Last night az wiz flickin through the TV channels on the telly, lookin fur Maste Haunted, but az couldnae find it, but az did find some right funnee programmes, wan wiz called Dog Borstal. Noo az dont ken whys they dugs had tae go tae Borstal, cos theys were pure dead tame compared tae me and ma Molls. Ma Mum says theys all hud ASBO's on them and that is why theys were in dug borstal. Noo az finks Ivor had that virus wance, and az finks that the Vet gave him cream and anti biotics fur that problem, so mees finks they dugs wid be better at the Vet tae get that type of thing sorted.
Noo az haz also been fur tae learn tae train ma Mum, but no at dug borstal, but shees is so fick shee didnae undertand wit wiz going on. Shee's fot it wiz just a right cool day oot and she widnae dae wit az wiz tellin her tae dae. Noo az kens this tae be troo, coz it wiz me that got the good dug ceritificate and she didnae get wan.
Az haz bin lookin intae ways tae train ma Mum tae be better behaved, but az finks az is wastin ma time. Aw the advice that az keeps reading aboot, says that there needs tae be a top dug, like wees is animals or somfin. Noo as ewes already ken az is the King and there can only be Wan King here in this prison. So az haz tae be in charge of ma pack. Ma Dad wiz right upset wae this idea, so az telt him he could be in charge of his six pack. Noo before ewes aw fall aboot laffin ewer heads aff at the fought of ma Dad huvin a 6 pack, I wiz meanin his 6 pack of beer.
So az is the top of the pack, me the King. But see that is where az huz ma first problem, coz az wiz wantin Molly tae be next in ma pack and be the Queen, but that idea seems tae huv caused a bit of a problem here, coz Bazil says he wants tae be the Queen!!. What is that aw aboot?? Az haz tried tae tell him he canny be a Queen coz he iz a dug and hees husnae even got any crown jewells! Well az finks he says he wanted tae be the Queen, but maybees he says he wants tae be Queer, either way, az canny huv that in ma pack. Az finks Basil disnae ken if hees is Arthur or Marthur. So az is going tae make Basil the Joker in ma pack, and ma Molls can be Queen of Herts. (no the fitba team Herts, she is Queen of the leap frog team). Noo az finks the next in ma pack should be Mac, coz he is ma bouncer, so hees haz tae be a Club, coz thats where ewes find bouncers. Noo az is no talkin about the wumin wae the teets, az is talkin aboot the bouncers on the door. So big Mac is Jack of Clubs. Ivor can be a Spade, az wiz gony make him a Spoon, but ewes canny huv a spoon in a pack. Ruby huz tae be the Queen of Diamonds, cos az finks a Ruby is a type of diamond. (Dont tell Molls, coz she will be right angree tae fink az huz another Queen in ma pack). Wizzard can be.....am no too sure wit he can be, maybees az will make him wan of they cards that ewes can play blind. Sorry wizzy az iz no makin fun of the fact that ewe canny see, but az hud tae make ewe wan of them, or az would have tae change ma pack tae a pack of tarrot cards tae fit ewes all in.
Az finks az will need tae write ma ane training book noo that az huz got ma pack in order.
Presley haz left the study tae fink aboot writing his ane book. xx
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