Plonker Award!!

Well ello awe ewes oot there, as is back. I wiz busy yesterday so as couldnae post, and as wiz nearly at the Vet again cos as hurted masell laffin, cos ma sides were so sore fae laffin at ma Mum's stooopidity. I wiz gona get ma Mum nominated fur a Darwin Award. Noo fur awe of ewes uneducated wans oot there, a Darwin Award is this: named in honor of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, the Darwin Awards represent examples of evolution in action by showing what happens to stoopid peepells who are unable to cope with the basic dangers of the modern world. These ironic tales of fatal misadventure illustrate some of life's most important lessons.
Noo as ma Mum is alive, only just, she canny get a Darwin Award, but as wiz thinkin, she certainly deserved the Plonker Award. A Plonker Award is named in honor of the mother of stoopidity!
Wee's hus an inmate here at the open prison called Ivor or Ivy for short, cos hee's has some tendencies!! Anyways, he is a real nut job and hee's is probably in prison fur murder of somfin, and hee's has tae keep his Hannibal Lectar face mask on awe the time. Two nights ago Ivy got a treat, cos he hadnae bit anywan fur about three days. After he wiz finished his treat ma Mum fot it wid be a good idea tae rub Ivys tum. Noo that wiz where she went wrang! Cos see, Ivy is so dangerous cos he diznae gee peepells any warning that hee's is aboot tae bite. He like, right catches peepeels off their guard, as hud taught him that efter a hud watched Mohammed Ali fight. Fly like a butterfly and sting like a bee! Way tae go big man!!

So next thing hee's grabs ma Mums hand and tells her tae get hersell tae .......! Maybees he fot she wiz gona check oot his crown jewells or sumfin. Ma Mum pulls her hand back at like 2,000 mph, leaving behind half her skin in his moof! Brilliant eh?? Az wiz laffin cos of the faces she wiz pullin, she looked like a Pit Bull chewin a Wasp, but then she says "I'm sorry Ivy"!! Like she wiznae bovered!! Brilliant, shee's wiz apologising tae Ivy fur near maulin her tae death.

Mum hud tae go tae the Vets tae get her hand all fixed up and a bandage pit on it, and I wiz right laffin when as foond oot she hud tae get an injection in her bak bottom!! As fought ewes wid like tae see wit big Ivy looks like and show ewes a picktoor of wit happened in slow motion this time. Noo a canny says that nae peepells wiz hurt in the makin of this fotograff, cos there wiz!!!