Introducing DA, starring in Aladdin

Az seems to have confoosed some people when az wiz talkin aboot ma pal Derek Acorah, (az will call him DA fae noo on), cos theys didnae ken who is wiz. So az fought I should explain tae all ewes uneducated people wit it is az is talkin aboot, cos hees is nofin like ma pal Syco.

He is yon geezer fae the telly, and he does that programme Maste Haunted. Noo az haz never met him before, but az thinks az will need tae have a word in his shell like, cos although az finks hees is the funniest thing az seen since ma Mum was bitten by Ivy, az thinks he has right lost the plot. See, me and ma Molls sit up right late intae the night watchin Maste Haunted. Az loves it, but Molly is scared, and she covers her eyes, ESP..cially when DA gets possessed wiff spirits.

Noo fur all ewes who huvnae seen Maste Haunted, its on wan of they telly channels fae Scotland, called the Isle of Skye, or Skye for short. Thats a right good way fur geezers fae Skye tae earn a livin, making spooky telly programmes, at least theys is leavin the sheep alone!

Noo, see this Maste Haunted is like the Panto Aladdin! Ewes have the main character Aladdin, he is played by ma pal DA. Ewes have Widow Twankey who is played by Evette Fielding (fae Blue Peter). Ewes huv the Genie who is also played by my pal DA, and ewes huv Wishee Washee, who is Evette Fieldings leap frog partner, and hees is also the Producer.

This is wit happens, theys goes along tae a right spookee lookin hoose, a bit like ma prison here, and theys wanders aroond the place in the dark looking fur ghouls. Widow Twankey then introduces Aladdin and she asks him if he can feel any ghouls! Thats when hees grabs his bottle and gees it a rub (before drinking the spirit contents), and oot comes the Geenee!! Aladdin is totally possessed by the Spirit oot the bottle by this point, and hees pits on a brilliant voice. Now ewes will no believe wit he does next! He starts rubbin his paws together sayin things like, "aye is the Master and ewe is the Wench" (wench is an udder word for beetch), and then he starts to feel Widow Twankey Teets! YUCK!! Aye this is true!! Wishee Washee then appears fae oot the dark and gees the Geenee a right tankin fur touchin up his Mrs!! Az is laughin ma socks off by this point. Wishee Washee then distracts us from the fact that hees has just beat up the Geenee, by chucking stones aboot the Haunted Hoose. Thats why he is called the 'Producer', cos hees is the producer of the stones! Ewes will need tae watch this sumetime, its the best comedy panto on the telly.

Az hopes this clears up who DA is fur ewes and although at wan time he wiz a respected Spooky man, he blew it when he agreed tae join the cast of Aladdin in Maste Haunted.
Big Presley has left the study, az is on a mission tae find a ghoul. Oh.....Mum where are you??