were going tae the Panto. Noo az kens fine well that az heard right. But ma Molly says Oh no there no!! Az says tae hur, Oh yes they ur. And ewes will no believe it but she said again that they wurnae. Az says tae hur dont bee stoopid Mollee theys ur going tae the Panto, coz az heard them sayin that. Next fing iz Mollee wiz cryin, coz az like got right mad wae her coz shees kept sayin they wurnae going tae the Panto. Next fing ma Mum came intae wur prizon cell and says tae me that az wiz a bad boy coz az made Mollee cry. Az couldnae tell ma Mum wit wees hud been arrgooing aboot, coz shees wid ken that wees were going tae try and eescape. So, like a right plonker, az gets intae trouble fur noffin. And dae ewes ken wit Mollee dane then? She has got that PMS thing. Which fur awe ewes uneducated people iz Peein Ma Sell. Molllee peed hersell laffin coz az had got intae trouble. That wiznae fare, noo az says tae Mollee that she wiz a beetch fur dane that tae me, coz ah wiz put in the cooler and az didnae ken if Santa will bring mees a present noo fur ma xmas.
If anywan oot there wants tae gee me wan fur ma xmas, let mees ken. Hey, jist wait a minute, when az says gee me wan fur xmas, az wiz no talkin aboot ewe kens wit, az wiz talkin aboot somfin right nice, like a choo or somfin.
Right az iz going away noo, coz az iz going tae see if az can make up wae ma Mollee, coz if az dont, az will ruin ma chances of playin leap frog wae hur later.
Big Presley the Lurcher haz left the study, takin care of business wae ma Mollee. xx