Az wiz going tae gee ewes mare tips on how ewes need tae train ewer hoomans, but az heard a right sad story aboot ma pal Millie, wan of ma beetches, whoose Mum has been tryin tae blame her fur chooin wood. Noo that in itsell isnae anyfin special, but when its ewer hoomans bedside cabinet, its really funnee. Az dont know whys Millies Mum is blamin ma beetch, cos both sides looks like they huv been damaged evenly. I could maybe understand it if only wan side wiz damaged, coz that widnae look good, but its both sides!! Noo let me tell ewes a story, that az kens tae be true.
See noo this story reminds me of ma bouncer, big Mac, coz a kens he likes tae choo wood. Wit wiz happenin wiz this. Ma Mum wid go tae work and Big Mac would go fur a wee sleep on her bed, coz it wiz pure dead comfy. Noo the headboard that ma Mum had at that time wiz wan of they wooden wans wey slats at the tap and the bottom. It wiznae a cheap wan, it wiz pure dead expensive, as finks it cost ma Mum about £3.49. So when Big Mac woke up, hees wiz hungry, but couldnae be bothered gettin oot of bed tae go and eat the dried food stuff wees gets. Wees are fed on Salmon and Rice dry food. Salmon and Rice, az swear tae masell, that az haz never in ma hole life tasted Salmon, that smelt like a deed fish, its revoltin. Anyways, big Mac just lies there and haz a choo at ma Mums heedboard coz it taste the sames az oor dinner, and when he like gets right fed up lyin chooin the heedboard he jist moves doon and chews the bottom bit.
Noo the fing is this, how many of ewes likes tae wear pawcuffs? Theys are they fings ewes buy fae that wumin Anne Summers, she sells a right load tae the Polis. Well az kens that when ewes wear they fings, ewes have tae pit wan roond yer paw and wan attached tae somfin else, like an udder paw or a heedboard. And az also kens that theys leaves marks on wood real like, Big Macs teeef marks! So, ewes are gettin the picture noo!! Noo thats aw right if ewes like are pure dead ugly and live on yer ane, coz naebuddy is likely tae see yer bedroom let alone yer heedboard. But then see, ma Dad moves in and sees they marks on the heedboard, and he finks tae himsell, that not only does ma Mum like tae play leap frog, but he disnae have tae bother pittin superglue on his back paws, coz hees can jist use pawcuffs on her which will have the same effect. Noo who is going tae believe her when shees is tryin tae blame ma pal Big Mac fur chooin, well naebuddy is, ur they, no when wees gets fed Salmon & Rice!!
So oz is am sayin is, didny believe all yee read aboot ma beetch Millie doin damage tae wood in the bedroom, coz az finks that Millies Mum haz been usin pawcuffs and diznae want tae admit it tae her leap frog partner, well no the noo anyways.
Big Presley haz left the study, az is goin to check oot ma Mollys heedboard!!! Takin Care of Business. xx
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