Nae Danger, these ur True Stories!!

Noo as ewes all ken, as am right smart, cos as is a Pedigree Lurcher. Lots of ma beetches wants tae ken wit it is as diz wiz ma time when as is no dane time! Well as like tae spend ma time funding oot wit is going on in the world, cos that is hows a keep masell right clever. Otherwise as wid end up way a brain the size of a pee. No the type of pee ma Molls does, as is talking aboot the size of a mushy pee. As thought ah wid telt ewes some right true stories, from aroond the world and ewes will see how stoopid some folk can be.

Noo this first story is aboot a man form Samburu, (no tae be confused with the car), which for awe ewes uneducated folk is North of Nairobi, Kenya, Africa. This man wiz wan of they nomad types, which tae me is a contradiction in terms, cos 'no mad' isnae how ah would describe him. He wiz walkin up the road, (as thinks he wiz at the pub), but next thing is, he is attacked by a Lion! Noo, that widnae happen tae us walking hame from the pub (ewes are mare likely tae be stabbed), but this man lives in Afrika, so its kinda normal fur them tae be mugged by a lion. He only went and kilt it way his bare hands!! I guess ewes could say he was right lucky no tae huv been eaten alive. But thats no the funnee fing!! Guess wit happened next? The Hyenas came oot to eat the Lion, but theys attacked the man instead. Attacked twice in the wan day, noo if it wiznae fur bad luck, this man widnae huv any luck at all!!. But see they Hygenas theys are right smart, cos they obviously seen the man kill the Lion way his bare hands, so wit did they goes and do, but eat his hands and feet!! So he couldnae kill them. He wiz left fur dead, wae no hands and nae feet (see he wiz legless, thats hows as knows he wiz at the pub). His pals took him to the hospital, but he died two days later. Moral of this story, if ewes drink too much at the pub, ewes end up legless!

This next story will be of interest tae all the dug dealers oot there, cos maste dug dealers that ah kens likes aw types of animals. This wiz aboot a man in Kansas City (thats in America), and ewes will no believe wit he wiz dane. he had only gone and got himself a pet Frog! YUCK. But waits till as tells ewes wit he wiz dane way his frog! This is disgusting, no fur the faint hearted!! He wiz lickin it....!! Noo what the ....... is that aw aboot! How did he no just gee it a bath like most normal peepells wid huv done. It turns oot this frog had a right funny name, he wiz called a Highly-hallucinogenic frog. Thats a right posh name fur a frog. Moral of this story, if your pet needs a wash, pit him in a bath, cos if ewes lick him clean, ewes will be pit in prison!!

Noo as has read another story, this wan is from China, but as will need tae dae ma homework first cos this wan is right disgustin. See ma Dad has long hair and he ties it back in a pony tail. You ken the type, hees can walk doon the road and get a wolf whistle from the brickies, cos theys thinks he is a right bootifool beetch, then he turns aroond and theys sees he is a bloke. Anyway as has just read that in China theys are making hair bands fae used Condoms!! What is that all aboot?? As is gone tae huv tae go and check exactly wit ma Dad is usin tae tie his hair back wiff. Big Presley has left the study, as is checkin oot the hairbands!! xx