Free Blind Mice

Hullo, az iz no sure that az iz liking this whole xmas fing, coz az am no getting a wee shot on ma compootar, that iz coz, ma Mum & Dad haz right lots on and me and Molls are locked in wur prison cell. Az had a right load of fings tae be tellin ma beetches and theys will be missin me. Noo jist coz az iz no right here in the study writing tae ewes, disnae means az iz no finking aboot ewes, well az is certainly finking aboot playin leap frog way ewes. A swear tae masell that is true.

Az wiz wantin tae tells ewes about the choir that wees haz here at the prison. Noo az finks theys are practising fur dane xmas carol singing or somfin, coz theys sings everyday. Let me tells ewes wit it iz az is talkin aboot. In the next cell tae Mollee and mee, there is 5 prisoners, theys are awe ma pals, Ivor, Mac, Ruby, Wizzard and Basil Brush. Wit happened wiz this. Ma pal big Mac the Black wan, started aff by trying tae wooooo Ruby wae a song. Noo az dont no aboot wooing her, but he certainly scared her wit less, coz he sounded like somfin oot a horror movie and az finks she telt him tae get lost! Noo he wiznae fur been put off, and hees kept singing tae her, thats where that old sayin comes in aboot God lovin a trier. Coz at the rate ma pal Big Mac wiz going, hee wiz going tae meet God sooner than he fought, if hees didnae shut up. But ewes will no believe wit happened. Wan day he sounded like yon big singer, az finks iz called after a dug, Placido Dingo. Well ma pal Ruby went nuts, and she started singing back tae him, like she wiz Lesley Garnet. Az finks she sounded like her coz a Ruby iz a Garnet.

Theys wur singing tae each other everyday, and theys did start tae sound a bit better, in fact az fots theys wur going tae enter that singing competition the K(9) Factor. But see, there wiz a problem, coz ma old pal Basil Brush didnae realise that big Mac wiz tryin tae woo Ruby intae playin a game of leap frog, and he decides tae join in the singing. Me and Molls wiz laffin so much, it wiz so funnee, coz see, Basil Brush is like a Mongrel Lurcher and he canny sing, so he right ruined Big Macs chances wae Ruby. Basil Brush sounded like some old geezer, sittin in the corner in the pub on a Saterday, night singing 'ho-de-ho', ewes will awe ken that song. Ma pal Big Mac looked like he wiz gony kill Basil Brush. Noo wan day az iz hoping tae play ewes a tape of them singing, its pure dead funnee, but az haz tae warn ewes, theys have only learnt tae sing wan song so far and its called Free Blind Mice.

Az finks ma pal Big Mac would dae right well on the K Factor, coz hee haz a right sad story tae tell, coz he iz in prison . See it disnae matter if ewes can sing or no tae win that competition, ewes just need tae have a right sad story tae tell and awe the geezers who vote feel right sorry fur them. Right, az iz off tae post an entry form fur Big Mac, Ruby & Basil Brush fur the K Factor. Az wiz finking they should have a right cool name and az wiz lookin at they peepells on the X Factor called Same Difference, and az finks Big Mac, Ruby and Basil Brush, should call themselves the Same Sh...e!!
Big Presley haz left the building tae go tae the post box. Takin Care of Business