Ma Mum keeps asking me if as is excited cos its xmas. What is she going on aboot? Its just some guys birffday, but its no ma birffday, so I'm no bothered. Dad has been staying here for ages, it feels like an eeternity....does he no know when he has overstayed his welcome. Ok, so he didnae get a 'welcome', unless you count the bites on his hands and arms, but has he no got his ane hoose to go to?
Mum pit up a right nice tree for me to pee on, its great, cos it saves me going outside in the cold. I think the lights on it are real cool, a pee-tree fit for a King!! There are loads of packages underneath ma pee-tree, but I couldnt see what was inside them, so I decided best thing to do to get a swatch at them, was to tear the paper off them. Wey Hey Mollee, quick come and look at what Santa Closs has left us!! Fishnet stockings and they are full of right nice things!! I guess these stockings are for ma Molls to wear later. Like all red blooded males, (maybe as has blue blood cos I'm a King), I will have the contents of the stockings, and me Molls can have the stockings....yeah thats a good plan.
What the ..... Molls isnae happy just with the Fishnets....she's so ungrateful, she wants the toys and chocolates inside them aswell. Well am no wearing the fishnet stockings thats for sure!! Mollee you are a beetch (state the obvious, it catches her off guard!), you just ate all ma chocolates from Santa and broke all ma toys.......Dad, help, ave no got a present from Santa now! Ha ha Molls just got into bother from Mum & Dad. I'll sit here looking real sorry for masel and see if I get something better!
What the ....Mum says not to worry cos we are going for a walk!! Oh yeah right, very good, like.... that makes up for me no gettin any presents from Santa, cos the Molls stole them from me. Right am no gona pee on the walk, that will show them! OMG, we have been walking for hours, am knackered now and burstin for a pee. I should have used the pee-tree in the house before I left. Oh no hells bells, am gona have to pee...they better no look at ma missin crown jewells or laff at me! Oh thats better!! Thats the first time a have peed oot side ma ane gerdin, in a public place! Its no really the dun thing for the King to be seen peein, hope the paparazzi didnae catch that on camera!
Tomorrow as gona tell you about me plans to move to an open prizon in Lan Ark!
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