Kiss.ma.ass Day

Merry Kissmass everywan, az hopes ewes hud a right nice time tooday. Me and ma Mollees have hud the best Kissmass ever, well that iz, since the wan wees hud last year.
Ewes will no believe wit happen tae mee. When az gets up thiz mornin az wiz speakin tae the Queen, noo az swears tae masell that is right true. Shee wiz wantin tae ken wit it wiz az wiz going tae write in ma Kissmass Day blog. Noo az diznae likes tae tell anybuddy wit it iz az iz writin tae ewes aboot, that iz jist beecoz az diznae kens until az starts tae write. Az wiz finking that az could tell ewes wit the Queen fot aboot Tony Blare becomin a Kafolic, but sees he waited til the udder Queen had writ hur speech, before he went intae the confessional thing wae the Priest. Az finks that wiz in case she said in hur speech that shees haz hud had an udder horrible anus, like the wan she hud 10 years ago.

Anyways az fot az wid jist tell ewes aboot ma ane Kiss.ma.ass Day. See az lets ma Mollee be Queen fur the day, coz shee right likes that. Noo az didnae ken wit happened here at the prison, but az finks that the udder prisoners fot theys had missed Kiss.ma.Ass Day and theys fot it wiz Boxing Day. Noo let mee tells ewes wit happened. See, Me and ma Molls were like allowed tae get wur presents fae Santa Coz first and az wiz prayin tae masell that hee hudnae got me an udder joby green coat. Well, az gets a right cool diamond tae wears aroond ma neck, so noo az looks like ma hero the medallion man Ali Gee. Az also gets some right nice toys tae play wiff. Az gets wan that looks like a bugger, jist like the wans az sees in Mcdonalds. Az also gets a jar fingy fur keepin ma pocket money in, and it says on the front of it 'Big Boy's Toy Money', that iz so that naebuddy will pinch ma pocket money. The only wan problem way it is that its joby green. Az swears tae masell, but thats Santa Coz fur ewes, he canny get nofin right.

Anyways, az wiz going tae tell ewes wit ma Mollees got, but az canny be bovered, coz wees kept fightin over wur new toys and az got pure dead hurted when ma leg got right trapped on the sofa. So it wiznae So.Fa so good fur me! Then ma Mum & Dad lets the lifers oot fur their Kiss.ma.ass presents and all hell broke loose! This wiz pure dead funny. Coz big Ivy didnae want his medallion, he fought it looked right stoopid, so when ma Dad wents tae pit it on him, he right went fur him. Ma Dad wiznae hurted, coz Ivy wiz wearin his Hannibal Lectar mask. Ivy went in a pure dead huff fur the rest of the day, all coz he didnae want tae be a medillion man. Then Bizzy Wizzy jumped back and stood right on tap of Bazil the Brush, and Bazil fot hee wiz gettin pure dead attacked, so he went fur Bizzy Wizzy. Noo by this point it wiznae only Mollee that wiz wettin hersell laffin, but ah wiz tae. Me and Molls right laffed. So the lifers were right marched back tae the cooler, but coz it wiz Kiss.ma.ass Day, mee and Molls got tae watch the movie Findin Nemo. Noo az wiznae bovered where Nemo wiz, so az jist fell asleep.

Wees are all waitin fur wur Turnkey noo. Ha ha ewes fought az says Turkey, but wees haz Turnkeys coz wees are in prison. Az fot az should explain that tae awe the fick wans oot there, that a Turnkey and a Turkee are no the same fing.
Ma Dad haz taken sum picktoors of me and ma Molls, so when hees gets his Kiss.ma.ass dinner, hee will gee them tae mee and az will let ewes sees them. Az hope ewes awe hud a better Kiss.ma.ass Day than mee.
Big Presley haz left the study, take check on the Turkee. xx