The Cooler King!!

Me and the Molls have been in and out of the 'cooler', thats solitary confindment to those who dont know, 643 times since we got here. Wee's think that is a better record than Steve McQueen had in the frigin Great Eescape, and they had the cheek to call him the Cooler King!! There aint no King, Cooler than me!! 64 of those times wiz cos Molls killed oor very ain Mr Jingles, and 3 times coz ma Molls killed burds. So, 64 + 3 = 643 for all those of ewes out there that cannee count. As dont know why as always got to go into the cooler with ma Molls, cos as never does anythin, so as always tells Mum tae get lost! Then ma Mum, keeps tellin me to talk properly cos wee's live in the country now, but am no bovered, cos I thinks as just so cool as a am and ma beetches love me.

It was real funnee when ah eescaped from ma cell...., I didnae have time to grab ma personal belongings (ma Speedos and things), and I forgot to take oor latest deed Mr Jingles, but I knew that ma Molls would look after him. I was off..oot of here....and as was runnin as fast as I could. Have you ever tried to run on Parquet flooring.....its like being on a treadmill. You run like you are Lindford Christie and yet you havnae moved an inch!! (ma beetches says am like Lindford Christie...if ewes know what a mean!! I certainly resemble him in places.......!!:) Anyways, I finally manage to get doon this right long corridor, there wiz doors everywhere, but they just went into mare cells. As wiz looking for the front door!! There wiznae a prizon guard anywhere, they must have been on their smoke break. At the bottom of the long corridor, I turned left and all I could see was mare cells, but as seen one was open a bit and in a went... I could smell Freedom....Well I thought thats what I could smell, but maybe I wiz wrong.

I could hear the sirens goin off in the main part of the prison, (siren = Mum screamin), so as knew it widnae be long before she wiz on ma trail, as long as she didnae send the dugs oot looking for me, as would be ok. When as got into this room, as seen a big window, brill, I was almost oot. What the ......., the windae is closed....aw no, and Mum is getting nearer!!! As wiz lookin everywhere for a way oot, and then I got the shock of ma life, I turned aroond and there was a big black and white CAT starin at me and lickin his lips. I just kept shouting at him, get yersel to ........, am no a moose! OMG....help....help.....Mum help meeeeeeeeee!! Mum came in and she wiz laffin at me, aye very good whats so funny, that CAT could have killed me! Mum grabbed me by the collar...and led me away, she was still laffin and so wiz the CAT. Then I realised the CAT wiz only Denzil !! I guess he really wiz a cool CAT, coz he could have killed me....but ma Mum said he wid never have hurted me....aye right, so I look a right plonker now dont ah.
Now as knows as should have been nicer to Denzil when he lived wiz us, but hey ho, I wisnae!!

As had loads to tell ma Molls when wee's were put in the Cooler for ma attempted eescape. As told her that Mum & Dad were not only DUG Dealers, but theys were CAT Dealers too! But ma Molls wiznae bothered in fact she gave me into a right load of trouble, I think ma Molls is getting too big for her ain paws! She thinks she is the Queen of Sheba, cos she lives with me Presley the King.....as gona have to sort that oot.
Tomorrow as gona tell ewes about how Mum & Dad took me and the Molls to a park foo of Dug Dealers! But for now....big Presley has left the building,...takin care of ma business! x